


Higher Learning

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-30
Updated: 2011-05-25
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:57:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam and Dean are unrelated and meet each other while attending college. Sam finds himself confused over how he feels about Dean while trying to unravel the secrets of Dean's past that seem to have left him emotionally scarred. Lame summary





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This is my first au fic and it came as a result of my best friend asking for a story where Sam and Dean are not related and meet in college. It kind of spiralled out of control and became a much longer story than I had origionally intended. It is not my usual story line and I am somewhat hesitant to post it but I am sick of my best bud nagging me so here it is.

  
Author's notes: This story is rated nc 17 overall but there will be no smutty bits for a bit. I am unsure about posting this so let me know if you are interested and want me to continue. I already have about 6 or 7 chapters written, but it isn't finished yet.  


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****

 

 

Sam walked down the familiar path feeling the protests in his shoulder at the heavy bag that hung there. The sun was warm against his face and he squinted slightly as his eyes roamed back and forth checking out the familiar scene from a whole new perspective. He saw couples and groups of friends stretched out on the grass next to the path soaking up the last remnants of summer break before the hectic cycle of college life hit them like a car wreck. He had to admit when he first arrived here he thought it would be easier than it had turned out to be. He had always done well in school, hell well enough to earn him this scholarship, without even really trying. But college was a whole new ball game. He actually had to cram and study. It took some time to get used to that actually. For the first several weeks he arrived here last year he was almost panicking, sure that his scholarship had been some sort of sick joke. He felt like he hadn't belonged here. It was only when he realised that everyone else seemed to be under the same strain that he had settled into college life. This wasn't high school after all; this was a prestigious prep school that set people back small fortunes for the 'privilege' of attending. Sam felt a pang of guilt at his cynicism. His mother was a career waitress and his father had been a line worker at a plastics factory. He should feel privileged to be here, after all the tuition was probably more than his parents could have managed to save in their entire lives.

 

Sam's eyes flashed across the large banner that was hanging above the entrance to the main hall. He chuckled as he read the words ' Hatford welcomes all new future alumni! '. He remembered first seeing that banner and feeling so cocky and full of self assurance. Now he thought that it would have been more appropriate if the banner had read ' Welcome to the giant Dick! If you are a pussy get lost now or you are gonna get fucked! ‘Sam laughed at his own wit and adjusted the heavy bag on his shoulder just as it was knocked to the ground by a young and obviously nervous freshman.

 

"Oh God man I am really sorry." The guy looked petrified and he immediately dropped his bag and started to pick up the items that had fallen out of Sam's. The kid never looked up at Sam as he rambled on nervously. “I was just checking out my map and I guess I wasn't payin attention. This place is kinda confusing, didn't look that big in the brochure. I'm really sorry man, if I wrecked something I will be more than happy to pay for it. I-"

 

"Don't worry about it, really." Sam was almost amused enough to let the kid ramble but he just couldn't help feeling sorry for him. He was obviously freaked out that he had pissed someone off the second he got here who may be someone who would make his life hell. Sam could name a few guys on campus who were like that, but they never bothered him. Sam had a feeling that they were going to eat this guy alive no matter what he did. "First year huh?"

 

The young man seemed obviously relieved at Sam's friendly question. "That obvious?" He answered with a crinkle of his nose.

 

Sam just let out a non threatening laugh and bent down to help the kid stuff his books into his bag. “Fraid so, this place just seems to have that affect on people." Sam stuffed the last book back into his bag and stood up hefting the large duffel with him and hoisted it over his shoulder. The young freshman did the same with his own bag and then looked at Sam awkwardly, like he didn't know what to do. Yup, eaten alive Sam thought sadly. He stuck out his hand "Name's Sam." The kid's face lit up so bright Sam almost laughed.

 

“Johnny!" He threw back with more enthusiasm than was necessary as he vigorously pumped Sam's hand up and down. 

 

"Well Johnny" Sam started as he slowly pried his hand away “I’ll see you around." He didn’t miss the happy look on Johnny's face as he turned around. Poor guy. Sam could tell from his slight accent that Johnny was from the mid west. Kid was probably from some small farm community judging from the way he gaped at the buildings with a sense of awe. Sam hoped that the kid wouldn't be one of the far too many that left after several weeks unable to take the pressure. He made a mental note to find Johnny from time to time and see how he was getting along. Sam stopped for a moment and scanned the grounds. There were freshman everywhere scurrying around almost as frantically as Johnny. God, was I that much of a fucking dork when I got here? Sam asked himself. He already knew the answer. Then his eyes fell upon something that seemed out of place. 

 

Just up the path in the center of the square that led to other walkways stood a man. He just stood there, small pack resting easily on his shoulder. He was looking at the main hall and Sam noted a small smile appear as he read the banner. The man's head casually turned from one building to another as he carefully surveyed his surroundings, totally uncaring of the looks and comments that were thrown at him from hurrying students. This guy was a freshman. It seemed kind of odd to Sam because he was obviously a few years older than the usual freshman herd, but Sam was sure he had never seen him before. He definitely would have remembered seeing this guy before. Where the hell did that thought come from? 

 

The man in question stood casually in the middle of the square taking in the sights. He had short dirty blonde hair that was sticking up in several directions so it appeared that he just got out of bed. He wore ripped jeans and work boots that had apparently seen a lot of work along with a black almost military style jacket over a form fitting t-shirt that had some logo that Sam couldn't quite make out. The collar of the man's jacket stood up around his neck and Sam couldn't help thinking of an image of James Dean. Sam had to admit the man was very attractive. Ok, once again, where the fuck did that come from? Whoever this man was he definitely did not act like any freshman Sam had ever seen. Or any senior for that matter. This guy was obviously confident of himself, but not in that all too familiar superior attitude way that was common among the school's senior residents. Sam felt an uncharacteristic urge to get to know this strangely compelling man. Then he noticed that he was apparently staring because the stranger's eyes were now locked on him. God! You idiot! He probably thinks you are gay!

 

If the man in the square was offended by his staring it didn't show. In fact nothing showed, Sam noticed with a slight chill. He had always been very good at reading people and knowing just how they felt, it was a gift his mother used to say. But this guy...nothing. Sam was about to go apologise for himself when he noticed the crowd of rushing students dispersing to the edges of the square, an unmistakable hurry in their step. He saw a large figure making a b-line for the man in the middle of the square. Sam groaned audibly.

 

Chip Parker was the stereotypical campus dick. Hell, even his name was cliché, Chip? What the fuck were his parents thinking? They were thinking about prestige more than likely. Chip's parents were the wealthiest people on the eastern seaboard and the largest contributors to Hatford, giving Chip a ' get out of jail anytime ' pass. A pass that Chip used often. Everyone on campus knew about Chip, they spoke his name in that same tone that young children would use when they talked about the boogeyman. He was captain of the football team - of course- and dated Dharla the head cheerleader - of course - and he loved to sling around his superior size and attitude like a travelling preacher loved to quote the bible. Chip was obviously not pleased at the devil may care attitude of the freshman who stood in the square. There was only room for one alpha male and Chip intended to show this guy who that was.

 

If the older man noticed he didn't seem to care. Sam noted that his expression never changed even though he was positive that the guy had seen Chip coming, not to mention the milling crowd that now started to form around the edges of the square now that the populace was sure that Chip's legendary anger was not directed at them. He still stood casually looking at Sam.

 

"Asshole!" Chip yelled out only several feet from his prey, who then turned casually to the larger man.

 

“I’m sure you are.” The crowd mutually gasped at the reply. 

 

Chip stopped in his tracks and for one brief second looked confused. People didn't talk to him this way. Ever. Sam doubted if anyone had ever stood up to Chip in his entire life. He was glad that the bastard was so focussed on this new guy that he didn't hear him laughing.

 

Chip composed himself quickly. “You have no idea who you fuckin with boy!" Chip was right up in his face almost nose to nose. The spiky haired blonde seemed unphased, even when he lifted his chin up to the man's face, clearly revealing his substantially smaller size. Sam suppressed another laugh at Chip's pitiful attempt to appear all tough and 'gangsta'.

 

"That's who you are fucking with." The smaller man seemed completely at ease." How the fuck did you get into college" Chip was shaking with rage.

 

"I'm gonna tear you a new asshole!" Chip screamed as spittle flew from his lips. Cheers and woops could be heard in the crowd from Chip's cronies. Sam was silently cheering for the other side. As much as he hated the idea of how this was going turn out he was thrilled to see someone finally stand up to this prick.

 

The shorter man casually brought up a hand and wiped away the spit that had been strewn in his face, never taking his eyes off his adversary. Sam had a sudden feeling that this may not turn out like he figured at all. There was just something about this guy. When the offending spittle was taken care of the stranger grinned, he actually fucking grinned! "Thanks for the offer but the one I have is just fine. Now if you'll excuse me I do have important things to do." He casually turned away from Chip as if he was just going to walk away.

 

This guy’s balls are bigger than Chip's ego!

 

The larger man lunged and Sam winced, he didn't want to see this but he just couldn't look away. His wince turned to gaping shock when the young blonde dropped his backpack and swung around with catlike speed and grace. He ducked the clumsy blow and shifted, catching the big mans overstretched arm. With one fluid motion he grabbed the jocks wrist, twisted around and kicked the back of his knee, sending the larger man to the ground. He then cranked the arm up his would be attacker's back, holding his hand twisted to the side. Chip made to get up, but stopped after a quick flick of his wrist.

 

Holy shit! Chip Parker on his knees, humiliated in front of half the school! This was so poetic Sam wanted to scream it out, he knew better though. Chip was gonna be some pissed about this. He had no doubt that his usual taunting and beatings were going to skyrocket in frequency after this, but Sam felt that most people would agree that the price was worth it just to see that fucking bastard get some of his own medicine.

 

"What the hell is going on here!" An older balding man in an expensive suit forced his way through the crowd. He stopped in front of the two fighting men and crossed his arms, glaring at them intently.

 

The new guy didn't miss a beat. His face softened into an apologetic smile “I was just showin uhh.." He looked at the name embroidered in red on the big man's football jacket "..Chip here some wrestling moves. Isn't that right Chip." He emphasised the name with an almost unnoticed flick of the wrist.

 

"Yeah that's right" Chip agreed, almost breathlessly. At that his arm was released and a hand was offered to help him up. Chip flung the hand away angrily and got up to his feet. The new guy just shrugged and turned his attention to the man in the suit.

 

“Sorry if we caused a scene, Chip here is really good. Must have looked like we were fightin huh." This guy is smooth Sam thought to himself. 

 

“Indeed" the older man replied, obviously not convinced. “If memory serves me, moves like that are illegal in wrestling." He eyed the new face, daring him to disagree

 

“Guess things are different than where I'm from."

 

“And just where would that be young man?"

 

Every eye was on him. The mysterious new kid who just took down the biggest dick on campus without batting an eye. You could hear a pin drop Sam thought. He could see from the faces in the crowd that he was not the only one who was interested in where this guy came from, hell, interested in him. And what exactly do you mean by that? Said a nagging little voice that Sam chose to ignore.

 

“A long way from here apparently." There was a contagious grin on his face. It should have struck Sam as the same self righteous cocky grin that every college jock wore, but somehow it was different.

 

“Apparently so." the balding man said as he shook his head and smiled back. 

 

Sam had never seen Mr. Montghomery smile. This guy, whoever he was, could charm a blowjob out of a nun. Nice analogy. Said an inner voice. “Shut up.” Sam was startled that he had spoken the words out loud. He looked around finally satisfied that no one had heard him. He noticed the crowd starting to disperse and knew that he should get going too. All thoughts of talking to the curious stranger faded. No, he would be the center of attention for quite some time, Sam didn't have a chance. At what exactly? 

 

Sam tried very hard to ignore that thought as he made his way to his dorm room.

 

***************************

 

Sam unpacked his bag and organized his things with intense focus. He tried to concentrate on the tasks at hand instead of thinking about the scene from earlier. He failed miserably. With an audible sigh he shoved the top drawer of his dresser closed and flopped himself down on his bed. What the hell is going on with you?

 

It was a good question. No matter how hard he tried Sam just couldn't stop thinking about the mysterious freshman. The attractive mysterious freshman. The incredibly cool and alluring attractive fresh-

 

What the fuck! 

 

Sam wasn't gay. The thought of seeing another man in a sexual way had never even crossed his mind. He had no problem with it, to each their own, but he had never felt that way. 

 

And you don't feel that way now! This is just an outlet, yeah, some fucked up way of dealing with-

 

"Hey." came a voice from the door. 

 

Must be the new roommate, God I hope this one doesn't snore cause...Then he saw him. Something fluttered inside, much to Sam's dismay.

 

"Did I disturb you?" The man looked around the room in a comical fashion, as if looking for someone or something that he may have interrupted.

 

“No, uh,.. just tired."

 

" Uh-huh" With that he threw his small bag on the vacant bed. “Name’s Dean " he offered as he began to unpack his minimal belongings with amazing efficiency. His effects consisted of two pairs of jeans, several t-shirts, two long sleeve checked shirts, some underwear and socks and a small leather bag that no doubt held his toiletries. There were no books. No pictures or trinkets. No personalised effects of any kind.

 

Curiouser and curiouser. 

 

Dean shoved all his clothes in the top drawer of his dresser and then turned and leaned against it, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He tilted his head. “So, you got a name or do I get to pick one?"

 

Doh!

 

“Sam... Sam Conners. Sorry, I was just a bit shocked. I haven’t seen you before, thought you were a freshman. Freshmen don't stay in these buildings." You're rambling like an idiot!

 

"It's not my first year of college." Dean shrugged as if that was explanation enough. Sam knew full well that very few students were admitted mid way through. Whoever this guy was his family must have some major pull.

 

“Oh," Sam stated lamely. He had to find out more about Dean. He didn't know why. Part of him didn't want to know why. “So what school did you go to?”

 

“West Point." Dean answered casually.

 

West Point???? That was the most respected and highly coveted military school in the country! Half the wealthy parents in America would cream themselves at the thought of their child being accepted into such a prestigious place. What the fuck is he doing here? This place had a great reputation sure, but West Point! How could he say it with such casual regard to what it implied? Just who the fuck is this guy?

 

“Nice school." Sam knew how stupid and forced it had sounded.

 

“Look Sam, why don't you just come out and say what's on your mind. I hate this pussy-footin around the issue bullshit." At first Sam thought he had pissed Dean off. But Dean had spoken in such a casual way, as if he had told him he preferred Coke over Pepsi. Sam realised that there was a lot more to this guy than meets the eye. And there is definitely a lot for the eye....What the fuck!

 

"Sorry." He took a deep breath. “I just thought it was odd that you would leave a place like that to come here. Not that this place is bad but..."

 

"Yeah I guess." Dean sat himself on his bed and stared at Sam. Stared at him with amazingly intense green eyes. “Just cause you asked me doesn't mean that I am gonna tell you anything."

 

Sam became instantly uncomfortable, which was strange really. He usually didn't care what people thought of him. “I didn't mean to-" Dean laughed.

 

"Just fuckin with ya Sammy! Relax" Dean swatted Sam on the arm in a common friendly gesture and leaned back onto his bed

 

Amazingly, Sam did just that. He was so relieved that he didn't even bother to correct Dean on his name. He didn't know why but there was something about Dean that made him feel at ease even though he had just met him. Sam started laughing with Dean. “Jerk." he said without even thinking about it.

 

"Bitch." Came a quick reply, but there was no heat in it. For some reason it just seemed natural, like the two of them had know each other for years. Dean found it strangely comforting. There was something about Sam that made him drop his guard. “You got any beer in this joint?” Dean got up and made his way to the small fridge in the corner of the room. He opened it and a look of obvious distain crossed his face. “Bottled water dude? You know you can get that shit out of the tap for free right?" He shut the fridge and turned to face Sam, mischievous grin creeping across his face. “Lucky for you I do." He walked across the room and opened the small closet next to his bed. He bent down and grabbed something in the corner behind a suitcase and a large stack of school books. When Dean stood up he was holding two bottles of beer.

 

"So you were already here?" Sam asked, somewhat confused.

 

Dean ignored the question and sat back on the bed, handing Sam one of the bottles of beer that Sam noticed was ice cold. They both opened their beverages and drank a fair amount of the contents before Dean leaned back on the bed, resting up against the headboard. 

 

“My father is a general. A four star general. A fact that he is more than happy to share with everyone. My mother was killed in a car accident when I was six and dear old dad consoled me in the only way that is fit for a military hero." Dean spoke the last two words with obvious bitterness. “He shipped me off to military school." He took a long pull from the bottle in his hands and continued. “He put up with me as long as Mom was around, but when she was gone...." Dean's throat tightened. Why the fuck was he sharing this? He never talked about his family with anyone, especially someone who he just met. Dean glanced over at Sam. There was something in his eyes that urged Dean to continue. “After twelve years of drill sergeant bullshit, my father thought the obvious next step for the son of a general was four more years of drill sergeant bullshit. I got into West Point two years ago and now I am here." He finished off his beer and looked around the room. "Where's the bathroom?"

 

"There are common facilities down the hall."

 

"You have got to be shitting me." After a final scan of the room Dean realised that Sam was in fact, not shitting him. He turned to go find the bathroom.

 

"So what happened to have you end up here?" Sam knew he was probably overstepping his bounds with his new roommate with the question. But hadn't it been Dean who had told him to just come out and say what was on his mind? That isn't all that's on your mind is it?

 

Dean tensed somewhat at the question. “Aaaahh, the heart of the matter so to speak. " Dean opened the door and just when Sam thought he was not going to answer him Dean turned his head toward Sam. “Don’t ask don't tell there Sammy boy." And with a wink he disappeared into the hallway.

 

"It's Sam!" the younger man yelled back. Sam laughed to himself. This was definitely going to be an interesting year. Don't ask don't tell? What the fuck was that? Wasn't he the one who had just told him to come out and say-

 

OH!

 

Sam convinced himself that the fluttery feeling in his gut was just first day jitters.

 

 

 

***


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: So. it looks like I have to admit to my friend that she was right, and how much does that suck? But all your great comments helps ease my pain, so thanks. I am posting this chapter as a thanks for all your encouragements that were written. Further chapters will be posted about once a week. Sooner if I finish the story soon. Thanks again  


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****

 

 

 

The first week of class was a gong show Sam thought to himself. There were no orientations, no class discussions or slow lead ins, just a one way ticket to homework and exams. Sam felt that it was somewhat amusing that people paid for the privilege of this mental trauma. His schedule was hectic. Sam figured out that he had about one hour and thirty seven minutes of each day to himself that were not allotted to his studies. He used this time to eat and shower and occasionally let himself take a brief walk through the campus grounds. Sam was beginning to regret his choice to take on an extra class during his study block. With a groan he shut his laptop and placed it on the nightstand. It was late. He glanced over to the other bed, which was once again empty. He had no idea what sort of classes Dean was taking, but he thought that it was quite odd that the few times his roommate had been around in the last week he had never so much as cracked open a book. Sam was suddenly curious. He got off the bed and went to Dean's closet. His hand paused on the door. Should I? It's not really like spying; I just want to check out his school books. Then the front door opened. 

 

There was nowhere he could go. He briefly considered lunging across Dean's bed to his side of the room, but of course that was stupid. Shit! Shit! Shit! 

 

“Hey Sam." Dean sloughed off his jacket and walked across the room to the fridge. He grabbed two beers, opened the caps and handed one to Sam. He didn't seem the least bit concerned that Sam was obviously snooping around his things. 

 

“Uuh...thanks." Sam took the bottle, stepped around Dean and sat back down on his bed. Dean plopped himself down noisily and relaxed against the headboard, legs crossed at the ankles. He didn't even bother taking off his boots. He made no mention of Sam's previous activities.

 

Now discretion was the better part of valour, but guilt had a way of backing discretion into a corner and kicking it in the balls. “Look Dean I'm sorry."

 

"For what?" Dean took a sip of beer and looked across at Sam with genuine curiosity.

 

Sam was momentarily confused. “I...I was just wanting to check out your school books. I only wanted to know what kind of classes you were taking...I wasn't going to go through your personal things."

 

"It's ok Sammy, I trust you." It was said so matter of factly that Sam was shocked.

 

I trust you?! Discretion was now a bloody giggling mass lying in the corner holding it's balls. Sam felt like a piece of shit. He should have let it go at that. Dean didn't seem concerned. Of course, he didn't.

 

“You trust me? As much as I'd like to say thanks I haven't exactly given you any reason to-"

 

"Dude, chill. No chick flick moments ok? “Dean raised his hands up in a stop gesture.

 

“But....." but what? Sam had no idea.

 

Dean sighed and rubbed at his temple. He so did not want to have this conversation, but it was obvious that his new roommate was not going to let it go. “Look," Dean sat up and leaned forward to emphasise his point. He only wanted to say this once. Truth be told he didn't want to say it at all. “I handed you the juiciest bit of gossip on a silver platter and you obviously didn't say anything. Believe me I would know. “Dean spoke the last line with harsh conviction.

 

Sam was at a loss. “Dean...what are you talking about?"

 

Dean beamed from ear to ear. “I already told you Sammy boy, don't ask don't tell." 

 

“It’s Sam and what...." Click. “OH! So you....you just told me that to see if I would say anything? You're not... not really....."

 

“Gay."

 

“Uh ...yeah" is that disappointment? Shut the fuck up!

 

Dean's expression became serious and his eyes fell to the bottle in his hands." Would it bother you if I was?" He forced himself to look back at Sam; he needed to see his eyes. Whatever Sam told him Dean would know the truth. He was way too familiar with that look.

 

"No!" Okay that was just a little much. Sam calmed himself. “No Dean I wouldn't care." Almost as an afterthought he added "Why would I?" Are you asking him or yourself?

 

"Okay then!" Dean leaned over and grabbed the laptop from the table between their beds. “Let’s see what my roommate gets up to on a Friday night. Dean looked at Sam and wiggled his eyebrows in an irritating, yet somehow endearing way as he flipped open the laptop. His brow quickly furrowed and he looked at Sam. "Homework? Dude its Friday night!"

 

Sam got up and grabbed the laptop from Dean with feigned irritation. “Yeah, well some people actually have an interest in getting an education." He closed it and put it back on the table and replaced himself on his bed.

 

“And what is that supposed to mean." It was more of a statement that a question.

 

For a brief second Sam wasn't sure if Dean was actually offended or not but the look on Dean's face made it pretty clear that he wasn't. Sure, he sounded pissed, but his exaggerated almost pouty expression gave him away. Sam smiled at the thought of Dean actually pouting. “I’m up to my eyeballs in theory and essays and I haven’t seen you crack a book once.” Sam thought about it for a second. “In fact I have barely seen you at all." It was true. He had only caught up with Dean four times that week in between classes and there had only been one night that Dean had actually slept in the room. He only knew that because when he had woken in the middle of the night with the raging need to piss and saw the outline of Dean's shape under the covers. He wasn't there when Sam had gone to sleep and he was gone by the time his alarm had gone off. The bed was neatly made and there was no sign that he had been there at all.

 

“Aww you miss me. That's sweet Sam really." Sam laughed, partly out of frustration. Dean was obviously not big on sharing. His 'cut the pussy-footin bullshit' motto apparently didn't apply to himself.

 

"Asshole."

 

"Bitch."

 

"Jerk!" They both laughed. "Really though," Nope, Sam just wasn't letting go. “Why are you here if you don't care?"

 

"Who said I don't care? That's the beauty of college Sam, as long as you hand in the assignments and take the tests no one really cares if you show up to class or not. Want another beer?" Dean got up and made his way to the fridge.

 

"Still workin on this one thanks."

 

"Lightweight." Dean grabbed himself a beer and sat back down on the bed. He placed the bottle on the nightstand and proceeded to take off his boots, placing them neatly on the other side of the bed nearest the closet. 

 

Sam couldn't help but read into Dean's actions. It was like only now was he able to take off his shoes and get comfortable. Almost as if he had expected to leave. The fact that Dean had not confirmed nor denied the nature of his sexual preference was not lost on Sam.

 

"So how the hell can you pass any exams without going to class?"

 

"Jesus. You don't let up do you." Sam remained silent but the look on his face told Dean everything that he needed to know. “I’ve read the books." Dean stated. He grabbed his beer and proceeded to empty it. If he noticed the retarded gaping look of shock on Sam's face he made no indication. "Read some of yours too, and Dude, let me tell you that is some boring shit. Civil arbitration law? Definitely not my kinda gig." He looked at Sam as if he was expecting coherent conversation.

 

Sam was dumbfounded. He wanted to call bullshit but for some reason he didn't think it was. He tried to speak but only managed to ease his look into one of mild retardation. Sam was by no means stupid. He had an IQ of 151 and had scored 174 on his LSAT. Still, he had to work hard and study. College was supposed to be hard.

 

Dean shrugged dismissively. "It's not like I'm a genius or anything, I just remember shit. What can I say, it's a gift." He drained the last of his beer and started picking at the label. "I guess it is." He mumbled quietly under his breath. Sam noticed that the tone of his voice didn't match his statement. Dean perked up immediately as if realising that he was leaving an opening for some shit that he really didn't want to get into. "Well time to hit the hay." He bounced off of bed and grabbed his black toiletry bag and a pair of Joe Boxer pajama bottoms from the closet. "I can't believe we gotta share the fucking bathroom." And with that he was gone.

 

***********

 

Sam glanced over to the clock which read 3:47. Eleven minutes later than the last time he had checked. He was tired as hell but he couldn't sleep. He glanced over at Dean who was lying on his stomach. One arm was curled up over the pillow, hand resting on the top of his head. The other arm dangled off the bed almost hitting the floor. The blankets had been kicked away and now only covered the bottom of his one calf and foot. The other foot hung limply off the end of the mattress. Sam noted that he wasn't wearing a shirt. So!

 

Sam suddenly found the ceiling very interesting.

 

Try as he might, Sam's thoughts drifted back to Dean. He remembered the pained look on Dean's face when he had asked him if "it" would bother him. It was only there for half a second, but Sam was sure he had seen it. In that brief moment Sam knew why he hadn't seen much of his roommate. Dean wanted to know where he stood with Sam before he became comfortable in their room. He had been afraid that Sam would treat him like so many others apparently had. Dean had taken a big risk in telling Sam what he had. Sam wondered why. Was it really just to see if he could be trusted? Or did it have something to do with the way that Sam felt somehow at ease around Dean? 

 

Stop thinking so much. 

 

Sam glanced over at Dean again. He looked so peaceful when he slept. So young. So... He didn't let himself finish the thought. Sam suddenly realised how much Dean had entrusted him with. As Sam listened to the rhythmic breathing of the man beside him he knew that he would do whatever it took to never betray that trust.

 

*******

 

Sam was awakened by a loud thump. He sleepily glanced over to the other bed and noticed it was empty. Apparently Dean doesn’t trust me as much as I thought. He was about to roll back over when a slight movement caught his eye. He saw something pop up slightly over the other side of Dean's bed, then it was gone. What the fuck. There it was again. Sam shook his head and closed his eyes, willing his mind to focus. He heard a sharp shht noise and his eyes flew open. It suddenly became clear. Dean was on the floor doing push ups. What Sam had seen pop up over the bed was the back of Dean's head as he pushed himself up and down, the shht noise he had heard was his exhalation of breath. Sam sat mesmerised, watching the spot where his roommate's head would pop over the bed. Sam began to count in his head and noticed that the rhythm of Dean's bobbing head never slowed. When Sam silently reached 92 Dean stood up. Damn!

 

"Mornin sleepyhead." Dean said with a smile, only slightly out of breath as his bare chest rose sharply up and down.

 

Sam glanced over to the clock on the nightstand and groaned when he noticed that it read 5:12. Jesus, he was bunking with a fucking morning person. Great, just great. “You’re shitting me." With that Sam rolled over and wrapped himself up in his blanket. He heard Dean shuffling around in his closet.

 

“I’m going for a run, then I'm dragging your ass out of bed." 

 

Without opening his eyes Sam raised his hand and extended his middle finger. He heard a soft click of the door and let his hand flop down. He didn't want to get up any time soon. He really didn't want to get up, but somehow the thought of Dean being there made the idea not as bad. Sam drifted back to sleep.

 

***********

 

Sam was startled out of sleep.

 

"Wacy wacy eggs and bacy!"

 

"What the fuck," Sam grumbled as he shifted to look at the clock. 8:27.

 

"I let you sleep in." Dean stated in a much too chipper voice. He swatted Sam on the back. “Come on get up I’m starving."

 

Sam's body wanted to protest, but he let out a small chuckle and proceeded to peel himself out of bed. Dean was humming to himself while making his bed. "You are the devil." Sam told him as he stood up and grabbed a towel and some clothes from the dresser.

 

"Fourteen years of reveille at five and now I can't sleep in to save my life." Dean put the final touches on his bed and turned to Sam with a mischievous smile. "If I don't get to sleep in, neither do you."

 

"You suck." Sam said groggily.

 

"You have no idea. Hurry up, I want to go into town and pick up a few things."

 

Sam was about to ask ' what makes you think I want to go with you ' but changed his mind. He hadn't had a chance to get into town since school had started and there were a few things that he needed to pick up. Is that the only reason? Sam just shook his head with a laugh and headed to the shower.

 

**************

 

Sam and Dean walked down the path to the main street. Sam looked at his watch. "I don't know when the bus comes." He said and Dean stopped in his tracks.

 

“Dude, I don't do busses." He didn't elaborate and Sam just followed Dean as he veered off the path toward the parking lot. Dean fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. The parking lot was full of an incongruent mix expensive imports and old domestic Junkers. One car stood out from all the rest and Dean made straight for it. It was an old black Chevy, perfectly maintained and obviously washed and waxed regularly. Sam almost laughed out loud. Of course this was Dean's car. It sat motionless in the lot, same as all the other cars, yet somehow managed to emit the same cool air of confidence as Dean himself.

 

“Nice car." Sam offered as he approached the passenger side.

 

"You hear that baby" Dean gently stroked the hood. "This is Sam and he is gonna be ridin with us, so don't embarrass me." Dean gave the hood a firm pat and unlocked the door. He got in and reached over to unlock the passenger side to let Sam in.

 

Sam folded himself into the front seat and watched Dean as he turned the ignition. He cocked his head to the side, eyes halfway closed. “Isn’t that the most beautiful sound you've ever heard?" Sam only laughed and nodded. "She may be a pig on gas but she's never let me down and I wouldn't give her up for the world." Dean put the car in gear and coasted out onto the main road. The statement was obviously meant to explain Dean's overly affectionate actions toward his car, but Sam couldn't help but think that it was deeper than that. He couldn't explain why, but he had the feeling that she (god, now he was starting to think of the car as a she) was probably about the only one that had never let Dean down. Well that's gonna change.

 

The small town of Hatford was starting to bustle with life. Shopkeepers were folding out awnings and pulling carts and tables of goods out in front of their stores. There were small book stores and family owned coffee shops scattered amongst the large chain grocery markets and drug stores. The main street was lined with trees that were all shades of red yellow and orange, indicating the change of season. College students were sitting on the grass under many of the trees. Some in friendly groups laughing and telling stories and sharing gossip and others sitting alone reading school books as they sipped their chic expensive coffees that took ten minutes to order. Sam noticed the gazes of most of the students fell on them as they drove by. 

 

Sam had managed to blend into the background of the social scene since he had started school but he guessed that he was going to have to get used to the close scrutiny of his peers if he was going to be hanging around with Dean. The thought didn't bother him as much as it should have. He had already been approached by numerous people whom he didn't know who apparently knew him. Of course they all wanted to know about Dean. Sam felt a strange sense of pride that everyone wanted to know all about Dean and he was the one who would get to. It was probably a little silly, but none the less real. 

 

"Any place that has good food in this joint?" It startled Sam out of his thoughts.

 

"Huh? What, sorry."

 

"You know Sam, food. Is there a good place to eat around here?"

 

"Aah, I don't know. I don't come into town much."

 

"Well aren't you just livin the life." They drove for two more blocks before Dean pulled into a gravel lot that housed a small diner. 

 

Ed's Eats was exactly what you would expect it to be. It had eight white Formica tables surrounded with red vinyl covered chairs and four booths up against the wall. The kitchen could be seen over the tall counter that was lined with swivelling stools that were attached to the floor. There was a large dry erase board that hung under the cash register that advertised the daily specials in neat handwriting. The air smelled of bacon and syrup with an undertone of old grease. A large woman in her forties wearing too much make up and an orange apron greeted them with a smile. Her name tag read 'Deloris' “Sit yourself boys. Coffee?"

 

"Yes please" Sam told her as they made their way to the back corner booth. No sooner than they had removed their jackets and sat down the waitress showed up with a huge smile and two cups of steaming coffee. She placed two menus on the table.

 

"Good morning Deloris." Dean said with a cocky grin.

 

“Well good mornin to you hun!" She seemed thrilled that this nice young man had used her name. "Do you know what you want or do you boys need a minute?"

 

“I definitely know what I would like Deloris, but I do need a moment to check the menu." He gave her a wink and flashed a winning smile.

 

"Don't be silly!" She burst out, but Sam noted her huge smile and the flush on her cheeks. "You just yell out when you are ready." With that Deloris turned and left. Sam noticed that she was humming to herself and there seemed to be an additional bounce in her step.

 

"What was that?" Sam asked as he poured cream and sugar into his coffee.

 

Dean just shrugged. "Must kinda suck serving snotty college kids who think they are better than you all day. I'd bet that half the kids who come in here regularly couldn't even tell you her name. “Sam thought of his mother as Dean spoke.” I bet she works her ass off and no one really notices. Just cause you are serving people their food or bagging their groceries doesn't make you any less important than the guy who takes your blood pressure once a year." If Sam didn't like Dean before he definitely would have liked him now. Dean shrugged again and took another sip of coffee. "After all, if it wasn't for people like Deloris, how the hell would we eat?" Both men laughed.

 

Deloris came back and took and took their orders. Sam noticed the irritated looks on the faces of a young couple who sat at one of the tables. They had been there first; however they were still waiting to order. With a charming smile and a flirtatious comment Dean had assured them excellent service for life. Dean did not act like the son of a four star general.

 

When their food came Dean dug in without hesitation. Sam stared across at him as he smothered his hash browns with ketchup and grabbed a slice of bacon, stuffing the whole strip in his mouth.

 

"What?" Dean muffled out past his food as he took another sip of coffee.

 

"Enough cholesterol for you." He said as he gaped at the three greasy eggs, pile of hash browns and three strips of bacon that filled Dean's plate. That didn't include the side order of sausage and large stack of pancakes that occupied two separate plates on the table.

 

"This is food Sam, that is what food eats." He replied as he pointed to Sam's cereal and fruit. "Next thing your gonna tell me that salt is bad for you." Dean reached over and grabbed the shaker, sprinkling a liberal amount of the white crystals over his food.

 

"This is good for you" Sam told Dean as he pointed to his own plate.

 

"Good for your body maybe, but bad for your soul. You really gotta learn how to enjoy the simple pleasures in life Sammy, you only get one." To prove his point Dean returned to his meal with feverish enjoyment. Sam chose to ignore the extra syllable that Dean added to his name. He had a feeling he was going to get used to it.

 

When they were finished eating Deloris was immediately at their table clearing away their dishes. "More coffee?" She asked for what must have been the fifth time. Sam heard a disgusted grunt from the table across the room.

 

"No thanks Deloris I think we're just about done here." Dean flashed another winning smile and Deloris dropped the cheque on the table before she carted their dishes away. Dean turned to Sam. "So you need to pick up anything while we are out?"

 

"Yeah I need-"

 

"Just leave me alone!" came a shout from outside. Sam turned in the booth to see a young man walking quickly across the street toward the diner, head down and books clutched to his chest. His heart sank as he recognised Johnny, the young freshman he had bumped into on his first day.

 

"Poor kid." Sam stated watching the scene unfold outside the window. Two of Chip's cronies were crossing the street laughing and whooping. “I was really kinda hoping they would leave Johnny alone."

 

"You know him?" Dean asked in a serious tone.

 

Sam still had his back to Dean as he looked out the window." Not really I bumped into-" He didn't finish. Dean had gotten out of the booth and was heading for the door. Sam felt suddenly uncomfortable and exposed, but he was intently interested in what Dean intended to do.

 

Dean swung the door open and stopped, holding the door open with one arm. "Hey Johnny!" 

 

Johnny froze as he looked to see who was after him now. When he saw who was calling out for him he was shocked. He knew who Dean was, hell everyone knew who Dean was, but he was totally at a loss for why he would be talking to him. He stared at Dean with obvious confusion. Sam noted that Trey and Colton had seen Dean as well and their pace toward Johnny had slowed.

 

"We've been waitin for you" Dean yelled to the shocked freshman. "Where the hell have you been?"

 

"Uhh,” Johnny started in an unsure voice, his gaze shifted from Dean to the two men following him.

 

Dean acted as if he had seen the two bullies in the street for the first time. “Is there a problem Johnny?" He looked past Johnny to his pursuers. The question had obviously not been meant for Johnny and the two other men got the point. They changed their direction slightly and headed into the drug store that was next to the diner.

 

Johnny didn't bring his eyes up to meets Dean's. "Uuh....thanks." He said softly and started to walk away.

 

"Come on Johnny, Sam's inside and I ain't holdin this damned door open all day." At the mention of Sam's name Johnny relaxed somewhat and walked through the door past Dean. Dean could tell he was still nervous, as if he expected Dean to turn on him any second. The kid saw Sam in the booth and went over to join him. He sat across from Sam in Dean's old spot. Dean didn't seem to mind and he sat himself down on the seat next to Sam who scooted over to give him some room. 

 

"Hey Sam." Johnny said uncomfortably. 

 

"Hey." Sam offered back with a smile.

 

"Sorry about causin you guys trouble." Johnny mumbled out. “Those guys just-"

 

"They're dicks." Dean interrupted. “Don’t worry about it. I'm Dean and I see that you already know Sam."

 

"Yeah" Johnny beamed. “I know you too." His face suddenly fell. "I mean I don't know you, I just know of you. People talk you know, I just meant-"

 

"I know what you meant." Dean laughed and it seemed to put Johnny at ease. 

 

Dean seems to have a way of doing that Sam thought.

 

"Well Johnny, Sam and I were just about to head out to pick up a few things." Dean saw the look of disappointment on the young man's face. 

 

"Oh...that's okay I was just heading back to campus." Johnny started to shuffle out of the booth.

 

"Well if you don't mind making a couple of stops I can give you a ride." Johnny looked as if he had just found out that he had won the lottery.

 

"Sure, that would be great! Thanks. I uhh... I just need to use the restroom.... that okay?" Sam was sure that the kid needed to compose himself more than he needed to relieve himself.

 

"Well you ain't pissin in my car kid." Johnny tensed, unsure of how to take the older man's comment, but when Dean smiled Johnny smiled back and then turned and practically skipped into the bathroom.

 

Dean got out of the booth and grabbed the cheque. He pulled a twenty out of his wallet but before he turned around the cheque was quickly snagged out of his hand. He turned to see Deloris with a huge smile on her face. "On the house hun."

 

"No I couldn't-" He was stopped by the large waitress raising her hands in a ' you ain't arguin with me ' gesture.

 

"Those punks are always comin round here makin trouble. It was worth more than the price of the meal to see them get put in their place." She gave Dean a genuine smile that Sam was sure most of her customers had never seen.

 

"For you then." Dean returned her smile and dropped the twenty on the table. He saw that she was about to object when Johnny came out of the bathroom. Dean gave Deloris a wink. "Come on kid, grab your books and let’s go." He turned around and walked away, leaving the older woman standing next to the booth staring unbelievably at the bill on the table. As Sam scooted out of the booth he thought to himself that below his tough nonchalant attitude Dean had a very kind heart. The looks on both Johnny's and Deloris's faces seemed to confirm Sam's thoughts.

 

The rest of the morning was spent stopping at various shops and listening to Johnny ramble on excitedly about his home town. Johnny was in fact from the mid west. Not a farming community like Sam had figured, but close enough. He came from a small town in Iowa with a population of about 18000. Johnny was only 17, he had been pushed forward two grades and earned a scholarship to Hatford and was studying to be a veterinarian. He really was just a kid and it was quite evident in his behaviour. Neither Dean nor Sam minded, actually they both thought that his childish enthusiasm was rather cute and were content to let him talk up a storm from the back seat.

 

When they arrived back on campus Johnny thanked them vehemently again. It was sadly obvious that he had no other friends. After Sam and Dean returned to their room and unpacked their various purchases Sam sat on his bed and reached for his laptop. Dean groaned.

 

“Don’t tell me you're gonna do homework now."

 

Sam busily typed at the keyboard. "Okay, I won't tell you."

 

"Come on Sammy! It's a beautiful day! Let’s do something!"

 

"I am doing something Dean. I need to study."

 

Dean let out a defeated sigh. “Fine Lamey McLamerton." He grabbed a classic car magazine and his mp3 player and sat down on the bed in his favourite position. Back slumped against the head board and legs crossed at the ankles in front of him.

 

Sam scrolled through his files, making notes on a legal pad and placing post it notes on certain pages of his textbook. He was engrossed in his studies when it started.

 

"Hmm hmm hu hmmm." Sam looked over at Dean who was engrossed in his magazine.

 

"Hmm hm hmmm picture the scene.." Dean was bobbing his head up and down, apparently in sync with the music. Sam chuckled to himself and went back to his homework. 

 

Not so easy.

 

" hmm hmm hum one guitar.." Dean flipped aimlessly through the glossy pages.

 

Sam tried again to read the same paragraph.

 

" .. hm hmmmm hu hmm hmm......" Sam stared at Dean in disbelief. Dean didn't notice, but he did start waving his hands in the air like he was playing the drums. "...hhhu hm hmm hmm ... that one guitar..hmm hm hmmm hm..."

 

This isn't happening. "Dean." Dean kept on, completely oblivious of his roommate.

 

Dean's humming was slowly rising in volume. " Hmmm hu hmmm hm rockin hmm hum hmmm hmmm stop...."

 

"Dean." It was more insistent than last time, but the result was the same. With an irritated sigh Sam tried to concentrate on his computer screen. 

 

"Hmmm hmm hm got to stay on top...."

 

"Jesus Christ..."

 

"Jukebox hero! Stars in his-"

 

"DEAN!" 

 

Dean pulled out one of his ear buds. "What?"

 

"Must you do that?"

 

"Do what." Sam wanted to lunge across the room at Dean's dismissive tone.

 

"The singing!"

 

"Oh, was I?"

 

Sam closed his eyes to compose himself. "Look Dean,” He started in a stern tone. "Isn't there something else you can be doing right now? I really do need to concentrate."

 

Dean went back to his magazine. "Yeah sure go ahead, don't let me bother you."

 

"You ARE bothering me Dean!"

 

Dean dropped the magazine and gave Sam an ' excuse me ' look. "Fine." Dean got up and slipped on his boots. "You could have just said something instead of goin and getting all pissy with me."

 

Sam was completely lost for words. He watched as Dean grabbed his jacket. "I'm going out." There was none of the previous offended tone in his voice. "Catch ya later."

 

The door shut behind him. Yup, an interesting year. 

 

 

****


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! I never expected this story to be recieved so well and I hope you enjoy!  


* * *

****

 

 

 

Sam had completely engrossed himself in his schoolwork. When he was finally pleased with what he had accomplished he closed the laptop with a sigh and brought his hands up over his face, unconsciously running them back over his floppy hair. For the first time he noticed that it was dark...and he really needed to take a leak. Sam replaced his laptop and textbooks in their appropriate positions and shuffled out to use the washroom.

 

When he returned to his room he flopped himself down on his bed feeling suddenly drained. He decided to call it a night and turn in early. Sam glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. 9.23. Sam let out an exasperated laugh as he turned out the light and crawled under the sheets. It wasn't even ten o'clock on a Saturday night and he was going to bed. "Just livin the life." he spoke aloud to himself with a smile, echoing Dean's earlier statement.

 

Dean.

 

Sam's stomach lurched and his eyes flew open. Suddenly he wasn't so tired. The room now felt uncharacteristically empty. Dean had not come home yet. Home???? Sam ignored his inner voice; it was becoming an annoying habit as of late. He and rolled over, once again closing his eyes, taking deep breaths as he tried to will his body into sleep. He concentrated on his breathing and found a peaceful rhythm. Sam felt himself start to relax. I wonder what Dean is doing. The thought was clear, but not pressing as Sam drifted further over the abyss. ...and with who... 

 

Once again Sam's eyes flew open. This is so fucking stupid!! He resettled himself with obvious force, turning onto his other side and beating his pillow as he bunched it under his head. His eyes were closed tight and his face was pinched as he willed himself not to think of the events of the previous two days. Sam's face slowly relaxed as he lost himself in thoughts of beautiful spring days back home. Walks through the park on Sundays with his mother. The smell of fresh baked cookies when he came home from school. The proud look on his mother's face when he had told her of his scholarship. Dean standing shirtless and slightly sweaty after doing a hundred push ups.

 

Shit.

 

Sam beat his head against the pillow. He couldn't figure out why he couldn't keep thoughts of Dean out of his head. Which one? HA! HA! HA!

 

If Sam's inner voice had been a real person he would have punched them in the face.

 

After what seemed like hours Sam finally drifted off into sleep.

 

************

 

The month passed quickly. Sam found himself once again settling into the unforgiving pace of college life. Once he had established a routine the nagging doubts of taking on extra studies started to dissipate, although he intended to speak with his councillor and drop the extra class for next semester. Sam also found himself settling into a new, yet comfortable routine with his new roommate. Dean was now a constant presence. After only a couple of days Sam was no longer awakened in the morning by Dean's exercise routine, and even managed to ignore his constant humming and singing when he studied. Most of the time anyway. Dean kept good on his promise of not allowing Sam to sleep in on the weekends, but never disturbed him on days when he had class. Several times over the last couple of weeks Sam had joined Dean on his morning run. It had been painfully obvious that Dean had to intentionally slow his pace for him to keep up, however Dean never complained. Sam found that he enjoyed the peaceful silence of early mornings on campus and he had to admit that he had felt more awake and focussed on the days after a run, despite having less sleep.

 

Sam woke to the sounds of quiet shuffling. The noises themselves didn't actually disturb him. Sam had found that he would often wake up early on weekends, even before Dean would unceremoniously 'drag his ass out of bed'. He watched the shadow of Dean in the darkness of the room as he removed his runners and grabbed his black bag and towel for his morning shower. Dean moved comfortably around the room through the darkness, something that Sam couldn't seem to manage without banging into something with his ridiculously large frame. Sam reached over and clicked on the light. The smile that was on his face fell when he saw his roommate clearly in the light.

 

"Jesus Dean! What the hell happened?"

 

Dean looked momentarily confused, and then looked down at his clothes as if he were noticing them for the first time. “Oh this, It's nothing. Don't worry about it." He went back to casually grabbing his things.

 

Don't worry about it?!!!!! There was a small cut just above Dean's left eye and split on his lower lip. This in itself was disturbing; however Sam's eyes were locked on the state of Dean's clothes. His shirt collar hung loosely down his chest where it had been ripped and there was a new hole in one of the knees of his jogging pants, hiding an obviously skinned knee. Both articles of clothing were covered in blood.

 

Sam got out of bed and went over to his roommate to offer help. "You’re hurt Dean! Jesus!" Dean looked suddenly shocked and started patting himself down with exaggerated concern. Then he started laughing.

 

"Don't worry Sammy, It isn't mine." referring to the new stains on his clothes.

 

Sam stood stunned, staring at Dean. A hundred scenarios flashed through his mind, none of them good. Seeing the confusion and worry in the younger man's eyes Dean sighed and began to explain. "Ran into the Chip n' Dales in the park. Seems they weren't too pleased about what happened at the diner."

 

"What the hell did they-" Sam was cut off by Dean raising his hand in a firm 'stop' manner. 

 

"I'm fine Sam. Believe me, they look a hell of a lot worse." 

 

"You know they're not gonna let this go." Dean only shrugged.

 

"Guess I'll have to get used to running without my music." Dean's face became serious and his head fell forward in a resigned gesture. 

 

Sam realised that Dean was not at all upset by the fact that he had just been jumped by Chip's stooges. He was however upset with himself. That he had allowed himself to be distracted by his music, allowing them to get the drop on him. Dean looked suddenly fragile, so unlike his usual confident self. Sam wanted to comfort him somehow, but decided against it. Dean had obviously worked very hard at building up his tough devil may care persona and Sam did not want him to know that he had just seen right through it. The knowledge that Dean had felt comfortable enough around him to let that persona drop, if even for a second, warmed Sam in ways that he didn't understand. Sam smiled. "Come on, let’s get washed up. Johnny is probably waiting already." Dean laughed and nodded and they both went to shower.

 

As expected Johnny was sitting on the bench outside their dorm building, ears turning red from the early morning cold. It was clear that he had been sitting there for quite some time, as if he still suspected that they would leave without him. His face lit up when he saw them. "Hey guys!" he chirped out as he jumped off the bench to join them.

 

Sam and Dean had made a ritual of taking Johnny to breakfast on Saturday mornings. He would occasionally join them when they shopped and usually went with them to the movies on Wednesday nights; other than that Johnny would tell them that he had too much homework when they would invite him out. Johnny immensely enjoyed hanging around with Sam and Dean, but he didn't want them to think that he was too needy. Both older men were aware of this and never questioned his excuses. They thought of Johnny kind of like their pet and would sometimes joke about it when Johnny wasn't around. They didn't mean anything bad by it; it was just a term of endearment that they used, however they never shared this with Johnny.

 

The trio walked into Ed's Eats and sat themselves in their customary back corner booth. Johnny always sat next to Dean. Sam could plainly see the hero worship in his eyes at everything that Dean did. Dean always pretended not to notice. No sooner had they sat down than two cups of coffee and a large glass of milk appeared in front of them, being placed there by a grinning Deloris.

 

"The usual boys?" She beamed through two pounds of make up.

 

"Aaah darlin you know us so well." Dean smiled as he took a sip of coffee. Deloris winked and turned to place their orders. "I think she likes you." he said to Johnny with a jab to his shoulder. Johnny only smiled and blushed, taking a long sip of his milk.

 

They engaged in casual conversation while waiting for their meal. The chatter was mostly dominated by the two older men while Johnny intently listened to their every word, throwing in a comment here and there. When the food arrived Dean gave his familiar displeased look at Sam's choice and the three of them ate in relative silence.

 

They paid for breakfast and were all heading to the car, laughing at one of Dean's ridiculous comments when the laughter suddenly died. Chip was standing next to the car, peering through the driver’s side. As the three of them approached the vehicle chip looked up with feigned surprise. "This your car?" he asked Dean. He knew damned well that it was.

 

"Yeah." Dean replied stoically as he reached into his pocket for the keys. He tossed them to Sam who unlocked the passenger side and then reached back to unlock the back door. Johnny quickly climbed into the back seat. Sam remained standing, leaning tensely on the roof of the car.

 

"Sixty eight Impala, don't see many of these around." Chip flashed a fake smile.

 

"Sixty seven actually." 

 

"Huh." Chip obviously didn't like being corrected. "Well you drive real careful." Chip patted the hood and Dean resisted the urge to smack his hand away. "It would be a real shame if anything were to happen to such a nice...” his eyes quickly darted from Johnny to Sam and then back to Dean. "...car." he finished as he flashed another counterfeit smile. Dean held Chip's eyes intently.

 

"Oh I wouldn't worry." Dean inwardly smouldered with anger. "I take real good care of my things." Neither Chip nor Sam missed the undertone.

 

"I bet you do." Chip laughed. That ridiculously fake condescending laugh that seemed to be perfected over the generations by the wealthy elite of America. "I bet you do." he repeated as he turned and walked toward his Hummer that sat on the other side of the parking lot. He pulled out of the small lot with a wave, then burst out laughing and gunned the accelerator causing smoke to roll up from his tires as he cut off a station wagon and sped off.

 

"Fucking prick." Sam stated. Dean didn't respond. Sam crawled into the car and unlocked Dean's door which was quickly jerked out of his hand. Dean got in the car and slammed the door with enough force to make Sam wince. It was obvious that Dean was furious. He took the keys from Sam and started the car. Dean paused for a moment, taking a deep breath as he firmly gripped the steering wheel. Then he slowly threw the car into gear and they drove back to campus in silence, all three men lost in their own thoughts of what the earlier conversation implied.

 

Dean dropped Sam and Johnny off in campus parking lot, stating that he needed to take care of a few things. He then peeled out of the parking lot and Sam and Johnny exchanged concerned looks. They were both worried about Dean but neither man spoke.

 

Sam was wired. He briefly thought of going for a run, but dismissed the idea quickly. The events of this morning made that a really bad idea. Sam was no coward, he wasn't stupid either. He had never been in a fight but thought that he could possibly hold his own in a one on one fight simply due to his size. There wasn't much chance however that he would run into Chip or one of his lackeys alone. Wolves hunt in packs he thought to himself. Sam felt that perhaps he should have been angry with Dean for dragging him into this situation but he wasn't. It wasn't Dean's fault, Chip was just a dick. He also knew that Dean would blame himself, that had been made very clear this morning. Sam hoped that nothing would happen. He didn't exactly like the idea of being Chip's punching bag, but what really scared him was the thought of what Dean would do if something did happened to him or Johnny.

 

************

 

Sam spent the day trying to study, trying being the active word. He glanced over to the clock again. 6:17. With every minute that past Sam found himself becoming more and more concerned about Dean. He was sure that Dean could handle himself in most situations. Not so however in the numerous twisted situations that Sam's mind seemed to come up with at a frighteningly accelerated rate. He knew that he was being stupid, he just couldn’t stop himself. Where the hell was he? What the hell had he been doing all day? 

 

Sam gave up his facade and closed his laptop. He leaned against the headboard bending his knees up toward his chest. His head fell noisily against the wall. Dean's current whereabouts wasn't the only thing bothering Sam. He was well aware of the nagging inner voice that had seemed to appear around the same time as Dean. Until now he had been fairly successful in keeping it at bay, or more accurately, ignoring it completely. He hoped that it would just go away, but in fact that little bastard in his head seemed to be popping up more and more. Now, alone in his room and frankly unable to do anything else, Sam finally allowed his thoughts settle on Dean.

 

There was something about Dean that made Sam feel comfortable, safe. It was like they had known each other for years and not just six weeks. Sam had no problem in admitting that Dean was his best friend. He did however have somewhat of a problem admitting to himself that it was somehow more than that. Sam had had a best friend all through high school, Tony Miller. They had fallen out of touch now, but at one time they had been inseparable. They finished each others sentences, laughed at the same jokes, kept each others secrets and shared each others joys and heartaches. However nothing Tony Miller had ever done had made Sam's stomach flutter.

 

There it was. 

 

Sam let out a resigned sigh. No amount of thinking or reasoning could contradict that simple yet undeniable feeling. 

 

He was falling in love with Dean.

 

Sam's eyes shot open at the realisation. Oh my God!... I'm not gay!.... At least I didn't think I was gay.... Not that there is anything wrong with that... Is there? ...No, of course not! Dean is gay and you don't have a problem with that.....at least you think Dean is gay...Of course he is gay you idiot!... But that is Different!......Why?.....

 

"I'm falling in love with Dean." It wasn't a question. At hearing his own words Sam's mind immediately calmed, as if saying it aloud was what gave the thought truth. Suddenly everything that he had been experiencing recently became clear. He found it hard to believe that he couldn't see it before. Sam found himself smiling as he let it all sink in. 

 

The smile quickly faded.

 

What's to say that Dean felt the same way? How the hell would you even bring up something like that? Maybe he wasn't Dean's type. Maybe Dean wasn't even gay. Sam was petty damned sure that he was but now doubts played in his mind. After all he had never actually admitted to it, and there was the fact that Sam had never seen him with another man. That led Sam down a whole new train of thought. Dean with another man. Sam was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he failed to notice how quickly his mind had jumped from "he's my best friend' to the pangs of jealousy that he now felt at the idea of Dean with someone else. 

 

The door opened and Dean walked into their small room.

 

Sam let out a heavy sigh of relief. "Dean. Where the hell have you been?"

 

Dean didn't answer. He walked over to his closet and pulled out a suitcase and began filling it with his books.

 

"What are you doing?" Sam's heart leapt in his chest. He had a sudden irrational fear that Dean had somehow found out about his newly realised feelings. Don't be stupid!

 

Dean zipped the suitcase closed and grabbed his duffle. He went to his dresser and proceeded to fill it full of clothes. "I'm packing." He said, never looking at Sam.

 

"I can see that. Why are you packing?" Sam was terrified. He just learned how much he needed Dean and now he was about to lose him.

 

"Because I'm leaving." Dean stuffed the last of his clothes into the bag and threw it onto the bed next to the suitcase.

 

"Jesus Dean! Could you try and be more cryptic?"

 

Dean turned to face Sam for the first time. His face was completely clear of emotion and his voice was steady, yet firm. "What do you want me to say Sam?"

 

"I want you to tell me why the fuck you are leaving! What the hell happened!"

 

Dean went back to the closet and grabbed his few remaining things."It’s ok Sam, really." Even though Sam couldn't see Dean's face there was no mistaking the sadness in his voice. It was suddenly and painfully clear that Dean thought that Sam wanted him to leave.

 

"I don't want you to leave Dean."

 

"You will." the certainty that he heard in Dean's voice broke Sam's heart.

 

"Why would you think that?" It took every ounce of willpower that Sam had to keep his voice steady.

 

"Everyone does eventually."

 

"My God Dean what the fuck happened to you?" Dean didn't reply. He grabbed his suitcase and hoisted his bag over his shoulder. "No you don't!" Sam yelled as he jumped off his bed and darted past Dean, slamming his back against the door.

 

"Out of my way Sam."

 

"No."

 

"Sam, if you don't move-"

 

"You'll what! I'm not moving. If you want me out of the way so bad you'll have to move me." Sam glared at Dean, never wavering.

 

Dean only stared at Sam for a moment, then he reached out his arm to brush Sam out of the way. Sam snapped. He lunged forward and grabbed Dean by his jacket, shoving him into the wall. The suitcase fell to the floor. "You can be such an ass!" Sam tensed in anticipation of a blow that never came. Dean only stared up at him, hands against the wall, bewildered look in his eyes. "Do you think that because things get tough I am just going to toss you aside like a used rag! Fuck Dean! I would think that you know me better than that! I don't know what other people have done to you, but I am not other people and I am not going to let you just walk away!" Sam shook Dean to drive his point home, his eyes never leaving Dean's. Sam slowly loosened his grip on Dean's collar and then took a step back. 

 

"I thought-"

 

"I know what you thought." Sam reached down and picked up the suitcase. He carried it over to Dean's closet and proceeded to unpack all the books that Dean had packed only minutes before. He heard a muffled thump from Dean's bag being thrown back onto his bed and Sam smiled to himself.

 

"I could use a drink. You?" Sam knew that it was Dean's version of an apology.

 

 

******


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes: Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me with this story. Hope you all enjoy!  


* * *

*****

 

 

 

It was Friday afternoon and Sam found himself glancing up at the clock, willing it to move faster as he sat in the stuffy class room. Sam hated his American civil rights class, but most of all he hated Mr Stander. He was a short balding man in his fifties who always wore a tweed jacket and a bowtie. He had beady little eyes and a small pointy nose that held thin round metal rimmed glasses that had less style and character than a used tea bag. Mr. Stander had an annoying habit of sniffing loudly and jutting his nose in the air when he thought that he had made a particularly brilliant point. Which was often. He would pause in the front of the class, nose and chin jutting toward the ceiling, pursing his non existent thin lips together in a mock pucker while he let his divine wisdom sink into the crowd. God, what a prick Sam thought to himself as he typed notes into his laptop. He wasn't sure he could take another forty five minutes of this self righteous asshole. 

 

Sam wasn't usually so bitter, however today he just wanted to get the fuck out of here. Things with Dean had gone right back to usual after the incident last weekend. Neither man ever spoke of it, but Sam could feel it looming between them like a physical presence. Sam found his mind wandering once again to the hurt tone of Dean's voice and the shocked look in his eyes when he finally realised that Sam didn't want him to leave. He wondered what had happened to Dean to make him feel so vulnerable and worthless. 

 

A loud sniff echoed through the room.

 

Sam rolled his eyes as Mr Sander turned to the blackboard and began to write FREEDOM in large capitol letters. God, even that was annoying. The chalk would squeak as he wrote, making irritating grating sounds. It was if he was scraping his nails across the board instead of chalk. Just as Sam was asking himself how he was going to get through this for the ninth time the classroom door swung open and Dean walked in. Sam felt his heart leap in his chest and he quickly glanced around the room to see if anyone noticed his reaction. No one seemed to notice him or the man who had just walked in. Sam gave Dean a 'what the fuck' look, but Dean only smiled and put his finger to his lips in a ' sshhh' gesture. He then winked at Sam and quietly took a seat part way down the aisle. Mr Stander drew a sharp line under the word that he had just written, ending it with a sharp and misplaced dot that Sam was surprised didn't break the chalk. He then turned casually from the board, wiping his hands together to remove the chalk dust. The action was somewhat redundant since he still held the chalk in his hand. He was too consumed with himself to notice the new arrival.

 

"Freedom."

 

Sniff. Dramatic pause.

 

Sam found himself concentrating intently on not concentrating on Dean as they sat through fifteen minutes of the wonders and majesty of this fair and just nation. Freedom of speech, equal rights under the law, liberty and justice for all and God bless us everyone. Bla bla bla, sniff sniff sniff.

 

Then the sound of laughter filled the room.

 

Oh God.

 

Mr Stander glared up at the source of the noise, obviously displeased with being interrupted. "Do you find something funny young man?" His voice was just as annoying as everything else he did.

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

Oh God. Sam slumped down slightly in his chair.

 

"I see, and do you care to share your revelation with the class?"

 

"Equal rights. I just find that funny." Every eye in the class was focussed on Dean. Except for Sam's. His eyes were staring intently at his laptop, one hand partially covering his face.

 

Mr Stander looked as if he just was slapped in the face."Equality is no laughing matter young man! This country was built on the idealism of freedom! The right of every man woman and child to be free of persecution and tyranny!" Sniff. Dark red patches were creeping up from the angry teacher’s shirt collar as he spoke.

 

"I think there are a lot of niggers and faggots who would disagree with you." Dean casually stated.

 

"You will not use such language in my class!" The blotchy patches were now starting to creep into his cheeks.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were just talking about freedom of speech." The statement was calm, but it was clear to Sam that Dean was thuroughly enjoying himself.

 

"Not when it is filled with hatred and vulgarity! That goes against every principal of equality and liberty!" Sniff. The beady eyed little man now looked as if he was sunburned.

 

"Oh, ok. So I am free to speak my mind only when it conforms to the accepted idealism of the masses." Mr Stander looked like he was ready to explode. "Isn't that an oxymoron? Maybe you should be teaching freedom to say what is appropriate''.

 

It was apparent that Mr Stander was lost for words. After a brief stare down he asked "What is your name young man?" Dean laughed at the obvious tactic to change the subject.

 

"Winchester. Dean Winchester."

 

“I don't recall that name as being listed on my student roster."

 

"Oh, that's because it's not, I'm not in your class." Dean flashed a winning smile

 

"I think you should leave."

 

Dean got out of his chair and addressed the class. "Sorry if I interrupted you, I was merely trying to make a point. But I digress, after all...” His eyes locked on the visibly angry teacher. “Nothing is more precious than independence and liberty." He flashed another smile.

 

"That is the first intelligent thing that I have heard you say Mr Winchester." 

 

"Oh I didn't say it, I was quoting someone else."

 

"Well I'm sure he was a great man." Sniff. The red was beginning to leave his face. He now looked more like his composed arrogant self.

 

"So you assume it was a man? So much for equality."

 

"Leave now Mr Winchester."

 

Dean nodded and made his way to the door, just as he reached it a voice was heard from the back of the room. "Who did say it?" Dean turned from the door, his green eyes locked onto the beady rimmed ones of Mr Stander.

 

"It was Ho Chi Minh." He pushed open the door and left the room. The only sound to be heard in the silent room was the snapping of chalk.

 

*******

 

Sam shuffled out of class and into the hallway using his unusual height to find the best path through crowd. He was startled by a slap on his back.

 

"Jesus Dean, don't do that. And what the hell was that earlier?" Sam noticed that while he was dodging left and right to avoid bumping into anyone, Dean just kept walking straight. The sea of students just seemed to part for him, giving him a clear path. He also noticed the quick glances and huddled whispers from the crowd as they walked by.

 

"Come on Sam, that guy was a Douche."

 

Sam agreed one hundred percent but he wasn't going to tell Dean. He didn't think that he needed any more encouragement. "Maybe, but that Douche is responsible for my grade Dean."

 

"Lighten up Sammy! Admit it, it was a little funny."

 

Sam had thought it was fucking hilarious. "Maybe just a little. What were you doing here anyway?"

 

"I came to head you off at the pass before you got back and started to study." Dean grabbed Sam's laptop and tucked it under his arm. "Must be something wrong with my watch." Dean looked at his watch and gave it a quick tap before it disappeared back into his sleeve, but not before Sam noticed that it read the correct time. Sam felt another familiar leap in his belly. He was giddy with the idea that Dean had apparently been waiting for him to get out of class.

 

The two men walked across campus slowly soaking up the unusually warm October day, talking and laughing all the while. When they entered their building they noticed that the laundry room was empty. There were only four washing machines for the entire building and actually getting one before someone else beat you to the punch was nearly impossible. 

 

"Dude!" Dean said as he gave Sam a quick pat on the chest. Sam instantly knew what Dean was thinking. He took back his laptop and hurried up to their room to collect their laundry while Dean laid down across the top of the machines. Sam quickly returned and began to sort his clothes while he watched Dean grab random handfuls and overstuff the machines.

 

Leaving your laundry unattended was something that only freshmen were stupid enough to do, so after Dean had put in his quarters and started the machines he sat down at the small table that was in the room and began setting up the crib board that Sam had brought. After he had shuffled the cards for the eighth time he looked up at Sam who was still going through his pockets and turning the items right side out before placing them into the machines, one for dark clothes and one for light.

 

"It's not a test Sam, it's fucking laundry." Sam only laughed and continued sorting his clothes. “And I thought I was gay." It was said casually while Dean continued to shuffle the cards, but Sam had to fight to cover his shock. It was the first time that Dean had said or done anything that suggested his sexual preference since their brief conversation in the first week of school. Sam found himself all at once surprised, warmed and incredibly excited. To his relief Dean seemed not to notice.

 

The two men played cards and talked about nothing in particular until their laundry was done. They grabbed the warm clothes and returned to their room. Sam placed his basket on the chair and began neatly folding while Dean dumped his bag of clothes onto his bed and proceeded to roll his clothes into neat little balls.

 

"So" Sam started as he folded "I'm not allowed to study, so what am I allowed to do."

 

"God Sam, you make me sound like a dick."

 

"You are a dick."

 

"Yeah, well... well at least I don't measure out my fabric softener..... How can you use that shit anyway, that bear is evil you know." Dean stated with conviction as he pointed to the seemingly innocent teddy on Sam's fabric softener bottle." There's probably some freaky ingredient in that stuff that makes you want to start dicing up kittens."

 

"Yeah Dean, snuggles is the anti-Christ."

 

"Anything named snuggles has to be evil. Just don't come crying to me when you have kitten blood on your hands, I tried to warn you."

 

"Well thanks for trying to save my soul from the evils of my laundry."

 

"That's what I'm here for. You hungry?"

 

After ten minutes of bickering about what to eat they both agreed to just go to Ed's.

 

 

***************

 

After dinner Dean coasted the Impala down the main drag that was now mostly empty. The moon hung large and bright, a crisp contrast to the sheer black of the sky. The sidewalk was bathed in pale foggy light from the sparsely dispersed streetlights, casting an eerie glow onto the now closed storefronts. It looked like a scene from every Stephen King book ever written, and the mood was only enhanced by the faint dull thumping that could be heard in the distance, getting louder as the car glided forward. The quiet street soon became crowded with parked cars and large groups of people milling about on the sidewalk, laughing and whooping as tendrils of smoke drifted up from their lips. The dull thump now became a physical presence, felt even through the motion of the car, getting briefly louder and then receding to a quiet din each time the club door was opened. The car slowed and the two men shared a brief glance. Nothing was said, but the Impala suddenly gained speed and the hectic scene in the otherwise quiet town was left in the rear view mirror.

 

They drove in silence for ten or fifteen minutes before Dean turned the car onto an unmarked dirt road. Sam had no idea where they were going. He didn't even know if Dean actually had a destination in mind but he didn't ask. He didn't really care. During dinner Dean had suggested that they go to The Auditorium, the town's only night club that thrived on the sinful indulgence of the town’s student populace despite its seemingly dull and somewhat ridiculous name. Sam had readily agreed although he hadn't particularly shared Dean's enthusiasm at the idea. Sam sat staring out into the darkness remembering the brief moment of eye contact with Dean outside the club. It was as if Dean had read his mind, knew exactly what he was thinking, well not everything that he was thinking. Sam shifted in his seat, tugging at his jeans that now seemed a little tight.

 

"What" Dean never looked over at Sam, his gaze stayed firmly fixed on the road.

 

"What what?" 

 

"Stop thinking so much, you're giving me a headache."

 

Sam let out a small snuffled noise that passed for a laugh. "You want some aspirin?" Sam knew it was lame, but he wanted to change the subject.

 

Dean slowed the car and pulled it onto an even smaller side road that was blocked by a large metal gate that read ' Private Property. No Trespassing ' in large red letters. Sam's stomach suddenly flew up into his throat. He was momentarily terrified that Dean had in fact just read his mind. A million scenarios flashed through his mind mixed with fear and anticipation. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when Dean got out of the car and walked the ten paces or so the gate, pulling out something from his pocket and fiddling with the large padlock for a moment or two before it opened in his hands. He then opened the gate enough to accommodate the Impala and jumped back in the car, never closing the door as he put the car in gear and drove slowly past the metal barrier.

 

"Where the hell did you learn to do that?"

 

"Boy Scouts." Dean replied with a mischievous grin and then threw the car in park and hopped out. He closed the gate and locked it behind them. He returned to the car and they drove up the slowly winding dirt path.

 

"Were the hell are we?" Sam asked with genuine curiosity.

 

"Just a place I found."Dean answered. Sam was hit with a sudden and unwelcomed thought of just who else Dean had brought here. The thought quickly faded away and was replaced by the thought of exactly why he had been brought here. He shifted in his seat again.

 

“I come here sometimes when I want to unwind." Dean stated as if somehow answering Sam's unvoiced question. “Not exactly a lot of happening places in this town and I don't feel like sittin around in our room on a Friday night watchin re-runs of Seinfeld." Dean shrugged and then smiled. "We may not have anything better to do, but no one else needs to know that. Gotta keep up the mystery vibe." Dean then wiggled his eyebrows at Sam in a way that Sam found simultaneously amusing and incredibly alluring. Sam couldn't help but laugh.

 

They drove up the winding hill for several more minutes, passing an old dilapidated building. From the few vague shapes that Sam could see in the dark it appeared to be an old sawmill or foundry. It had obviously not seen any use for a very long time. The road came to an abrupt end and Dean slowed the car, easing it to a stop on a large patch of grass just off the road. He turned off the engine but left the keys in the ignition and fumbled around under his seat until he pulled out a cassette tape which he popped into the deck. The sounds of Led Zepplin filled the quiet night and Dean got out of the car. 

 

"Want a beer?" he called back at Sam who was now standing on the grass stretching his long limbs. 

 

"Sounds good."

 

Dean opened the trunk and emerged several moments later with a case of beer, a large opened bag of Doritos and an old tattered grey blanket. Sam suddenly had a feeling, no, he just knew that this is where Dean had slept the nights that he never came home during their first week of school. It seemed so long ago, like another life time. He was saddened at the thought of Dean huddled alone in the cramped car with only a thin blanket to keep him warm. It was easy to forget how fragile Dean could be in the face of his self imposed confident arrogance. Sam was determined to find the cause of Dean's insecurities.

 

Dean spread the blanket across the hood of the car to protect the paintjob and jumped up, two bottles of beer and the bag of chips tucked tight in one hand. Sam joined him and took one of the bottles that were offered as Dean began stuffing his face with zesty taco chips. Their conversation was relaxed and easy. Both men were sprawled out on the car, backs resting on the windshield and they shared stories of their childhood and adolescent adventures, though Sam noted that Dean was often vague on many of the more important details. They were both laughing and clutching their stomachs when the last song on the most recent tape that Dean kept changing all night ended. Their laughter slowly died away and was replaced by an almost pressing silence.

 

"Dean..." Dean groaned. He was all too familiar with that tone of Sam's voice. "Why did you think I wanted you to leave?"

 

"Dude, don't start. I swear this is why I don't date women." 

 

"I'm serious Dean."

 

"So am I!" Dean replied with obvious exasperation. Sam held his eyes. He wasn't going to let Dean wiggle his way out of this. He needed to know. 

 

"Talk to me Dean." The sincerity in Sam's voice was clear. Dean sighed and jumped off the hood. Sam thought that he was going to walk away, however he just grabbed anther bottle of beer and once again joined Sam on the blanket. He sat in silence for several minutes, his back to Sam who still lay on the windshield trying his hardest to appear relaxed while suppressing the urge to jump up and beat a confession out of his roommate’s thick head.

 

Dean's eyes roamed across the dark landscape, looking at everything but Sam. After several minutes of silence Dean cleared his throat. "I met David my first year at West Point. We hit it off right away and it soon became....something else." Dean took a long pull on his beer, swallowing more than was strictly necessary to simply force the liquid down his throat. “I don't know if I actually ever loved him, but I cared for him a lot. I would have done pretty much anything for him.....I thought he felt the same way...” Dean swallowed hard again though he hadn't taken another sip.

 

Sam could see the tension in Dean's shoulders and he took a silent breath as he prepared himself to listen to an all too familiar story of heartache and loss. There was nothing familiar about this story.

 

"It was a few months into our second year. We grew....careless. “Dean took a deep breath and continued.”He never was very good at keeping quiet." He smiled briefly, but it faded into an expression of anger and hurt. "We were brought to see the colonel......the school head master, it's a military school and all teachers and staff hold appropriate rank.... He didn't say much, he just looked at us with disgust. It was clear that David was much more nervous than me so he was kept for questioning while I was told to go to my room and remain there....until which time my presence was required. “He said the last words in what Sam assumed was a mock imitation of the Colonel.”I wasn't particularly worried about myself. My father already knew although he chose to ignore it. I knew he was gonna be some pissed but......" Dean trailed off. He took another sip of beer. “A few hours later I was surprised when my door opened without a knock. The colonel walked in....followed by two MP's."

 

Sam was quite surprised. He knew that the army still frowned upon homosexuality but he no longer thought that it was a punishable offence. He was contemplating saying something when Dean spoke.

 

"David told them that I had raped him."

 

Sam felt like he was punched in the gut. He hadn't had many relationships and none of them were very serious, but he couldn't imagine how he would have felt at such a betrayal. He wanted to comfort Dean, to reassure him somehow, but he didn't. He had a feeling that there was more and if he spoke now Dean would close off.

 

"David liked it....rough...and......" Dean took another sip of beer. He didn't need to finish the sentence for Sam to understand what he meant. When he spoke again he sounded more composed. “The charges were dropped two days later, but it didn't matter. Everyone figured that David's family convinced him to drop the charges to avoid the embarrassing headlines...... I've always known that I was different, thought that it didn't bother me but........"

 

Dean bowed his head and began picking at the label on his beer. Sam could see the sad and shamed look on his face and he had to clench his fists to contain his anger. He had made up his mind. He was about to sit up and wrap his arms around Dean and tell him how he felt, consequences be damned. But as soon as he started to move Dean spoke again.

 

“A week later I was called to the colonel's office. I assumed that he was going to try and persuade me to leave; after all I was an embarrassment and a disgrace to the school. I was determined to stay, cause fuck them.... If they wanted to make my life hell I wasn't about to make it easy for them. I wasn't prepared for what he said.... He... he told me that David had...” Sam heard Dean's voice choke. Dean cleared his throat. "....he had k-killed himself.” Dean took another deep breath, obviously struggling to keep his emotions under control. “I didn't know what to say... The colonel did. He got right in my face and told me...... told me that it was my fault, that I should have been the one....." Dean's shoulders shuddered briefly. 

 

Sam was frozen in place, completely at a loss for thoughts let alone words. He found himself struggling to keep a reign on his own emotions.

 

Dean stiffened. “I hit him. Before I knew what had happened the MP's were dragging me off.... I should have been court marshalled, but my father somehow convinced the review board to drop the charges. I guess working for the N.S.A. has its perks.......I was expelled.... My...my father came to see me one last time several months later. He handed me an envelope with my acceptance papers to Hatford. The only thing he said as he left was that he was....was glad that my mother had died....." A single tear ran down Dean's cheek. "...so...so she never had to see the twisted faggot that her son had become." Dean turned to Sam for the first time, another tear slipping down his face. "Is that what you want to know Sam? Is it? Because I wish to God that I ..............." Dean caught himself and looked away.

 

"Dean...I'm sorry." Sam sat next to Dean not knowing what else he could possibly say. Dean only nodded. After a moment of awkward silence Dean turned to face Sam with wet sullen eyes. Their eyes met and Dean reached up slowly and ran his finger gently across Sam's forehead as he brushed away a tuft of hair that had fallen into his eyes. The touch was impossibly tender and yet full of so much heat and desire that Sam felt he would explode. Sam’s breath caught in his throat as Dean's warm callused fingers were softly trailed down the side of his face. 

 

Dean suddenly stiffened and backed away. He jumped off the car and pulled the blanket off the hood, nearly causing Sam to fall off the car. He grabbed the case of beer and empty chip bag off the ground and threw them in the back seat. "Let's go. It's getting late. “His tone was steady and sure and Sam knew that Dean had once again locked himself behind his stone walls.

 

 

*****


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: Once again thank you to everyone who has encouraged me with your wonderful comments.  


* * *

****

 

 

The drive back to campus was awkward to say the least. Neither man spoke, which was fine with Sam. He needed time to process everything that had just happened. His mind was torn between the pain and sadness that he felt at Dean's confession and his excitement as he remembered Dean's soft touch. He had no idea what he was going to do. How do you begin to break down walls that had been built up by so much hurt? Sam found that he couldn't even imagine the depths of Dean's pain. No wonder Dean had stepped in and rescued Johnny that day at the diner. He knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of people’s judgement and cruelty. As they neared the school Sam dared a brief glance at Dean. He shivered when he saw the same blank unreadable expression that he had seen the day Sam had first noticed Dean in the campus square. Somehow he just knew that Dean was inwardly chastising himself for his emotional slip. Sam vowed that no matter how difficult it would be or how long it would take he was going to prove to Dean that he was worthy of his trust.

 

When they arrived home Dean finally broke the silence. "I'm taking a shower." His tone was distant and cold.

 

"Dean.....I can't just ignore this." It was true. Sam felt as if he would go insane if he held in his feelings any longer.

 

"Ignore what?" Dean asked casually as he removed his coat and boots and began rummaging through his dresser for a clean towel. 

 

Sam felt a pang of hurt at Dean's casual dismissal, but he knew that it was just Dean's way of dealing with what had happened. Sam closed the distance between them. He reached up and turned Dean's face toward his own letting his hand gently caress the side of Dean's face, mirroring the older man's earlier actions.

 

"Don't Sam." Dean turned away; he took two steps before he let out a pained sigh and rested his back on the wall. He leaned his head back and it hit the wall with a loud thunk.

 

Sam's heart beat so hard and fast that he thought it was going to burst out of his ribcage. He was surprised that he could even hear Dean above the loud beating of his own chest in his ears. He took a breath and willed his body forward. “Don’t do what Dean..." he said softly. His hand once again found its way to Dean's face and his thumb slowly brushed over trembling lips. “This?" Sam lifted Dean's chin and bent down to cover his lips with his own. It was soft and tender and oh my God so good. Sam felt as though his entire body had been electrified. He wanted so badly to press his lips down hard and force his tongue into Dean's warm inviting mouth, but he held back. His pulse raced along with his mind and he knew that this moment was so much more important than just a kiss. With reluctance he pulled away staring at Dean, hand still cupping his face. He was so beautiful. God was he beautiful! Dean's eyes were still closed and his lips slightly parted. Sam watched with rapture as Dean's tongue darted out over his plump pouty lips as if trying to taste Sam still on him, trying to reassuring himself that the kiss had actually happened. There was no way that such a simple gesture should have been so incredibly hot.

 

Dean never opened his eyes; his voice came out nothing more than a whisper. "You don't want this Sam...You don't know......." his voice trailed away and he opened his eyes and looked up at Sam. Sam could read the fear and hurt mixed with desire in Dean's eyes, it was if he could see down to Dean's very soul. He knew what Dean had stopped himself from saying. 

 

"I don't care what people think of me Dean."

 

"I do." Dean's eyes fell away and Sam was stunned by Dean's words. Even now, in the face of his own pain and desire Dean was concerned about Sam, about how this would make him feel. He didn't want Sam to have to feel the pressing stares, to recognise the hatred and revulsion he saw in those eyes. He wanted to protect Sam from the hurt and rejection that had scarred him so badly. Sam knew that he needed to be careful with his words.

 

"I want this Dean...tell me that you don't and I will stop. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't want me."

 

Dean locked his eyes on Sam's. He opened his mouth several times as if to speak, but no words came out. Dean swallowed hard. "I...I...Damnit Sam." His head hit the wall again. "I...I can't.........God help me I can't." 

 

Sam leaned down and once again captured Dean's lips. Dean tensed, but slowly acquiesced to Sam’s touch. His lips parted in permission, allowing Sam’s tongue to slide into his mouth and get his first real taste of Dean, and oh! It was heaven! Dean pressed his own tongue past Sam's and the kiss grew heated and feverish as both men battled for dominance with their tongues and teeth and hands. When their need for air became too much they pulled away from each other with sharp gasping breaths. Sam rested his forehead against his partners, still panting with desperation.

 

"Want this Dean...Want you." No sooner had he said the words than Sam felt himself being whirled around, his back now up against the wall and Dean's hot sensual mouth once again over his own. He felt Dean's hands running over his chest and up his shoulders, down his arms and he heard his jacket fall to the floor. He was lost in the sensation of Dean's mouth as Dean licked and sucked and nibbled at his lips. He had never been kissed like this, so forceful and needy and just so God damn hot. Sam could feel the ache in his pants as blood rushed to fill his straining cock. He was barely aware of his arms being pulled over his head and Dean pulled away briefly to tug his shirt over his head before his mouth came crashing back down in another hard demanding kiss. Dean finally pulled away and Sam groaned at the loss of sensation.

 

Dean quickly threw off his own shirt and leaned into Sam's neck kissing and biting as one hand slowly rubbed down Sam's stomach until it came to rest over the hardness in his jeans. Dean's other hand was clenched in Sam's hair, forcing his head back to reveal more of his throat. Sam's hips bucked forward into Dean’s hand that was now rubbing his hard needy cock.

 

"Yes....oh God." Sam knew that he sounded needy and desperate but he just didn't care. He couldn't think of anything except Dean's hand that was now working its way into his pants and the hot wet lips on his neck.

 

"You taste so good...." Dean trailed his tongue up Sam's neck and began to suck on his earlobe. Sam could feel and hear Dean's breath on his ear and oh fuck! He had never been so turned on in his life. "So good..." Dean repeated as he nibbled and tugged at the soft mound of flesh. "...want to taste all of you...”

 

Sam groaned loudly and kept himself from cumming in his pants with sheer force of will as the meaning of Dean's words sank in. Dean began licking down Sam's neck as he slowly started to sink down, placing small kisses down his throat as he went. He gasped loudly as he felt Dean's hot mouth close over one of his nipples, sucking and nibbling, felt his tongue flick over the hardening bud. Dean released his nipple and sunk down slowly, oh God so slowly, kissing and licking his way down Sam's heaving chest, stopping briefly to circle his tongue in his belly button before coming to rest on his knees.

 

Sam's pants were already undone and he watched, helpless with desire as Dean tugged them down, giving an appreciative smile at the hard shaft that sprung free. Dean looked up from impossibly long lashes and caught Sam's eyes as if asking for permission, giving Sam one last chance to stop this. Nothing on earth could stop Sam from having this. The walls could have come crashing down around him and he wouldn't have noticed or cared. He couldn't bring himself to speak, he only nodded shakily and then watched as Dean lowered his mouth onto his dripping cock and Holy Fuck was that the hottest thing that Sam had ever seen!

 

“Holy fuck Dean!...Oh...Oh my God..." the words flew from his lips with no help from his conscious mind.

 

Sam bucked uncontrollably into Dean's mouth and Dean's hands came to rest on his hips, pressing him firmly against the wall. Sam's hands clenched wildly at Dean's head, trying to find purchase is his short spiky hairs and, Jesus Christ! Dean swallowed and took him deeper sending tingling vibrations through his cock when he began to groan. It was obvious that Dean was enjoying himself almost as much as Sam and his groans became louder and more urgent, keeping pace with the bobbing motions of his head. Sam knew that he wasn't going to last long.

 

"Oh God! ..Dean..can't..gonna....." He threw his head against the wall.

 

Dean's pace quickened and one hand came off Sam's hip and he almost shouted as he felt the warm hand cup his balls. Sam looked down at Dean again. Dean on his knees. His red swollen lips moving up and down his spit lubed dick with such intense focus and pleasure and, Holy Shit! The sight drove Sam over the edge. His vision blurred and his throat tightened and he let out a gurgled almost squeaky sound that would have otherwise been funny but Oh my God! His orgasm seemed to be ripped up from his toes and he was barely aware of Dean's strong hands on him, holding him up against the wall as he milked every last drop from Sam's slowly softening cock.

 

Sam couldn't move. It took all his strength just to keep himself upright as he panted and gasped on the wall. As his breathing began to slow he heard Dean rise to his feet and Sam leaned forward to give him a kiss. Dean's head drew back sharply and Sam was momentarily hurt before he realised that Dean wasn't sure about kissing him after what he had just done. Sam couldn't care less; he needed the comfort of Dean's lips on his, his skin pressed up against his sweaty chest. Sam reached out and took Dean by the back of the head, slowly pulling him toward his mouth. The kiss was gentle and exploratory and Sam could taste the uniqueness of Dean mixed with something else. It was intoxicating and sinful and Sam found himself stirring once again at Dean's touch. 

 

Dean pulled away. He fell to his knees once again, only this time he untied Sam’s laces and gently helped him out of his shoes and then his jeans. Dean rose and took Sam's hand, guiding him over to his bed. Sam let himself be led and fell onto Dean's bed without protest. His eyes locked on Dean's as he began to slowly remove his own clothes. The reality of what they had just done and what was about to happen hit Sam hard and he couldn't help but feel nervous and a little scared as well as excited. His eyes widened as he got his first look at Dean's huge stiff cock and he closed his eyes as Dean's hot naked body slowly covered his own. Dean took his mouth and Sam let out a small stifled whimper. Dean immediately pulled his head back.

 

"You haven’t done this before." Dean sounded somewhat shocked if not a little awed at the realisation. He sighed and pressed his head to Sam's while gently stroking his cheek. "Oh Sammy..."

 

"I want this Dean......I need this..please." Dean only nodded, then began placing gentle kisses along Sam's forehead, down his nose, across his jaw line and up his neck to his ear.

 

"Relax Sammy." He whispered between soft kisses. "..I'm going to make this good for you...” Kiss. Nibble. "...Gonna make you feel so good...” Sam was amazed at how gentle and sweet Dean's words and actions were. His heart swelled with feeling at the knowledge that Dean was letting himself be so open, so unguarded. "Just trust me....." And Sam did, fully and completely. 

 

Dean placed a soft kiss on Sam's lips and then reached down under the bed. Sam opened his eyes to see Dean now straddled atop him, a small white tube in his hand. He closed his eyes again and tried to calm himself. He heard a loud snick and willed his body to relax. His breath was sharp and ragged. 

 

What happened next was not what he was expecting.

 

Sam's eyes flew open as he felt his cock being enveloped in wet tight heat. He saw Dean's face pinch and heard the loud hiss that escaped his lips as he slowly lowered himself onto Sam. Holy fuck was it the most erotic thing that he had ever seen! Dean's head rolled over his shoulders and back exposing his throat as his face slowly changed into an expression of pleasure. A low growling filled Sam's ears as his cock filled Dean's ass.

 

"Oh God Sam....so good..." Dean whispered as he slowly began to rock himself onto Sam's hardness. "...So fucking good........"

 

Sam was bucking up into Dean before he was even aware that he was moving. Oh God, so hot, so tight. The little moaning sounds that Dean made drove Sam crazy, his mind didn't register that not all of the sounds that filled the room were coming from Dean.

 

"...Yes!..Fuck me Sam....fuck me harder." Sam was all too happy to oblige. He grabbed Dean's hips, giving himself more leverage, helping Dean thrust himself up and down. If Dean liked sucking cock then he loved getting fucked. He rocked Sam in and out of himself with a wild abandon that Sam thought only existed in cheesy romance novels. 

 

"Dean,.. oh God yes..oh God oh God. “Sam found his vast vocabulary reduced to these few simple words as he drove himself impossibly deeper. He grabbed Dean's hardness in his hand and began stroking him in time with his thrusts. He couldn't take his eyes off Dean. He watched him gasp and squirm and spew out nonsensical phrases mixed with a wide litany of curses while he rode his cock like a rodeo bull.

 

"God Sammy...gonna...gonna.....cum with me...come inside me.." With that Dean thrust his head back, arching his back until Sam felt the top of Dean's hair brush up against his knees. Dean stiffened and then Sam could feel hot thick liquid filling his hand as Dean clenched impossibly tight around him, chanting his name like a prayer.

 

Sam came again, his second orgasm just as intense as his first. "Dean..." He rode out the waves of pleasure until he felt Dean fall on his chest, hot, sweaty, and gasping. They stayed like this, unable to move until their breath evened out.

 

Dean shifted and pulled himself off Sam with a groan. He reached down and grabbed his shirt. He wiped himself off and then cleaned off Sam who couldn't seem to make his own limbs move. Dean threw the shirt back on the floor and then looked down at Sam and smiled weakly. He looked so unsure and vulnerable and the unspoken question that burned in his eyes gave Sam the strength to move. He reached up and pulled Dean down across his chest wrapping a long arm around him. Sam kicked down the covers and reached out with his other arm to pull the blankets over them. Sam wrapped his other arm around Dean, holding him tight. 

 

For the first time in his life Dean allowed himself to he held. 

 

****************

 

Dean glanced up at the clock. It was just before five. He had been awake for a while already but he didn't want to get up, not yet. He could feel the heat of Sam's chest against his back and he shifted to nuzzle himself a little closer. It felt good, right. Dean had never allowed himself to be held like this. He had always told himself that it was simply due to physical dynamics. Dean wasn't a small man, he was just over six one with a large muscular frame and most men that he had been with had been smaller than himself, both in height and build. But Sam was huge! He was nearly a head taller than Dean with a toned proportionate frame that was uncommon of most unusually tall men. And Dean was surprised to find that he loved it. He had never been one for the post coital emotional bonding that seemed to be a favoured pastime among gay men, a fact that had earned him several scars from randomly grabbed flying objects. Sex for Dean had always been about, well sex plain and simple. The one time that he had allowed himself to be comfortable and open in someone’s arms he had his heart ripped out and served to him on a plate of hot coals. Dean quickly pushed the thought away. He let himself relax into the large strong arms that held him, let the feel and smell of Sam wash over him. He felt safe and wanted, something that he had not felt since his mother had died. A part of Dean needed this so badly and he revelled in the warm feeling, even though he knew it wouldn't last. A tear slipped down his cheek and he tried to ignore it. 

 

*****************

 

Sam woke from the most amazingly vivid dream that he had ever had. As he shifted and opened his eyes he saw that the objects in the room were slightly out of place. Then it hit him. 

 

He was in Dean's bed. It had not been a dream. 

 

Sam smiled and rolled over to put his arm around Dean only to find the other side of the bed vacant. He was jerked out of his reverie over the previous night’s events and sat up quickly. The room was gloomy and bathed in the dancing shadows of the rain that fell outside the window, but that wasn't what caught Sam's attention. Dean stood half leaning against the window, arms folded across his chest, staring out at the rain with a haunted look on his face.

 

Sam looked over at the clock. It was 7:48. Dean was wearing his pajama bottoms and the green t-shirt that Sam loved because it brought out the green in his eyes. He was barefoot and it was obvious that he had not gone for his morning run nor showered. This concerned Sam. No matter what had happened or how late Dean was up the night before, nothing had ever stopped him from his morning routine. Sam quietly got out of bed and grabbed his boxers from the floor, irritated at having to waste the time untangling them from his jeans. He walked over to Dean, intent on wrapping his arms around him in reassurance. Before he reached him Dean spoke.

 

"I'm sorry." Dean's voice was low and full of regret. He never took his eyes away from the window.

 

Sam stopped in his tracks. The blissful feeling that he had when he had woken was completely gone, now being replaced with a sense of dread. Last night had meant something to Sam, something special, but he had not told Dean the extent of his feelings, scared that he would drive him away. Now he was glad he had held back. In the heat of the moment Sam had not entertained the idea that last night had been about nothing more than sex. He wondered if that was all it had meant to Dean. He had a hard time with the idea, but his insecurity grew with every moment of Dean's continued silence.

 

"Okay." Sam replied flatly, still afraid to ask Dean to clarify himself.

 

"It's not okay Sam." Sam's heart sank. Dean still stared out the window and Sam was unable to read the expression on his face. For once he was glad. He knew that he should do or say something, but he was at a complete loss. He just stood there unable to move, staring at Dean as he stared out the window.

 

Dean's low voice echoed in the quiet room. “I shouldn't have......." He stiffened and dropped his arms to his sides, setting his shoulders in a determined posture. "I'm sorry. I'll go." He turned and walked past Sam who was still frozen in place. 

 

Sam heard the closet door open and it jarred him into action. He would not let Dean leave. Not now. 

 

Not ever. 

 

Sam was briefly stunned at the sheer possessiveness of the thought. He whipped around to face the older man. "Dean...." His voice came out shaky and he swallowed, trying to compose himself. Dean continued rummaging through the closet. Sam walked slowly toward him and put an unsteady hand on his shoulder. He felt Dean flinch but forced himself not to draw back. "Dean what are you sorry for?" 

 

The question stopped Dean cold. He stood stiff with his suitcase in his hand. He didn't turn to look at Sam. “I shouldn't have.....I'm sorry."

 

"Stop saying that Dean. If you regret what happened we can deal with it, just....please don't leave. Talk to me."

 

"I can't...” Dean began stuffing his things into his suitcase with undue force. “I won't hurt someone again." He zipped up the case and threw it on the bed moving to the dresser.

 

"Then don't leave." Dean whirled around staring at Sam with confusion. Sam felt like he was walking a tight rope without a net. He slowly started toward Dean." I don't know what last night was to you, but it was special to me. I want you Dean; if not like that then at least........I need you Dean." Sam didn't know what else he could say.

 

"Why?" It was said with such hurt and confusion that Sam's heart split in two. It was so painful to know that Dean thought so little of himself that he couldn't understand why anyone would care about him.

 

"Because I love you." It came out before he had even realised that he was saying it. The statement surprised Sam as much as it did Dean, maybe even more. Dean looked as if he had just been punched in the gut.

 

"That isn't funny." It came out barely a whisper.

 

Sam came to a stop right in front of Dean and looked him in the eyes. "No. It isn't." Dean's eyes grew wide in disbelief and he began to slowly, almost imperceptibly shake his head. Sam knew that Dean was struggling to get his emotions under control and any second he would close off. He leaned down and kissed him. Dean tried to jerk away but Sam put his hand on the back of his head and forced their lips back together. After what seemed like an eternity Dean relaxed into Sam with a small whimper and returned his kiss.

 

Sam willed every emotion he was feeling to flow through his lips. He kissed Dean with the passion and possessiveness of a man obsessed. It was gentle and hard and submissive and demanding and everything that he didn't have words to describe. Sam felt Dean's hand on the back of his neck and his heart leapt into his throat. Dean wasn’t leaving, at least not right now. And right now was all that mattered.

 

Sam began to slowly pull Dean back toward the bed, surprised at the lack of hesitation in his partner. When they reached the bed Sam finally pulled away and gently eased his lover down onto his back. Dean's eyes were still closed and his breathing was ragged and unsteady. For a moment Sam was transfixed by the mere sight of him on the bed, so unsure and submissive. His heart swelled at the sight, knowing instinctively that no one else had ever seen Dean like this, no on else had ever made Dean feel like this. God, he was so beautiful.Sam lowered himself onto the shaking form.

 

"Sam..."

 

"Shhhh...I know." He cupped his face in both his hands and kissed him reassuringly, one hand beginning to roam down his partner’s side, gently stroking as it found its way under Dean's t-shirt. He devoured Dean's mouth with his own as his hand roamed under the shirt against the hot skin that he longed to have pressed against his own. Sam slid his hand under Dean and pulled him up off the bed until he almost sat in front of him. He broke the kiss and brought both of his hands down under soft green fabric, letting them gently caress his partner’s chest as he lifted the shirt up. Once the offending material was out of the way Sam pressed his body against Dean, feeling the heat of his golden skin against his own chest. He leaned down and kissed Dean's neck behind his ear while he once again lowered him onto the bed. Sam could feel Dean's hardness and his own cock screamed for friction and his hips started to grind in small circles, apparently with a will of their own. Dean's movements mirrored his own as Sam sucked and licked and kissed hot flesh. His head swam as he breathed in the scent of Dean, a spicy musk that was so much more intoxicating than any perfume he had ever smelled. It was strong and raw and pure Dean.

 

Sam slowly worked his way down to Dean's chest, leaving kisses and love bites as he went. He stopped his journey downward and engulfed a hard nipple in his hot wanting mouth, eliciting a low and wanton groan. The sound drove Sam on with renewed need. He lapped and sucked and nibbled on the impossibly hard nub wanting, no needing to hear more of the sweet pleading moans that were caused by his ministrations. He wasn't disappointed and he moved on to the other nipple, attacking it with equalled passion. Sam felt strong hands gripping his head and threading themselves through his hair while Dean bucked his hips below him.

 

"Sammy please....." It came out soft and breathless and holy fuck did it turn Sam on. He lifted himself up with a sigh and slipped his hands under the waistband of Dean's pjs. Dean lifted his hips up to allow Sam to remove them more easily and Oh God was that fucking hot! Sam couldn't take his eyes off Dean as he slowly removed his pants. His eyes were half open staring at Sam as he undressed him, skin flushed and lips red and puffy from Sam's assaulting kisses. Dean looked so different from the strong and confident man he had been last night. He was now timid and almost begging, looking needy and utterly debauched and so fucking damn sexy. Sam found that he loved to see Dean like this. Loved to make him feel like this. Most of all he loved that Dean allowed Sam to see him like this. It told him things that he knew Dean's voice never could.

 

Dean reached forward and began tugging at Sam's boxers and Sam obligingly helped him pull them off and threw them across the room. He then pressed himself down onto Dean again savouring the feeling and smell of the older man while their cocks rubbed together with rising urgency. Sam thanked God for his long arms when he reached out and grabbed the small bottle of lube that was tossed onto the floor the previous night without having to pull his lips away from Dean's. Like the rest of their body’s movements, their kisses were growing uncontrolled and frantic and Sam knew that he couldn't wait any longer. He sat up and flipped the lid on the tube, watching Dean watch him, his eyes blown wide with lust. He squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers, rubbing it in small circles to warm it up while his other hand gently spread Dean's legs. Dean took the cue and lifted his legs up and apart, resting his feet beside Sam's hips, knees poking up in the air. Jesus Christ was that hot! 

 

Sam's lubed fingers found their way to Dean's entrance and he traced small circles around the tight hole before pushing one finger in. Dean Groaned and bucked his hips, immediately fucking himself on Sam's finger.

 

"More...” came a desperate gasp.

 

Another finger pushed inside and Sam couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight. He watched with lust as his fingers moved in and out of Dean's willing body. He added a third finger and watched Dean eagerly thrust himself onto the lubed digits with growing intensity.

 

"Jesus Sam... just fuck me already!"

 

Oh God yes. Sam pulled out of Dean and grabbed the lube again. He then stroked himself with the cold gel, watching Dean lick his lips as he stared at the show unabashed. Sam stroked himself several more times for Dean's pleasure before his own pleasure became too much. He then guided the head of his cock to the middle of Dean's plump beautiful ass and slowly pushed inside.

 

"Oh God Dean....."the words flew from Sam's lips as he pushed himself deeper into his lover."...so tight...so fucking hot....God I love fucking you...." He stopped only when he was buried completely. He stared down at Dean whose head was thrown back exposing his throat. A hoarse growl escaped from his throat.

 

"Move!" Dean's voice was deep and raspy and filled with an intensity that made Sam groan with desire. He jerked his hips back and then thrust them forward with more force than he had intended but Dean didn't seem to mind. He met Sam thrust for thrust, groaning and panting like a wild animal in heat and holy shit was it a beautiful sight! Sam was torn between watching Dean's face contort in pleasure and watching his own cock slam again and again into Dean's hot ass.

 

"Oh ....God...fuck...Dean......" Sam continued his punishing pace while Dean moaned and gasped and demanded more and harder and faster and Oh God right there!

 

"...Fuck... Dean...gonna...oh God..." Even though Sam had came twice the night before he couldn't stave off his impending orgasm. It was just too much, too good, too tight and holy fuck!

 

“Tell me Sammy..." Dean begged."...please tell me........." Sam knew what Dean wanted to hear.

 

"I love you Dean."

 

Sam had barely gotten the words out when Dean's back arched up off the bed, leaving only his head on the pillow as he shot load after load of cum onto his chest with a harsh animalistic growl. Sam wanted this to last longer but the sight of Dean in the midst of his orgasm was too much. Knowing that he had made Dean cum without ever laying a hand on his cock. Made him cum by telling him that he loved him. Sam joined Dean in the throes of ecstasy, relishing the feel of his seed filling Dean, marking him from the inside, making Dean his.

 

After his heart rate slowed Sam pulled himself from Dean and flopped down on the bed beside him. He reached down and grabbed the same shirt that Dean had used to clean them the night before. Sam folded it up, covering the hard crusty spots with soft fabric and wiped them both down. He then laid down on Dean's chest, head nuzzling into that wonderful spot between his shoulder and neck. To his surprise Dean put his arm around him.

 

Sam's head began to bob up and down as a laugh started to rumble out of Dean's chest.

 

"What is so funny?" 

 

"Damn Sammy! I don't know why you spend so much time doing homework. You are one hell of a quick study." Dean's tone was joking, but his hand was gently stroking through Sam's hair.

 

Sam grinned. "See, all those cram sessions came in handy. Guess you’re gonna have to lay off with the teasing now."

 

"Oh hell no! What fun would that be?"

 

"Jerk."

 

"Bitch."

 

Although it was a far cry from post coital romance, Sam was pleased with the childish banter. That more than anything told him that Dean was ok with what had just happened. Ok with what Sam had told him. And Sam knew that Dean's reaction to his words showed how he felt though he was sure it would be a while until Dean could bring himself to say it. 

 

Sam would have been perfectly happy to just stay where he was and never move, but all too soon Dean was moving to get out of bed.

 

"We better jump in the shower. I'm sure Johnny is already freezing his ass off outside." With a groan of protest Sam peeled himself out of bed.

 

*************************

Sam and Dean showered and dressed quickly, well aware that they were late. They both knew that Johnny would be thinking that they had ditched him on purpose. No matter what they did to try and appease his fear both men knew that Johnny was insecure about their friendship. When Dean opened the door he stopped, causing Sam to walk into him. There was no one outside.

 

"Shit." Dean mumbled and then proceeded outside, pulling the collar of his brown leather jacket up against his neck to block the wind and rain. He looked over to Sam who gave him a ' what can you do shrug.' It suddenly occurred to Dean that he had no idea where Johnny lived. A sudden gust of cold wind hit them. "Come on," Dean said. "We'll call him from the car." They both jogged over to the Impala and jumped inside.

 

"Poor kid." Sam stated while Dean pulled out his cel and began scrolling down to find Johnny's number. Sam waited in silence, listening to the harsh tinny sound of rain on the roof as Dean sat with the phone to his ear, waiting for Johnny to pick up. After a minute Dean flipped the phone closed and shrugged.

 

"No answer." he said flatly.

 

"We'll catch him later. Take him to a movie or something." Dean sat silent, chewing his bottom lip and staring out at the water blurred scenery. "Dean?"

 

Hearing his name seemed to jar him out of his thoughts. "Huh?..Oh yeah. Sounds good." He put the keys in the ignition and started the car.

 

"You ok Dean?" Sam didn't like the distracted look on his partners face, it reminded him too much of the sad resignation that he had seen there earlier this morning.

 

"Yeah fine." He turned on the wipers and headlights and threw the car in drive.

 

When they reached the diner all traces of Dean's solemn mood were gone, as if they had never been there at all. Dean pulled the Impala into the gravel lot and turned off the ignition. “I don't know about you, but I am starving." He looked over at Sam with a huge open smile that melted his heart. Sam returned an equally bright smile. Dean laughed. "Not for that you perv. For food. Real food, not that overhyped organic cardboard that you have been brainwashed into eating." Sam only shook his head.

 

The diner was empty, probably due to the rain. They both shook off the rain and Sam headed for their favourite booth while Dean made a bee line for the washroom. Deloris was there in moments with two cups of coffee."No little one today?" she asked as she placed the coffee on the table 

 

"We're gonna meet up with him later." Sam told her as he reached for the sugar dispenser. He didn't look at her. He felt slightly guilty about Johnny's absence. Deloris only nodded.

 

"Same today." It was more of a statement than a question. Sam nodded and then the front door chimed. Deloris turned to tend to her new customers. Sam was lost in thought. He stared into his cup and watched his coffee change colour in swirling waves as he slowly poured in cream.

 

"Dean Winchester?" Sam was startled out of his thought by the deep commanding voice. He looked up and was shocked again to see a tall black man in a dark suit accompanied by a police officer in uniform.

 

"I'm Dean Winchester." came a voice over the man's shoulder before Sam could answer. "Is there a problem officer?" Sam wasn't sure if he was more shaken by the appearance of the police or the fact that Dean didn't seem at all surprised to see them. 

 

The darker man turned to Dean. He looked Dean up and down, sizing him up before he spoke. It was obvious that the man was confident in himself, perhaps overly so. "Do you own a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala?"

 

"Yes." Dean replied. The man nodded, expecting his answer.

 

"I think you need to come with us Mr. Winchester." It was only then that Sam noticed the other man who appeared to be with the man in the suit and the police officer. He was looked to be around the same age as his as the man who spoke, just slightly chunky and otherwise non-descript. He remained still and quiet, perfectly content to let his partner handle the situation. He seemed somewhat distracted, almost bored, however it was clear that he was ready for any situation that may arise. 

 

"What is this about?" Sam asked. He got out of the booth stood to face the three policemen. The cop briefly glanced at Sam with a dismissive almost cocky look and returned his gaze to Dean. His partner merely stood there.

 

"I think this would be a matter better discussed in private." He eyed Dean and the challenge in his eyes was clear. Dean knew that one way or another he would be leaving with him. He also knew that he wasn't being arrested, which left some room to play a little.

 

"My Daddy always taught me not to go off with strangers, even if they know my name." Dean's smile conveyed the fact that he knew he was being a dick but was somehow sincere at the same time. Sam rolled his eyes.

 

"Funny." There was no humour in the statement. Dean got the sudden feeling that this was more serious than he had originally thought. "I'm detective Hendrickson and this is my partner detective Reed." Reed nodded his head slightly but said nothing. “Now that we all know each other I would suggest that you come with us."

 

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys."Ok." he said to the policeman and then turned to Sam. "Take the car back to campus. I'll call you to come get me." He threw the keys to Sam, but Hendrickson reached out and grabbed them out of the air.

 

"I think we will want to have a look in your vehicle while we talk."

 

"Do you have a warrant?" Sam asked with confidence. He knew the law.

 

"As a matter of fact I don't." Hendrickson replied to Sam, not at all fazed by the question. “I could however have Mr. Winchester here arrested for suspicion of withholding evidence, which of course would give me the right to impound the car." He looked back at Dean with a smug smile. "That is of course if I feel that you aren't being cooperative."

 

Sam and Dean glanced at each other knowingly, the seriousness of the situation now taking hold. Their eyes conveyed an entire conversation without saying a word. Dean returned his attention to Hendrickson. “Go ahead, look in the car, I have nothing to hide."

 

Hendrickson's face lit up in a mock smile. "I had a felling you would say that. Now if you would follow my partner I will arrange for officer Parks here" he gestured to the man in uniform " to see to it that your car is taken good care of."

 

Sam watched as Dean was escorted into the back of a police car by Detective Reed and officer Parks. Hendrickson walked out behind him, on his cel making arrangements to ' take good care' of Dean’s car. Sam felt like he was in a dream. He noticed that Deloris was standing beside him watching the same scene unfold and he was grateful for the lack of patronage in the diner this morning.

 

"What was that all about?" she asked with concern.

 

"I have no idea."Sam replied. "But I'm sure as hell gonna find out.

 

 

*****


	6. Chapter 6

  
Author's notes: Sorry this chapter is a bit late, I have been away. Thanks to everyone for their ongoing interest in this fic. Hope I don't dissapoint.  


* * *

*****

 

 

Dean had been sitting in the sterile white room for what seemed like an eternity. He knew that it had been only roughly about an hour and a half from his built in sense of time that had served him well in the past. This room however had absolutely nothing to focus on. There was a large rectangular table with a dirty and dented formica top that had been poorly made to resemble wood, his chair, which was on one side of the table, and two others chairs on the side facing opposite where he sat. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he scanned the lifeless white walls for the thousandth time. God his chair was uncomfortable; it made his ass sore, which was saying something considering the things that had been done to Dean's ass.

 

Like last night.

 

And again this morning.

 

Dean couldn't help but smile at the memory. Besides, remembering something so pleasant was about the best way to pass the time that he could think of. The look in Sam's eyes as he took him....the intoxicating little high pitched moans that he would make when.....Dean's reverie was interrupted by the opening of the only door in the room. Hendrickson walked in with several files in his hand. 

 

"Mr. Winchester." It was an all business tone. His partner was not with him. Dean figured he was out following up other leads to whatever this was. Most would assume that Reed was Hendrickson's stooge; however Dean was sure that he was every bit Hendrickson's equal partner. He was also sure that more than one perp had been undone by underestimating Reed's role, not to mention his intelligence. Reed was a natural observer, while Hendrickson was a natural leader. Their pairing, be it purposely chosen or mere coincidence, made them a very effective team.

 

Dean leaned back in his chair. “I’m fine thanks for asking. Hey, it isn't like I have anything better to do on a Saturday than sit in a room with less personality than coma patient on valium. Especially when this chair is so damn comfortable." Dean glared at the two larger padded chairs across from him with obvious disdain.

 

"Sorry for the delay, we had urgent matters that needed our attention." He didn't sound sorry at all, not that Dean was surprised.

 

"Like watching me through that mirror over there?" Dean casually waved his hand in the direction of the large mirror on the wall. “See if I start to squirm?"

 

"Now what would there be for you to feel squirmish about Dean. Do you mind if I call you Dean." It wasn't really a question and Hendrickson didn't even wait for a reply. "What makes you think that we would be watching you?"

 

"Cut the psych 101 bullshit. What is this all about?" Dean was by no means a happy man. He wanted to rant and yell and demand some answers, but that would be playing right into their game. Hendrickson was trying to get him riled up and make him lose control. Dean would not give them the satisfaction.

 

"Where were you last night Dean?" Hendrickson asked as he half sat on the edge of the table. His tone was distracted, almost as if he were trying to make pleasant conversation and not at all concerned with the answer. He started absently flipping through the files in his hands, not looking at Dean. That more than anything sent alarm bells off in Dean's head. Hendrickson was purposely playing down the situation, trying to make Dean feel more comfortable. 

 

"Am I under arrest?"

 

"No, consider this more of a... friendly chat."

 

"That is awfully convenient considering that not arresting me means that I don't get offered the right to council for my defence." Dean had been in a few situations with the law in his past and he was far from being ignorant of the coercion that could be used.

 

"We're just talking here Dean. What makes you think that you need a lawyer?" Hendrickson was now staring directly at Dean, all interest in the files in his hand long forgotten.

 

Dean leaned forward over the table, eying Hendrickson coldly and sternly stated. "You fucking tell me." He was really getting fed up with the run-around. He was irritated, his ass hurt, he had no clue what was going on and to top it all off he didn't even get to have even one fucking cup of coffee this morning. His patience was running thin.

 

"Tell you what Dean. You tell me where you were last night and we can talk about that." Dean sighed audibly and ran his hands over his face. He was obviously not going to get anything out of Hendrickson that he didn't want to share.

 

"Fine." He said through gritted teeth as he leaned back into the torture device that was cleverly disguised as a chair. He took a calming breath and continued with a much softer tone. “I was with my roommate Sam. We had dinner at the Ed's and decided to go to the Auditorium. When we got there the scene didn't really seem that great. Neither of us really wanted to go back to the dorm so we went for a drive and ended up on some dirt road in the middle of nowhere where we sat for a while just talking and listening to some music. It got late and we went home."

 

"What time was it when you left the Auditorium?" Henderson asked.

 

"We didn't actually go in, we just drove by." Dean knew that Hendrickson was paying careful attention to his story and would use any conflicting detail against him. “I don't know it was about nine thirty - ten I guess."

 

"So how did you know it wasn't your kind of scene if you didn't go in?"

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on. If you passed at two bit fleabag motel do you really need to go in to see if it your kinda place?" Hendrickson ignored Dean's condescending sarcasm and moved on.

 

“And when you say Sam, am I assuming correctly that you are referring to Samuel Conners, the man that was with you at the diner this morning."

 

"Yes."

 

“Was Mr Conners with you the whole night?"

 

"Yes."

 

"The whole night?" The inflection it the detective's voice was clear as he gave Dean a prying look.

 

"Yes. We live in the same room for Christ's sake, so yeah, the whole night."

 

"I see. And what time did you get home exactly."

 

"I wasn't really paying attention." That was the truth. Dean had definitely had other things on his mind at the time. "Between one and two I guess."

 

"That's rather late isn't it?"

 

"What? Is there now some fucking curfew that I'm not aware of?"

 

"No, no curfew. Does anyone else have a key to your car?"

 

"Hell no, no one drives her but me." Dean was more confused now than ever.

 

"So no one else would have been driving your car last night but you?"

 

"That's right."

 

"Interesting. So what did you do after you got back to your dorm room?"

 

Shit.

 

Shit shit shit.

 

Did Dean dare to tell Hendrickson the truth? Even if he did he would no doubt try to corroborate his story with Sam. Would Sam tell Hendrickson the truth? Dean's mind reeled. Sam had told him that he loved him. That he loved him! God even now his stomach did little flip flops at the memory. In the end the truth was probably the best option seeing as it was the only way that their stories would ever match. Dean let out a resigned huff and settled for "We went to bed." It was basically the truth.

 

"Do you know a Johnathen Walters?" Dean was as thrown off guard by the question as he was sure Hendrickson was hoping him to be.

 

"You mean Johnny? I don't know his last name actually, but I do know a kid named Johnny. About yeah high" Dean gestured with his arm “Brown hair, brown eyes, goes to Hatford. Always looks like a puppy that is about to be kicked."

 

"That would be Johnathen Walters yes."

 

""What the hell does he have to do with anything?" Dean got a sinking feeling in his stomach.

 

The darker man ignored his question and asked another of his own. "When was the last time you saw Mr Walters?"

 

Fuck. The sinking feeling turned into a fist coiling around his insides. Something bad had happened, he knew it down to his bones. “We went to a movie on Wednesday night at the old Oak Theatre."

 

"Just you and him?"

 

"No, Sam came too."

 

"What movie did you see?"

 

Oh God, like he wanted to tell him that. It had been Johnny's turn to pick the movie; otherwise he never would have gone in a million years. Might as well tell the truth though, lying sure as hell wasn't gonna get him anywhere. “High School Musical 2 " Dean muttered as he shifted in his chair.

 

"Seriously?" Hendrickson asked in a mocking tone.

 

"It was Johnny's turn to pick. He's only 17 and for some reason I can't fathom he wanted to see it, so yeah, I actually went to see fucking High School Musical." Hendrickson started laughing and Dean wondered how his day could get any worse. The detective's laugh trailed off and the serious look on his face returned.

 

"So you go to movies with Johnny a lot then?"

 

"We usually go every Wednesday unless we have an exam the next day."

 

"So you like him then." There was an accusatory tone in his voice that Dean didn't like.

 

"Yeah, I like the kid." Dean stared at the other man intently. There was something else to the question, he just felt it. Hendrickson met his eyes with the same intensity. It was apparent that he wasn't going to continue. "Just what are we getting at here?"

 

Hendrickson didn't answer; he simply took one of the files out of the pile and threw it noisily onto the table. His intense stare once again held on Dean.

 

Fuck.

 

Dean felt like he was hit in the stomach. He didn't have to be told what the file contained, he just knew by the look on Hendrickson's face. The same disgusted look that he had to live with before.

 

"Do you know what is in this file?"

 

"I have a fair idea." Dean answered flatly. His mouth was dry and his throat felt tight, but there was no way in hell that he was going to ask for some water.

 

"Why don't you enlighten me then?" 

 

Dean never took his eyes away from Hendrickson's as much as he wanted to. “I’m guessing it has to do with the time I spent at West Point."

 

"More to the point it has to do with the time you were charged with rape." Dean flinched when he heard the word out loud. It was only a word but something about it sounded almost as ugly and brutal as the act that it represented. Especially the way Hendrickson had said it.

 

"What the fuck happened to Johnny!?" Dean wanted to state that the charges were dropped. That nothing could be held against him legally for the alleged "crime". He didn't bother. He knew that it was all in the file and Hendrickson had made his own conclusions along with everyone else.

 

"Calm Down Dean. Mr Walters is still a minor. His mother is flying in from Iowa and I cannot legally divulge that information without her consent."

 

It was all the answer that Dean needed. Someone had attacked Johnny. Pretty badly apparently since he was here being questioned. Johnny would never accuse Dean. He saw the way the kid looked at him with blatant hero worship in his eyes.

 

Dean Winchester was furious. 

 

"Why did you take my car?" Dean needed some answers. Maybe if he got a few he could piece together just what the fuck was going on.

 

"We got an anonymous tip concerning a 1967 Chevrolet Impala that places it in the vicinity of...an incident that occurred last night. Not exactly an inconspicuous ride Dean." Dean could tell by the way Hendrickson spoke that he was sure Dean was guilty of...whatever this was about, and he had the evidence to prove it." Do you know how many vehicles matching that description are even in this state? Three. And yours is the only one that is black. So Dean, you see-" Hendrickson was interrupted by the door opening. Agent Reed stood at the door motioning for his partner to join him outside. "I'll be right back."

 

"I'll be right here." Dean answered sarcastically.

 

With Hendrickson out of the room Dean found it difficult to keep his anger under control. Anonymous tip my ass. Dean was sure he knew who had made that call, or had it made for him. Chip. That fucking arrogant sleazy rectal rash excuse for a human being. Dean was making a mental list of things that he needed to do when Hendrickson came back in.

 

"You say you got back to your dorm room between one and two...... And went to bed." He let the statement hang in the air for a moment. "Anything else you would care to share before we are done? Like anything that might account for your time up until three am?"

 

Dean had been wrong, today had definitely gotten worse. Dean groaned. Even though he still didn't know exactly what was going on he knew that it was serious. Like felony serious. He knew that he needed to tell Hendrickson the truth. Dean cleared his throat. "Sam and I got back and went to bed, yeah..." God did this suck “...we didn't however......go to sleep." 

 

Hendrickson arched one eyebrow up."Oh? And what exactly did you do?" 

 

Bastard.

 

No way was Dean letting on how uncomfortable he was. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

 

“We got into an argument and then we had wild hot make up sex. Do you want the juicy details or do you get the idea?"

 

"No details are necessary at this time. Your roommate corroborates your story. You are free to go."

 

Fucking prick! His partner had obviously talked to Sam and he had told him the truth. Hendrickson knew damned well what they had done; he just wanted to make him say it. Dean suppressed the urge to get up and kick the man in the balls. He took a steadying breath. "How do I get my car back?"

 

""They should be done with it about now." He said looking at his watch. “The clerk at the front desk will give you the forms to fill out for the release of your vehicle."

 

Hendrickson was almost to the door when he turned around. "One more thing. Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt Johnathen Walters?"

 

"No." Dean answered through gritted teeth. It was a lie of course and he was sure Hendrickson knew it too.

 

"Huh." the detective replied. “I’ll be in contact with you Mr. Winchester. Don't make any plans to leave town." He turned and exited the room, leaving the door open for Dean to leave.

 

Dean waited a couple minutes to calm himself down before leaving the small room. He needed to find the front desk clerk and get his car back. There were now a lot of things that Dean needed to take care of.

 

 

***********

 

Unbelievable. Dean had to wait for another two hours for them to ' finish with his car'. He had spent the last previous forty five minutes filling out enough paperwork to kill half the trees in the state and he wasn't in the mood for jokes. "Excuse me?" He glared at the officer behind the desk. There is no way he had heard her correctly.

 

The large woman behind the counter repeated herself with the practised ease of someone who hears this all the time and is no longer phased by it. “The charges for the towing and impound come to $147.20. How will you be paying for that today?"

 

"You're fucking kidding me."

 

"Do I look like I have a sense of humour." she said it flat and uncaring. "We accept cash or credit, no personal cheques. If you pay before five you can avoid another day's impound fee." She stared at him blankly waiting for his answer.

 

"Jesus Christ." Dean reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He pulled out his visa and threw it down hard on the desk. "Do I at least get a condom?" The woman only glanced at his with vague interest as she ran the card through the machine. "If I'm gonna get fucked here the least you can do is make it safe."

 

The woman behind the desk didn't even crack a smile. She ripped the printout off the machine and handed Dean a pen and the signature slip. "This is the police department sir, not family maintenance." She then retrieved the slip and the pen and compared the signatures carefully before giving Dean back his card and a long yellow print out. “Bring this form and your receipt to bay seven around the corner."

 

Dean snatched the paper out of her hand. "Thanks" he said sarcastically “I really appreciate all your help" He glared at her emotionless face looking for any signs of humanity. He didn't find any.

 

"I'm sure you don't sir." She pressed the button on her desk. "Number 97. 97!"

 

Dean stormed off imagining all the unpleasant things that he would like to do to her. 

 

Another hour and five more forms later Dean pulled the Impala out of the impound lot. He had called Sam earlier while he was waiting. Sam was impatient and concerned; he wanted to know what was going on. Dean couldn't bring himself to tell Sam about Johnny over the phone. He wondered how he was going to tell him at all, but he needed to see his reaction. A small part in the back of Dean's mind knew that this wasn't technically his fault, but he felt guilty as hell. Like everything else, Dean blamed himself for what happened to Johnny and he feared what Sam would say. What he would do. His stomach twisted and churned at the thought of losing Sam. As he drove he cursed himself for being so weak and stupid. He knew that something was going to tear this apart, take Sam away from him. He thought that he could just roll with it while it lasted; he thought he could deal with losing Sam when the time came...but now he wasn't so sure. How could I have been so fucking stupid!

 

He would call Sam soon and meet up with him. Right now he had other things to do. He pulled out his cell phone and made a call.

 

 

*****


	7. Chapter 7

  
Author's notes: Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me through this story. I know I probobly don't deserve it considering how long I have kept you hanging, but I do intend to finish it. I have been sooo busy, but I promise that I will make the time and try to update it regularly. Don't give up on me yet.  


* * *

Sam waited impatiently in the campus parking lot. Dean said he was coming to pick him up. Nothing else, not I'm ok, nothing. Sam was getting more worried by the moment. He could tell by the sound of Dean's voice that whatever the hell this morning had been about wasn't over. Dean had been released, so at least he was pretty sure that he was cleared by the eyes of the law. Sam was sure from Officer Reed's questioning that they suspected Dean of....something. He had not hesitated to tell Reed the truth. He wasn't ashamed or embarrassed about what they had done, what they were doing. He didn't care if the whole campus knew, but he knew that Dean didn't want that. He couldn't even find it in himself to be ashamed of the fact that he would have lied if he thought it would protect Dean. He didn't believe for one second that Dean had done anything wrong, he just knew it down to his bones. He also knew that if it came down to it he would have lied. Sam briefly thought of what that would mean to his law career if he were caught in such a lie, but only for a moment. He glanced down at his watch again and when he looked up he heard the distinct faint rumbling sound of the Impala in the distance.

 

Dean pulled up and Sam jumped into the car. He noticed a few students stop and stare; apparently word had gotten around already. He slammed the heavy door and turned to look at Dean, who wasn't looking at him. "What the hell is going on Dean?"

 

"Not here."Dean said flatly pulling the car onto the road. His eyes remained straight ahead, hands tight on the wheel. Sam didn't force the issue, didn't even ask where they were going. Dean was tense. His posture screamed fuck off and his jaw was doing that little clenching thing that only happened when he was really angry or really upset. It looked to Sam like a combination of both and he wasn't at all sure that he wanted to know what was going on any more. 

 

They drove in silence. It was strangely not uncomfortable, like they were just out for a drive. Sam had no idea where they were headed and wasn't even paying attention. They could drive all afternoon for all he cared. Dean was ok and he was with him and that was all that mattered. He would talk to him when he felt ready and not before. 

 

Dean had no idea where they were going. He wanted to just forget everything and keep driving, never look back. He wasn't sure why he was even driving. He was trying to delay the inevitable and there was no right time or place to do it. He just knew that they couldn't have this conversation in their room. Not in the room where they had been together, he couldn't do this in the place where every detail would remind him of what he was probably going to lose. The place where they had made love.

 

Jesus Christ, that is the gayest thought that I have ever had! What the fuck am I doing?

 

Dean slowed the car and pulled over on the wide shoulder. They were on a back road and there were no buildings or houses, no other cars, just them the trees and the road. This was as good of a place as any Dean supposed. 

 

Sam looked over at Dean questioningly when the car started to slow and eventually came to a stop. Dean said nothing. He didn't even look at him. He just stopped the car, turned it off and got out, slamming the door behind him. Sam watched with concern as Dean perched himself against the hood and sat there, shoulders slumping forward. Sam got out of the car and hesitantly approached Dean, finally leaning up against the hood beside him. 

 

He waited.

 

It was several minutes before Dean spoke. 

 

"Thank you Sam." He was looking off over his left shoulder and not at the man beside him, but Sam took no offense.

 

"Thank you for what?" Sam stared at the side of Dean's face while Dean stared off into the trees like they held the answers to the meaning of life.

 

“For telling the cops what you did. For...” He swallowed deeply and stared down intently at his hands. "....for telling me...saying to me what you did."

 

Sam felt the all too familiar sensation of panic at Dean's words. He couldn't help but wonder what Dean was getting at. "What is going on Dean? Just tell me."

 

Dean took a deep breath. "Something happened to Johnny. They didn't say what, but it sounded pretty bad. From what I can figure out he was attacked. I don't know exactly how, but...but... they brought up my rape charge so... so...that's about all I know." Dean found it ironic that he had insisted on doing this face to face so that he could read Sam's reaction, but now he couldn't bring himself to look at him.

 

Sam was completely stunned. That was about the last thing that he expected to hear. His mind whirled as he tried to process this piece of information. He sat in silence mind racing. When he finally looked up at Dean again he felt like he was punched in the gut. Suddenly it fell into place. The terse phone call, the silent drive, Dean's odd confession of thanks. Now it all made sense. "You think this is your fault."

 

"It is my fault Sam."

 

"How can you say that Dean. You said yourself that you don't even know what happened. How can it possibly be -?"

 

"Don't Sam. Just don't." Dean rubbed his hand down his chin and pushed himself off the hood of the car. He took several steps and then stopped. "There was a phone call, an anonymous tip. It placed my car at the scene when it went down, that's why the cops took me in. You know damned well she was sitting in the parking lot all night. There is no way the Impala could have been mistaken for any other car in this town." Dean turned and looked at Sam for the first time since he had picked him up. “It was that fucker Chip. And don't tell me that I don't know that." Sam closed his mouth, biting back his unspoken protest. “He did this, and I know that you know that too. He did this to Johnny because of me....because of me Sam" Dean stared at Sam with pleading eyes. Pleading for what he had no idea. For ...something, anything.

 

Sam knew what Dean expected. He could tell from the resigned look of hurt on his face. And why should he expect anything different? The only thing that Dean had come to count on from people was being blamed and tossed away. My God how that angered and frustrated him! But there was a hint of something else that Sam could see. He could see a sparkle of hope in Dean's eyes. Sam knew just how easy it would be to douse that spark. 

 

And he knew that it would be the straw that would finally break him.

 

Sam propped himself up and closed the distance between himself and his lover. He stood only inches in front of Dean and lifted his chin to force Dean to face him. "You didn't do this. Chip did this and it is no one's fault but his. You are not going to walk away from me over this do you hear me? I won't let you go Dean. I don't blame you for this and I don't want to hear you blame yourself. You have to stop doing this to yourself. You can't be responsible for everyone Dean, and it will only kill you to try." Sam wiped away a single tear that fell down Dean's cheek. It killed him to see Dean so hurt and scared. He needed to make him understand that he was not alone any more; he didn't have to carry this pain all by himself. “You have to stop doing this, stop trying to pull away from me. I'm not going to leave you Dean. I said I loved you and I meant it. I'd tell the world that I loved you if you let me. But you need to let me love you. I need you to understand Dean." Sam gripped the sides of Dean's face with his large hands and stared into his glassy green eyes. "Do you?"

 

Dean stared up at Sam, seeing the honesty in his eyes. And finally he did understand. He didn't understand how or why Sam loved him, only that he did. And he knew that he would never willingly try and give this up again. He tried to think of something to say, but what the fuck do you say to something like that? All he could manage was a nod, and he found himself leaning into Sam, drawing him in as tight as he could. They stood in that intimate embrace for minutes? Hours? Days? Time didn't matter. All that mattered was their bodies speaking to each other in ways that words could never find. Finally Dean let out an audible sigh and pulled away. His posture was now free of tension and he could feel the pain and fear melting away.

 

Sam noticed the change in Dean right away and he gave him a wide knowing smile. "So," Sam started, knowing that the moment was over and Dean was back to his irritating charismatic self. "Let's go see how Johnny is doing."

 

Dean smiled back. "Sounds like a plan." They walked back to the car and just before they were about to get in Dean leaned on the roof. "Hey Sam." Sam paused with his hand on the door handle and looked over at Dean who licked his lips and hesitantly said "Me too."

 

"Good" and then Sam plopped himself into the car. Dean shook his head and smiled to himself before crawling into the drivers seat and turning the Impala back toward town to see what they could find out about Johnny.

 

 

********

 

The Hospital staff were even less helpful than Dean expected them to be. No amount of charm or coercion could pull so much as a snippet of information about Johnny’s condition, let alone what room he was in. Dean knew they were fucked when not even Sam's puppy dog eyes produced any results.

 

"So what now?" Sam asked as he swirled around the contents in his cup. 

 

Dean sighed and threw his coffee in the garbage. "I have no idea. The lips in this place are sealed tighter than a frigid virgin's ass." Sam shook his head in that ' what the fuck ' way that he always did when Dean said something inappropriate but said nothing as he too threw the remains of his coffee in the trash. "We could come back tomorrow I guess, see if -" Dean suddenly grabbed Sam's arm and swung him around. "Don't look." The shorter man busied himself poking at flower displays and balloons.

 

"Dean what the hell?"

 

"Hendrickson." Dean mumbled as he picked up and started to examine a large bouquet, which he held up in front of his face as he turned to watch the policeman walk by. Once his back was to them Dean dropped the flowers and motioned Sam to follow.

 

Sam felt ridiculous, but he followed Dean without comment. After several minutes and one or two close calls they saw Hendrickson stop at the doorway to a room and tap lightly on the doorframe. They heard a faint voice and Hendrickson walked into the room, closing the door.

 

"Ok," Dean stated "That is probably Johnny's room."

 

"How do you know that Dean, it could be anybody."

 

"Well aren't you a glass half full today. It’s the best lead we have and I'm not leaving till I know for sure." Sam sighed knowing that Dean needed to do this, needed to find out if Johnny was ok. Sam felt the same, but he knew that Dean was still blaming himself despite what he may have said to the contrary on their drive to the hospital.

 

Dean was tense and started to pace, drawing stares from several of the nurses who walked by."I'm sure he's gonna be ok Dean, you have to calm down." Dean gave him his patented ' are you retarded ' look and continued to pace. Sam grabbed his arm. "Look Dean, it won't do any good getting kicked out of here before we know anything. We have the room number, let’s just go back to the lobby and wait for Hendrickson to leave."

 

Dean pulled his arm roughly out of Sam's grip and looked as if he were about to protest, but then his face softened. "Yeah, ok." He rubbed his hand down the stubble on his chin and let out a deep breath. “I just...it's just that...."

 

"I know Dean, we'll find out. Come on, let's get some real coffee and we'll come back when he leaves."

 

The Hatford county medical center was a modern design and it had a Starbucks in the main lobby. Dean was onto his second Grande dark roast da jour while Sam was still nursing his venti non-fat pumpkin cinnamon latte when they finally saw Hendrickson leave. Dean was practically vibrating from caffeine overdose and Sam knew how nervous he was despite his non-challant bravado. Not once had Dean even hinted at poking fun at Sam’s “froofy" beverage of choice.

 

The two men discarded the remains of their coffee and headed back to the room they saw Hendrickson enter. When they were about 10 feet from the room they saw a woman come out and close the door. She was probably about forty, but her current condition made her look much older. She had dark circles under her eyes and her light brown hair fell in disarray around her shoulders. Sam took a stab in the dark.

 

"Mrs. Walters?" The woman looked up with concerned eyes, but upon seeing the two young men in the hallway her eyes turned cold. "We were just hoping that ma-"

 

"I have nothing to say to you! Hasn't my son suffered enough!" Both men were shocked by her reaction. Dean recoiled from her words like he had been slapped in the face.

 

"I think there has been some misunderstanding" Sam replied, hands in front of him "We are-" Dean grabbed his arm, stopping him mid sentence. He glanced up briefly at the woman's icy stare and returned his gaze to Sam.

 

"This was a bad idea Sam, let's just go." Sam could practically feel the waves of guilt flowing off the older man.

 

"Sam?" Both men looked up. "Sam Conners?" The woman looked leery, but no longer angry.

 

"Yes" Sam replied, rather confused.

 

"I'm so sorry." The woman came forward and took Sam's hand in hers. "I have been harassed by reporters all day; I thought that you....I am very sorry." Her face was soft and open and it reminded both men of Johnny.

 

"No need to apologise" Sam assured her, still somewhat confused. She let go of Sam's hand and turned to Dean.

 

"And you must be Dean." She took his hand gently in hers. "Johnny has told me so much about you both. Thank you so much for everything, your friendship has meant so much to him." She continued to rub Dean's hand in hers, but Dean turned away from her, unable to look her in the eye.

 

Sam knew from Dean's reaction what he was thinking, so he took charge of the conversation."Thank you Mrs Walters-"

 

"Nell, please call me Nell."

 

"Ok ...Nell. I'm sorry to bring this up, but how is Johnny? No one will tell us anything."

 

She pulled her hands from Dean and put her arms around her waist. “The doctors say he will be ok. He's.....he's..." Nell bit back a sob. "I'm sorry. I said I wouldn't cry...I ....I..." She lost it. 

 

She rocked forward and Dean caught her. Nell made no attempt to extract herself from his arms, instead she gripped the collar of his coat and laid her head on his shoulder and cried.

 

Dean felt like the lowest excuse for a human being that had ever lived.

 

 

************** 

 

Half an hour later Sam and Dean found themselves in the small but surprisingly pleasant hospital cafeteria sitting across from Johnny's mother. The three of them sat in uncomfortable silence as they watched each other push remnants of food around their plates. After Nell had finally composed herself Sam had insisted that they get her some tea and maybe something to eat. She had absently accepted his offer and no one had spoken since, except to order. Nell's eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to hold her attention while Dean practically vibrated from a mix of caffeine and anxiety. Finally Nell took a deep breath and rested her fork carefully on the table as if it were a priceless heirloom. At last she broke the silence.

 

“I’m sorry for earlier...I am...I was...” She took another deep breath. “I still have trouble believing it, like I will wake up and everything will be okay." She was looking down at her hands that were tightly linked, resting just on the edge of the table.

 

"Don't worry about it Mrs. Wa.....Nell." Sam corrected mid sentence." you have been through a lot, it is completely understandable."

 

"No." Nell said firmly as she looked up at them. "You must be worried sick. You've been so patient...And so good to my Johnny." Sam felt Dean tense up at her words."You deserve to know how he is.....the doctors told me-"

 

"Wait." Nell and Sam turned to Dean, both a little shocked at the force of the word. Dean looked pale and rigid and Sam knew instantly where this was going.

 

"Dean" Sam spoke softly "Don't do this to yourself." 

 

"She deserves to know Sam." 

 

Nell's eyes darted back and forth from Sam to Dean in confusion."Know what?" she asked. Neither man spoke; they just stared at each other in a battle of wills. "What! Nell persisted." If this is something about Johnny..." her words caught in her throat when she caught site of the tortuous expression on Dean's face and a new fear blossomed inside her. "Oh God." she half whispered. “What is it......please tell me." 

 

Dean cleared his throat.

 

Nell sat in silence as she listened to Dean's story. Dean didn't leave out any details. He didn't underplay what he saw as his role in Johnny's attack. And he never looked at her. Sam sat quietly beside Dean through the whole ordeal his hand gently squeezing Dean's knee, silently giving him his support. Sam knew that this was something that Dean needed to do and he wanted him to know that he would be there for him regardless of Nell's reaction. When Dean finally finished his tale he sat motionless staring at the half filled cup of coffee that rested in his tight grip.

 

Nell took a deep breath.

 

Dean braced himself. He jerked violently when he felt the hand on his. He looked up and across the table to see Nell staring at him, unshed tears in her eyes. "Dean." It was said low and soft, like she was speaking to a small child. “I now see what Johnny meant in his letters." She rubbed his hand gently and smiled at the obviously tense man across the table. Dean just stared at her in confusion. She gave his hand a gentle pat and sat back in the booth grabbing her mug of tea in both hands, not sipping. She just held it in front of her as if it somehow gave her the strength to continue. “Johnny is my only child... “She stared off into space as she spoke “He has always been gentle and kind and a bit too trusting. He never told me about the harassment and bullying.....he never wanted to worry me....." she gave a loving smile, but it faded as she continued. "...but I always knew. It hurt me terribly to know what he was going through, but... but there was always a part of me that was so proud of him for it too. That he never let it....taint him...never let it spoil his gentle nature. I tried to convince myself that college would be different...his letters and calls were always cheery and sweet, he never mentioned anything about....anything bad, but I knew that he never would. Deep down I knew though, something in his tone, his words. A mother always knows." She turned back to the table and locked eyes with Dean. " My point is..." she took another deep breath."...that Johnny has always been singled out for being too smart and too gentle and too shy. He never had many friends to speak of.....What happened to Johnny......I was afraid that something like this would happen one day....." her voice trailed off as she lost herself in thought.

 

Dean shifted in the booth and it drew her attention back to him. He looked as if he were going to throw up. "I don't blame you for this Dean....and you shouldn't blame yourself. You tried to protect my son. You offered him friendship and made him very happy." She took Dean's trembling hand in hers once again. “You should have heard him. The way he talked about you,” she glanced at Sam "... both of you. Your friendship meant so much to him...... means so much to him." she corrected. “I can't say that what you told me doesn't hurt, it does and I hate it as much as you do. This Chip...” Nell spit out the last word like it was the name of the devil. “...he obviously had it out for my Johnny before you even came into the picture....he probably would have...would have...” she choked mid sentence but quickly composed herself and continued.”...it seems that it was heading for something like this....That ..that... Bastard ...he would have hurt my Johnny anyway........it just seems that it was an opportunity to hurt you as well."

 

Dean couldn't believe his ears. He knew what was being said, but he couldn't bring himself to actually hear her. This isn't what people did. They didn't just forgive you. Dean braced himself for the 'but' that he knew was coming.

 

It never came.

 

Dean sat completely oblivious of the stares from Sam and Nell. His head reeled. First Sam, now this complete stranger was being kind to him for no reason that he could fathom. The truth of that fact rocked the foundations of his beliefs in the world and he needed time to process it. He barely heard Nell when she spoke again.

 

“Don’t let this eat at you Dean, Johnny needs you right now. He needs you to be strong for him....Can you do that?"

 

Dean only nodded, completely unable to say anything. He thought that telling her the truth would make it better. He could finally be punished for what he had done. He could deal with her blame and harsh words and cruel beratements, but not this....this....he couldn't put it into words. He had hurt her son and she had forgiven him for fuck's sake. He felt like he was going to be sick. He needed to get away. "Excuse me.” he vaguely heard himself say as he slid out of the booth and headed for the bathroom.

 

Sam and Nell watched him leave.

 

"He doesn't believe me does he?" She asked Sam.

 

"He just needs some time" Sam answered honestly. "Dean is just...well...a bit hard on himself at times." Nell nodded, understanding clear in her eyes. Sam cleared his throat awkwardly. “I hate to bring this up, but...Johnny....how is he? No one will tell us anything."

 

"The doctors say he is doing well. His...his physical injuries are healing well and the doctors think that he can be released in a week or so."

 

Sam let what she said sink in. Physical injuries. Ok, they already figured that Johnny was beaten; he was in the hospital after all. Sam tried not to read more into what she had said, but his mind just couldn't let it go. 

 

What exactly the fuck happened to Johnny?

 

Sam saw how much force Nell was using to try to keep her composure. There was more pain in her eyes than Sam could bear and he had to look away. After a moment he turned to her again. He felt like a heal for what he was about to do, but he had to know. He hoped to God that he wasn't right.

 

"Nell..." he used his most soothing tone." Johnny wasn't just...beaten...was he?" God did he feel like an ass, but he needed to know. 

 

Nell's eyes widened in shock and horror."Oh God..." Her hands went to her mouth as the tears once again started to stream down her face. Sam got up and joined her on the other side of the booth and put his arms around her as she continued to cry. "....they....they..." she gasped out between sobs."...my sweet baby...How....how could they...."

 

"I'm so sorry." Sam whispered in her ear as he pulled her head down on his shoulder ant let her cry. 

 

God Damnit! Sam thought to himself as he felt his rage starting to build. It grew stronger with each passing second, was being fuelled by the painful wailing from the woman in his arms. Nell didn't have to tell Sam what had happened. Johnny wasn't just beaten.

 

 

 

 

************************** 

 

Dean barely got the bathroom door shut and locked before he turned and unceremoniously threw up in the bathroom sink. He hadn't eaten all day and there wasn't much to come up except several cups of coffee, the remnants of which were now swirling down the drain. Dean stared at the dark liquid with disgust and turned on the tap to wash it down. He rinsed out his mouth and cupped his hands under the faucet, letting them fill with water which he then splashed on his face. His mind was trying to process everything that had happened in the last few days and it was doing a piss poor job. Nell had been the last straw. He was used to taking the blame for things that were not his fault. He could deal with that. But to be forgiven for something that he actually deserved to be punished for? Dean couldn't wrap his mind around that. He did deserve to be punished, didn't he? He always deserved to be punished. Dean's mind reeled uncontrollably and he found that he could no longer distinguish the lines between guilt and blame and fault.

 

Dean held himself steady on the counter top and slowly forced himself to look up into his reflection in the mirror. As usual, he hated what he saw.

 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

It was the same question that his traitorous mind always asked him over and over again.

 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

"Shut up." Dean whispered. He was unaware that he had even spoken aloud as his mind swam with taunting phantom voices.

 

....disgusting faggot...

 

....rapist....

 

...it should have been you.......

 

... wish you were never born....

 

Images of his father, the Colonel, his supposed friends, the priest from confession, David, teachers and judgmental strangers flashed through his mind as the cruel voices went on.

 

...sinner... burn in hell...

 

....fucking queer...

 

...stupid...worthless...sick...

 

...your fault...all your fault...

 

...God hates abominations of the flesh...

 

...I never want to see you again...

 

...I hate you...

 

"Shut the fuck up!" Dean yelled as he brought his fist up and struck hard at the image in the mirror. The sudden pain flaring in his knuckles snapped Dean back to reality. He stood staring at his shocked reflection in the shatterproof mirror listening to the hammering of his heart in his ears and the rush of the water from the tap.

 

"Fuck." Dean wiped his trembling hands across his face and up through his hair. "Fuck." He repeated. He was seriously shaken by the force of his mental assault and he needed to get back some semblance of control. He had lived with pain and self disgust all his life but it had never manifested itself like this before. Deep down he knew that it had something to do with Sam and his own acceptance of Sam's feelings for him. Dean was now, if only subconsciously, beginning to question what he saw as certainties in life. "Suck it up Winchester." he chided himself "You don't have time for this Good Will Hunting crap." He grabbed some paper towel and wiped the blood off his knuckles and then wiped up the water that he had splashed on the counter. He took one last look in the mirror and with a deep breath turned and left the washroom.

 

When Dean returned from the washroom Sam was all alone at the table.

 

"Where's Nell? Dean asked. "Everything okay?"

 

"She wanted to go back to the room, she didn't want Johnny waking up alone." Sam eyed Dean cautiously. "You okay?"

 

"Yeh, just too much coffee." Dean answered dismissively. "You ready to get out of here."

 

"Definitely."

 

 

***************

 

Dean sat rigid with his hands gripping the wheel until his knuckles were white while he listened to Sam. 

 

Sam noticed the small cuts and hint of bruising on Dean's knuckles as he relayed what he had learned from Nell, but he never questioned him about it. Dean had enough to deal with right now. A part of Sam's mind thanked the powers that be that Dean had not started the car before he told his tale. He knew that Dean was an excellent driver, but with how tense he was at the moment he could see them ending up in a ditch.

 

"...and that's about all I got from her." 

 

Dean vibrated with anger. His jaw clenched and his nose flared as the sound of his deep breaths filled the otherwise silent car. Dean's hands began to twist on the steering wheel and Sam thought that he was going to snap it in half. Sam wanted to reach over and reassure the older man, but he knew it was pointless. Dean had every right to feel angry and he needed to work through it in his own way.

 

Dean finally snapped.

 

"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!" He beat the steering wheel frantically as he screamed. " God damned fucking cocksucking low life mother fucking piece of shit!....FUCK!!!!!!" The car rocked as Dean continued beating pretty much every surface within his reach until he finally slumped back violently, bringing his hands up to his face. Sam just stared helplessly as Dean gasped for air and gripped his head tightly.

 

After several minutes Dean finally seemed to calm down somewhat. His hands dropped to his lap and he just stared out the window, lost in his own thoughts. 

 

Sam couldn't take it any more. The pain in Dean's expression was just too much and he reached out and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean..." he started hesitantly.

 

"I know Sam." Dean turned to look at him, resignation and pain still clear in his eyes. "I know..." he said again before turning from Sam and starting the car. "Let's just get the fuck out of here."

 

 

The drive back to the dorm was quiet, yet not uncomfortable as it probably should have been. Each man seemed to silently draw strength from the other while they each tried to process the events of the day in their own heads. 

 

When the door to their room closed behind them Dean felt the weight of everything taking it's toll on him. He was physically and emotionally exausted and he plopped himself down on his bed with a sigh and rested his head in his hands. Sam removed his shoes and coat and kneeled down in front of Dean and began removing his boots as well. It was a testiment to how spent Dean truly was that he never even tried to protest Sam's help. When both boots were off and set aside Sam moved onto the bed behind Dean and started to remove his coat. Again, Dean didn't protest. He made no move to take his coat off, but he helped Sam by allowing him to move his body in whatever way would help him. Sam finally got Dean's coat off and then pulled him into a tight embrace, arms across his chest and head leaning on his shoulders.

 

"I'm so sorry Dean." Sam was a bit surprised when Dean relaxed into his embrace and reached up and tighttly gripped Sam's arm.

 

"I know Sammy....I know." It seemed to be the only phrase that Dean was able to say.

 

Sam lay down on the bed, pulling Dean down with him. "Get some rest Dean....we'll figure this out."

 

Dean only nodded and Sam pulled him closer. Within minutes Dean was asleep. Sam reached down and pulled the covers over both of them. He softly stroked Dean's hair while he listened to him breath. Even though it wasn't his intention, Sam soon followed Dean into the dreamless sleep of the truly exausted.

 

********

 

When Sam woke it was dark. He had no idea how long he had slept, but the thought soon left his mind as he noticed that Dean was awake and lying on the pillow facing him. Staring at him.

 

"What?" Sam asked nervously.

 

"Can't I just look at you?" Dean asked, his voice soft and low.

 

"Uhh, yeah, if you want to." Sam answered a touch nervously. He was worried about Dean to say the least.

 

"I want to." There was something in Dean's tone as he said it that put Sam at ease and he gave Dean a heartwarming smile.

 

Dean reached out and gently pushed a lock of hair out of Sam's eyes. "You're beautiful when you smile you know." Dean's hand rested on Sam's cheek, gently cupping his face and he leaned over and kissed Sam softly.

 

Sam's heart instantly leapt into his throat. This was the first time that Dean had innitiated anything between them. Even though his mind was still a bit fuzzy with sleep he didn't miss the significance of the gesture. Sam brought his arm up and around Dean, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

 

It had been a horrible day and both men soon found a release for their pent up anger and frustration. Within minutes clothes were scattered carelessly across the room and heavy gasps and panting filled the air as the two men struggled to find the right balance between their need to feel and taste one another and their need for air.

 

"God Sam..." Dean moaned into Sam's mouth. "God I need you." Even as he said it Dean recognised the fact that he meant more than just in the physical sense. His mouth devoured his partner's, revelling in the taste and feel of Sam as his hands raomed across hot sweaty skin mapping out every dip and curve. He felt like he was drowning in sensation and he never wanted to be saved. Drowning in a Sea of Sam. Sammy. His Sammy.

 

His Sammy.

 

It struck him like a blow to the head. How he ever managed to have anything as pure and true as Sam was a mystery to him, but he didn't care how or why. Sam was his. His. And he was never going to let him go. Dean was overtaken by the urge to mark Sam., to brand himself right into his flesh and leave a sign for the whole world to see.

 

"Mine." Dean growled possessively as he continued to plunder Sam's mouth and grind against his hard willing body. "Mine." he asserted again through lashing toungues and biting teeth."Say it." he demanded.

 

"Yours!" Sam exclaimed into Dean's mouth with a moan. The force of his answer shocked even him. Hearing Dean claim him drove him wild and he ground his painfully hard cock into Dean's hip demanding friction. "Only yours...."

 

Sam found himself pinned to the mattress, arms held over his head with one of Dean's hands while the other roughly pulled and stroked his throbbing dick. "Dean..." Sam moaned as he managed to pull one arm free and reach onto the nightstand. The alarm clock crashed loudly to the floor as he blindly searched for the small tube that he knew was there. Neither man payed the noise any mind and when Sam finally found what he was looking for he grabbed it and without a second thought thrust the tube into Dean's hand.

 

Dean froze, shocked by the implications of Sam's actions. He stared into Sam's eyes, searching for any trace of doubt. Sam nodded. "Yours Dean."

 

Holy fuck.

 

Dean immediately haulted his frantic pace. He knew that Sam had never done this before and he was determined to do it right despite his own aching need. He kissed Sam's neck and shoulder and whispered "Trust me Sammy." into Sams ear before he started kissing down his chest, moving his arms down Sam's quivering sides. He kissed and sucked and nipped his way down Sam's lithe form until his nose nestled into coarse bristly hairs. Dean took a deep breath and inhaled the intoxicating musky scent of Sam before he opened his mouth and engulfed Sam's leaking cock while his hands gently spread his legs.

 

Dean clicked the top of the tube open and adeptly squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his fingers before placing them between Sams ass cheeks. Oh my God was Dean turned on more than he had ever been in his entire life. He would be the first to have Sam in this way and the realization stimulated him in ways that physical touch never could. Dean continued to suck and lick on Sam's cock, groaning to send pleasureful vibrations up the now leaking length. He was rewarded by Sam's answering moans and two huge hands grasping at the short hairs on his head.

 

"Dean.....please...." Sam begged as Dean circled his fingers slowly around Sam's tight pucker. Dean felt Sam relax into his touch and he slowly pushed a finger inside as continued his eager minstrations on Sam's huge cock.

 

Sam tried to relax into the strange sensation. It didn't hurt, it just felt a bit...odd. But then Dean brushed over a spot inside him that sent a bolt of pleasure up his spine. "Oh God!" Sam screamed as he gripped Dean's head with almost painful force. He heard and felt a knowing chuckle from Dean and relaxed again into Dean's care as he felt another finger push gently inside his body.

 

Sam lost all track of time and thought, his mind completely focussed on Dean and the new and exciting sensations that his touch was causing. He felt Dean's fingerers scissoring inside his body, gently stretching him. Oh God! The thought that Dean would soon be inside him drove him to a new height of need and he began to rock his hips onto Dean's fingers in silent invitation as he moaned and begged and chanted Dean's name over and over again.

 

Dean knew what Sam wanted, but he refused to rush himself. He had to do this right. He didn't want to hurt Sam. He would never hurt Sam. Dean pushed in a third finger and twisted and swivelled his fingers around, hitting that special spot over and over again, revelling in the intoxicating noises that Sam was making. He felt Sam tighten around him and suddenly his mouth was filled with warm cum which he eagerly drank down, all the while rubbing that sensative nub, drawing out Sam's orgasm as long as possible.

 

Dean swallowed the last of Sam's seed and then reluctantly pulled away. He was rewarded by the sight of Sam flushed and still gasping on the bed, holding fistfulls of the sheet in his white tipped knuckles.

 

My God was it a beautiful sight.

 

Dean let his eyes drink in the scene before him as he lubed up his painfully hard cock. God he wanted Sam. Wanted him right. the fuck. now! But he kept control of himself. He rubbed Sam's chest tenderly. "Turn over."

 

Sam's eyes flew open at Deans words. "Why?" he demanded, perhaps a little too harshly, but Dean didn't seem to care.

 

"It's easier." he said and he continued to rub Sam's chest "...the first time...it makes it easier for you."

 

Sam's tension eased immediately at Dean's concern. He placed his hand over Dean's on his chest and held it tightly. "I don't care." he stated."I...I need to see you."

 

Dean nodded in understanding. He pulled Sam's legs up over his shoulders and placed himself in the middle of Sam's sweet ass. His eyes met Sam's and when he saw him nod he pushed gently forward. He felt Sam immediatly tense and he stopped himself and soothingly rubbed Sam's stomach. "Relax." he told Sam in a soft soothing tone. "It feels wierd at first, but it gets better I promise. Trust me?" Sam smiled up at him weakly but Dean felt him relax underneeth him and he once again slowly pushed himself forward, stopping every inch or so to let Sam adjust until he was completely burried inside him. "You okay?" he managed through grated teeth, his self control pushed to the limit.

 

"Yeah." Sam panted "...Good...just...give me a minute."

 

Dean had always favoured being on the bottom in sexual encounters, he found that he got more out of the dual stimulation than when he was on top. But this......this was incredible. Feeling the tight heat of Sam wrapped around his cock and knowing that he was the only one in the world who Sam had ever allowed to do this. Just that thought almost made him cum, but he concentrated on anything but the feeling in his dick. He wanted this to last. He refused to let himself cum until Sam did. Again.

 

Sam had never felt anything like this before. The slight burn was starting to fade and he was hit with the sensation of being completely filled. He felt Dean everywhere down to his very soul and he had never in his life felt so complete. He began to slowly rock his hips, gently testing and found the sensation amazingly pleasureful. He knew that he had wanted this, had needed Dean to take him, mark him. Own him. But he never thought that it could feel so incredibly good. He started to rock back onto Dean with more vigor.

 

Dean didn't need anothe cue. He pulled himself out to the head and gently thrust back in. Holy fuck! Sam was so hot and so tight and it felt like heaven on his over sensative cock. He wanted to ram into Sam like a wild amimal but he held back, afraid he would hurt him.

 

"Harder!" Sam demanded.

 

Who was Dean to deny him? Oh yeah, harder was good.

 

"Oh God Sam....Sammy...oh God I....." Dean felt his self control wavering as he pounded into Sam harder and faster. He felt his orgasm creepin up on him despite his best efforts to stave it off. "... gonna...can't...Oh God Sam.....Love you." Dean felt the warm splashing of Sam's release onto his stomach and it was all that he needed. He followed Sam over the abyss with a blinding light behind his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

*****

 

Sam grabbed his laptop and notes and joined the mob rushing out into the hall. He found it very difficult to concentrate on school after the events of the weekend. Johnny was still in the hospital and the doctors were still not allowing visitors, which needless to say didn't make Dean very happy. Sam knew that Dean was hurting more than he let on, but that was nothing new. What was new however was.....something that Sam just couldn't put his finger on. He knew that it had nothing to do with Dean's feelings for him though, his stomach still did little summersaults at the memory of Dean's whispered confession. Sam was pretty sure that Dean never realised that he has said it, but he truly didn't care. Dean loved him too. Dean loved him! 

 

Obviously if Dean's odd behavour had nothing to do with them, it had everything to do with Johnny and honestly, Sam couldn't blame him. Hell he was feeling a bit guilty about Johnny himself and he knew it wasn't his fault. Dean however was a walking propetual motion machine of guilt. Sam had mentally cursed Dean's father so many times that he wouldn't be surprised if the man actually did contract disfiguring pustulating herpes, nor would he care. But he did care about Dean, and Dean's behaviour as of late was somewhat.... disconcerning. Sam couldn't quite put his finger on what it was that made him feel nervous, each little recent quirk was nothing much in itself, however put together they spelled......trouble.

 

After that first awkward week at the beginning of school Dean had been a constant presence in Sam's life, he was just always around; whether he was just studying or lazing around watching tv Dean was just always there like a soothing background noise that you didn't seem to notice. Until it was gone. And Dean was gone a lot lately. Sam had tried subtly questioning him on what he had been up to but always got the same answer. "Just taking care of some things." was all Dean would ever say. Part of Sam really didn't want to know what Dean intended to take care of, but he already had a pretty good idea. A sudden chill ran down Sam's back and he blamed it on the wind as he opened the door to the Dorm. He still had one more class this afternoon but he decided to skip it, he was already two chapters ahead anyway and there was no way in hell he could deal with Mr. Stander today.

 

As he approached their room he heard a muffled voice from inside. He didn't feel particularly proud of himself for it, but he stopped in front of their room and pressed his ear to the door. He could barely make out what was being said.

 

"...you're the Dr, you tell me........" long pause.

 

Doctor.? What the fuck? Sam knew that he wasn't speaking with Johnny's doctor.

 

"...no, I want it done right..........I know......"

 

Sam's unease grew steadily as the one ended conversation continued,.

 

"....yeah, you said that already........"

 

".........and I got that didn't I? Look, can you do it or not?"

 

"....sorry......I know....... yeah, yeah, I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness...... I owe you man......yeah yeah........."

 

"....You know I'm good for it........as soon as I can.....great let me know....I'll be there"

 

Sam heard the faint clap of a cel being flipped closed. He composed himself and then waited a minute before opening the door. Dean was splayed out on his bed in the usual position reading a magazine. He looked up as Sam walked in and then glanced over at the clock. "What are you doing back? I thought you had one more class." He then went back to his perusing.

 

Sam carefully scrutinised Dean and found nothing out of the ordinary about his behavour. He was as cool as a cucumber and if he had any worries that Sam had just over heard him they didn't show. "Not feeling great and Stander is a dick, I just couldn't take it today."

 

" Hear you there. " Dean kept casually flipping through his magazine.

 

"Any word on Johnny?" Sam felt that he had to say something and that was the first thing that crossed his mind. In retrospect it probobly wasn't the smartest thing to say. He couldn't take it back now so he thought maybe he could use it to his advantage. "Nell said the doctors will allow visitors soon. Maybe we could go over to the hospital and check on her and see how Johnny is doing." He wanted Dean where he could see him and he wasn't above using guilt. Sam put his laptop on the nightstand and threw his knapsack on the chair next to his bed. He was doing his best to look casual, but his mind was going a hundred miles a minute. 

 

"I would, but I have to meet a freind soon. You go, I'll catch up with you later." 

 

Sam plopped himself on the bed and eyed Dean suspiciously. "Meet a friend." Sam was trying for cool, he really was, but the statement came out harsh and accusing.

 

Dean looked up from his magazine, face set in that patented ' you have a problem with that stare'. "I do have friends Sam."

 

"Come on Dean..." Sam ran his hands over his face and through his hair, he had no idea what he wanted to say. He knew that Dean was playing at something and he had no idea what; but there was no doubt in his mind that it had to do with Chip Parker and that was a dangerous road. Sam knew that Chip was an asshole, but until recently he had no idea of just how dangerous Chip was. Dean just Stared at him waiting for him to continue. Sam sighed. " I don't know what is going on Dean, but please don't treat me like I'm stupid. You don't want to tell me what you're up to fine, but just be careful ok?"

 

Dean held his stoic gaze for a few moments before his face softened into a resigned smile." You know me. I'm always careful." Dean got up off the bed and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. "I'll catch up with you later." He put on his coat and turned to leave the room.

 

"Dean." Dean turned back to Sam with his hand still on the door knob. "Promise me you'll stay away from Chip. I don't want to see you get hurt too." He knew he was being unfair but he couldn't stand the thought of Dean lying in the hospital like Johnny...or worse.

 

"Like I said Sam, I'm always careful." That said he turned and stepped out the door. 

 

Sam didn't claim to know everything about Dean, but he knew that Dean had never lied to him and he never made promises that he didn't intend to keep. Sam also knew that Dean's parting statement nowhere resembled a promise. Another chill ran down his spine and Sam halfheartedly told himself that he must be coming down with a cold.

 

 

**************************************************

 

Dean had a few hours to kill before he had to meet up with his 'friend'. He had no idea what he was going to do to fill the time, he just knew that he couldn't be around Sam right now. The thought really bothered him. Dean loved Sam. Thare was no question about that now, but he knew that there was tension between them now and he knew that it was all his fault. He wished that he could fix it, just go running back into their room and tell Sam everything, but it was too late for that. Things had been set into motion and he had to see them through. As much as he wanted to tell Sam everything he wanted to protect him even more. Sam was just safer not knowing and there wasn't anything in the world that was more important than that. Sam was everything.

 

Dean got into his beloved Impala and paused mid motion; key hovering in the air a few inches from the ignition. Sam was everything. The thought echoed through his mind like a sonic boom.

 

What the fuck was he doing? If he had learned one thing over the last few months it was that he could trust Sam. Had he not supported him through everything? He had done more than that. Dean actually felt alive. He no longer merely existed. For the first time in his life Dean knew what it was like to have hope, to look forward to the future. His future with Sam. 

 

"What the fuck are you doing Winchester?" His voice sounded too loud and too unsure in the confines of his car. Dean slowly rubbed his forehead; he was getting a headache and he hoped it wouldn't turn into a migraine. He hadn't had one in a long time but today would be just about right for another one to hit. He had way too much to do. He leaned over and started shuffling through the glove box. He knew that he had some advil liquid gels somewhere in the car, he always kept them handy just in case. He wondered absently if they were expired; whatever, he would take an extra on just in case. Expired medication seemed to be the least of his problems at the moment.

 

Dean removed his insurance papers and began to shuffled through all the stuff that had accumulated in the glovebox. Extra fast food napkins, old gas reciepts, half a roll of life savers that now had a hair and several dust bunnys clinging to an exposed fruity treat, four pens, about sixty two cents in change, several fast food coupons that had expired about four months ago and hey! His Bob Seger tape, thought he had lost that. Dean pulled out all this useless jusk and continued his quest for the illusive asprin. There was a pen lid that didn't go with any of the pens, a stray peanut..gross, a hair elastic...how the fuck did a hair elastic get in there? More reciepts, why did he even bother having the things printed off anyway? He never needed or looked at them again, except of course when you were trying to find something else like...McDonalds ketchup packets? What the hell? 

 

Dean theorised that just about everyone in america had fast food condiment packets somewhere in their car. Because maybe one day you would open the bag and you wouldn't find four dozen more packets than required to adequately season your fries and you would be saved! Or you would actually remember that you had put them aside to bring in the house because that would be one more thing to scratch off the grocery list. Just think, all that money that you saved on ketchup that could be put to better use. Dean found an old drug sore bag crumpled up near the back of the compartment and started filling it with all the useless shit that he never knew he had acquired. One of the salt packets had apperently broken open because there were little white crystals gathering in one corner. Jesus Christ! He had found just about everything in there but Jimmy Hoffa and the fucking bottle of asprin. At least if MacGuyver showed up and needed ketchup to make a bomb he would have that. Ha ha. Where the fuck was-

 

Dean was knocked out of his thoughts by a loud rapping on the window. When he looked up he swore and dropped the bag. Looking through the window at him was the smirking face of Chip Parker. It took all of his will to not lunge out of the car and beat that fucking smirk off Chips fucking smug face. Somehow he managed to control his anger and afer a moment he stepped out of the car. He got out on the passenger side, not trusting himself to be within striking distance of that putrid maggot. He leaned on the roof, regarding Chip with barely restrained hatred. Chip's smile faultered for a breif second and Dean knew that he was afraid, but soon enough that shit eating grin was back in place.

 

"What the fuck do you want."

 

"Tsk tsk Winchester, such hostility. One might get the wrong impression. What are you gonna do huh? Attack me? I hear that kind of thing has been happening lately."

 

Dean saw red. He wanted nothing more than to lunge across the car and do just that. The only thing that stopped him was the niggling warning in his head. It was obvious that Chip was afraid of him, yet here he was, egging him on all alone. That deffinately did not fit into his douchbag profile. Chip was playing at something and Dean needed to know what.

 

"Oh sorry right, the guy was your friend. How ...insensitive of me" His grinning snear completely belied his words. He started stroking the top of the Impala. "This really is a nice car. Nice to see that it is one of your.. things.. that you actually can take care of." 

 

Dean was gripping the door frame so hard that he thought the metal would actually buckle. It was the only thing holding him in place and a small part of hiself was actually scared at the sheer hatred that he felt rushing through himself like a physical blow. He literally vibrated from the intensity of it. He had to look away or he would drown in his own hatred. It was then that he noticed several students standing at the edge of the parking lot. Watching them. How fucking convenient, Chip showing up just when there were witnesses. If Dean let his anger get control of him then he would lose. Not the fight, he had taken Chip once and he had no doubts that he could easily do it again. No he would win the fight, but he would lose the war. Chip would have charges pressed before he was even finished pummelling him into the ground. That would make the case against him for the attack on Jonny all the more feasable and he was sure that one way or another he would end up doing some serious jail time.

 

Chip casually glanced at the onlookers and smiled. He silently dared Dean to make a move. And Dean wanted to. My God did he want to beat him down so hard he would spend the rest of his life shitting in a bag and eating through a tube. Dean had no doubts that he could do it either. Chip had no idea just how lucky he was. A few months ago Dean would have done just that, consequenses be damned, life was shit anyway.

 

But now Dean had Sam. And nothing, nothing was going to take that away.

 

The thought of losing Sam doused the fire in Dean's mind to a controllable level and he was finally able to speak. "What. The fuck. Do you want."

 

Chip laughed. "Look at you, all that pent up rage. No wonder the cops think it's you" Dean stiffened at Chips words. "That's right, I know. Not surprising really, most people do by now." He laughed again and then his face went serious and he leaned forward on the hood of the car. "What is surprising is the rest of what I know. This is my town Dean and there isn't much that I can't do. Of course dear old Dad's money helps out from time to time. Did you really think that you could keep it secret?"

 

"Just what are you playing at Chip?" Dean spoke with more courage than he felt, but he needed to know if chip was bluffing.

 

"Look at you, the posterchild for macho, right down to the sweet ride." Chip stroked the hood again and Dean willed himself to stay still. "Overcompensating for something Dean?"

 

The question hit Dean like a dump truck. He knew the tone, Chip knew. But how? The only one who knew was Sam and he was sure that he would't tell anyone, especially this asshole.

 

Chip laughed as he saw the realisation hit. "Do you know just how easy it is to get a copy of a restricted file Dean? This town doesn't exactly pay their public servents very well."

 

This town.

 

Out of everything Chip had said those two words were what hit Dean the most. He wasn't talking about the file from West Point, he was talking about Jonny's file. Everything was in there. Everything. 

 

Including his alibi.

 

"What. Do you want." Dean ground out through clenched teeth.

 

"See that's more like it. I knew we could get along. In fact I kinda like you like this. You see Dean I always win. It's just the rules of the game. Too bad you had to find out the hard way. But lets not let that ruin our new found friendship shall we, after all this involves more than just you and me, doesn't it Dean?"

 

Sam. Dean knew without a doubt that Chip was referring to Sam. "If you hurt him I swear to god-"

 

"Relax Romeo. I won't tell a soul. That's what riends are for right? To keep secrets? And as long as we are ... still friends I see no need for anyone to know. Of course friends also do favours for each other. Do you understand what I am getting at here Dean?"

 

Dean understood all too well.

 

"Good, then we understand each other. I gotta go. I'll catch up with you later, there are some things I'd like to talk about." Chip patted the top of the car and turned to leave.

 

"Just spill it chip. What the fuck do you want!"

 

Chip stopped and turned slowly to Dean. "Oh I already got what I want Winchester. See you soon."

 

Chips laughter resonated in Dean's ears as he watched Chip walk away. His grip on the car tightened and he felt moisture drip down his palm. He wasn't sure if it was sweat or blood but he didn't care. If he let go now he was sure that he would put a stop to that taunting laugh. And he doubted that he would be able to stop until Chip was no longer breathing. That wouldn't help. Momentarily gratifying as it would be, it was a really bad idea. No way would that fucking prick mess up his life. Just... no. It wasn't happening. He just needed time to think.

 

Dean closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. A thousnad things were running through his mind, he had to get a grip. He would deal with this, but right now he had to keep a dotors appointment, and find some fucking asprin.

 

 

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	9. Chapter 9

  
Author's notes: Sorry this took so long to update. Hope you enjoy  


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Sam's insides felt like a thousands snakes writhing around each other in a giant ball. It had been hours since Dean had left and Sam had sat in their room ever since replaying their last conversation over and over again in an attempt to try and figure out just what Dean was playing at. There was no doubt that he was playing at something but Sam knew that this wasn't a game. He truly wondered if Dean knew that too. And who the hell had Dean been talking to? The only reference that Dean had made to the other person's identity was "you're the doctor". What the hell? Was there something wrong with Dean? It was a frightening thought but somehow Sam doubted that the answer was that simple, with Dean it never was. Despite what most people may think of Dean he was anything but simple, he had more layers than a one ton wrecking ball constructed soley out of paper mache`. Besides, who spoke to their doctor like that? Sam still had the same family doctor that delivered him as a baby and sure there was a lot of friendly chatter and he really liked Dr. Summers but he would never imagine having a conversation like that. Not to mention the fact that if you were making an appointment you would talk to the receptionist. So what the hell?

 

"Hey". 

 

Sam just about jumped out of his skin. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the door open. He looked over and saw Dean pulling off his jacket and placing it on the back of the chair before sitting on the side of his bed and resting his elbows on the top of his thighs. Dean had his eyes closed and his brow was furrowed while he slowly rubbed small circles on his temples.

 

"You look like shit Dean."

 

Dean snorted derisively. "Tell me something I don't know Sam."

 

"Okay, I hate clowns. When I was a kid I told my mom that I didn't like McDonalds but the truth was that I never waned to go there because Ronald McDonald scared me. Your turn."

 

"What?" Dean stopped rubbing his temple and stared at Sam with unrestrained confusion. 

 

"That's something you don't know. You asked and I told you. If I asked would you tell me Dean?"

 

Dean just stared at Sam for a long time. Finally he shook his head and laughed. There was no humour in it and it made Sam think of the desperate mewlings of a wounded animal. The thought sent a shiver down his spine."You don't want to know Sam." Dean looked up at Sam who already had his mouth open to protest but Dean continued. "Believe me you really don't. But you deserve to know." Dean let out a deep resigned sigh and cradled his face in his hands once again rubbing his forhead. "Shit Sam I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, I never wanted this."

 

Sam's stomach jumped into his throat and instantly his mind was filled with the memories of all the times that Dean had tried to push him away. The fear on his face was obvious and when Dean looked up he realised what Sam was thinking. He quickly got off the bed and fell to his knees in front of Sam. He took Sam's hands into his own and looked up. "Not this Sam not us, that's not what I meant." He tightened his grip. "God, everything just got so fucked up, I never meant for.... fuck Sam I just don't know what to do." Dean laid his head in Sam's lap. "I don't want to lose you Sam."

 

The relief that Sam felt at Dean's confession was at odds with the newly rising anxiety that the same confession had elecited. Dean truly did look lost and defeated and it scared the shit out of Sam, perhaps more than it would have if he had tried to pull away again. He pulled one of his hands from Dean's and began to stroke his hair. "Then talk to me Dean, tell me what's going on. I can't help if I don't know what the problem is.... just let me in."

 

"Chip parker came to talk to me today. He knows Sam. About West Point, about us... everything." Of all the things that Sam had expected to hear, that was deffinately not one of them. Dean stayed still in his lap yet the grip on his hand became stonger to the point of discomfort. Dean was obviously rattled by Chip's looming threat, Sam however was not.

 

"So we tell everyone. I'm not ashamed Dean and if everyone knows then he has nothing to hold over us."

 

Dean's head shot out of Sam's lap and he jumped to his feet. "You don't get it do you Sam? He knows everything. Everything Sam. How do you think they are gonna treat you? Coming out as being gay is one thing, but what do you think people are gonna do when they think that your willingly fucking a rapist!"

 

"But Dean you didn't - "

 

"It doesn't fucking matter Sam! People don't care about the truth!" Sam had never seen Dean like this. His face was turning red and he was pacing, flailing his arms, eyes darting everywhere. " All they care about is some juicy nugget that they can use against someone who isn't them! They don't care about the truth or you or me ar anything other than the fact that it isn't them! It isn't their dirty little secret and as long as people are focussed on that no one will bother to see what THEY have done!"

 

Dean was getting frantic. His facial expressions were morphing so fast from one to another that it looked like a cool special effect in a Micheal Jackson video. Sam didn't think it was cool though. He registered the pain and hurt and hopelessness that radiated off Dean like a physical force. Dean was past the point of control now, his breath was becoming ragged and his words and steps were faultering, jumping from one thought to the next without cohesion. He looked like a three year old lost in a fit. It wasn't funny though. Sam thought that it was the most heartbraking thing that he had ever seen.

 

"You don't know!" Dean was yelling now. "They just ... and they dont stop! And you think you can and so you... but it doesn't matter! Because deep down you know! You know that you are this.. this.. "Dean's face was contorted into an agonizing expression that Sam prayed he would never see again. Dean then balled up his fist and started to beat the side of his head as a tear ran down his face. 

 

Sam had seen enough. He jumped up and grabbed Dean's wrist to prevent him from hitting himself again. Dean lashed out, trying to pull his arm away and Sam took a sharp shot from Dean's elbow just in front of his ear. He never felt the pain. Nothing could ever hurt more than seeing Dean reduced to this, to see this strong beautiful kind hearted man punishing himself for the cruelty of others. Sam didn't even think about it, he grabbed Dean in his huge arms and pulled him close, stuggling against the mindless prostest that Dean was dealing out. He faught back his own tears as Dean slowly calmed down until he was pressed impossibly close; hands fisting at the collar of his shirt, face tucked in between his neck and shoulder. Sam held on to Dean for what seemed like forever, listening to his desperate gasps and moist snuffling sounds slowly even out while feeling the moisture of his tears drip down his neck.

 

They stood there just like that for a long time, neither willing to let go until Dean finally broke the silence.

 

" I told you this would happen Sam." Dean wrapped his arms around Sam, one hand rubbing soothingly on the back of Sam's neck. " I get it just... just don't hate me. I couldn't live with the thought of you hating me.'

 

"Dean-"

 

"Stop Sam. I'm not pulling away" he gripped Sam tighter as he spoke. "I promised you that I wouldn't and I'm not. I couldn't even if.." He took a deep breath. " I just want you to know that I get it, and I don't blame you and I always knew that... I thought I could just.. I love you Sam. I hope you always remember that."

`

Dean wasn't pulling away, at least not physically but Sam knew what Dean was trying to tell him. He knew that Dean still felt that Sam would leave him like everyone else had. Those quiet whispered words hurt Sam in ways that he didn't even want to think about. And it made him mad. Angry in a way that he had never felt before. That righteous kind of anger that they speak of in the bible. That down to your bones fuck the world life altering epiphany inducing wrath of God anger that burns your brain and brings everything down to one amazingly focussed and mind shatteringly clear point. He felt the white hot intensity of it flow through him like electricity reaching out to every cell in his body, flooding him with purpose and intent. It scared him.

 

Sam shifted and pulled back, taking Dean's face into his hands, tilting up his chin so that he could look into his eyes. Dean's eyes were blood shot and puffy and too open and raw with need. It wasn't what Sam saw in his eyes that made his heart jump, but what he didn't see. Dean's eyes were dim and defeated, there was not even a sparkle of hope left in them, yet they still conveyed love and understanding even in the midst of their misery.

 

Sam felt the hatred and rage kicking at the edges of his sanity. It wanted out. It wanted to hurt and punish and cause misery of biblical proportions to anyone who had ever caused Dean pain. And just as suddenly he felt it all shift into something else. Something infinately more tangible, yet equally illusive. Sam felt it twist and morph inside of him like it was a living thing. He had felt the darkness within himself and saw what that type of anger and self justified hatred had done to the man that was standing in front of him. 

 

More importantly he saw what it hadn't done.

 

Even in his current state where his world seemed to be crashing down around him, Dean still cared. He was still kind and honest and understanding in a way that you can never grasp until you have hit the bottom and have made peace with it. He made no excuses, laid no blame except for on himself. He had laid himself bare and professed a love that he believed that he had already lost for no other reason than to make things easier for Sam to let go. Dean never seemed to run out of new ways to amaze him.

 

"I could never hate you Dean. I love you and I am going tell you that every day until you believe me." Dean opened his mouth to protest but Sam covered his lips with his thumb, rubbing in small circles. " We'll get through this Dean. Together. You and me. I don't care what happens. I don't care what people say." Sam meant to say more. He had a whole bunch of things that he wanted to say. Things about love and trust and all that mushy shit that makes people groan outwardly in disgust because they secretly want it so bad that it hurts. But then Dean smiled at him and it all went out the window. It was just so sweet, there was no other way to describe it. It was so innocent and trusting, like the kind of unconditional smile that you get from a child for no other reason than that they are truly happy. 

 

Sam leaned down and gently brushed his lips over Dean's and watched as his eyes fluttered closed. "Trust me Dean" he whispered against plump pouty lips. "I've never been more sure of anything than I am of this." 

 

It was Dean that finally gave up that last fraction of distance between them and pressed thier lips firmly together. The kiss was slow and sloppy, more like an eskimo kiss with the lips, just gentle rubbing and nudging while breathing in each other's space.

 

"Promise me" Dean whispers between soft swipes across Sam's mouth. "Promise me and I will believe you"

 

Sam felt Dean shaking. That kind of uncontrollable shake and jitter that racks your muscles when you are straining under an impossible weight and are just about to lose control. And Dean was straining. The burden of his doubt and self degredation had reached critical mass and unless he reduced the strain it would all come crashing down like a hammer of the Gods, leaving nothing in its wake. Sam felt the shift, sensed the need that was radiating off Dean like the heat of the sun. Dean was asking for help. He was standing on the edge of the abyss with his arms outstretched, reaching for Sam to keep him from falling. 

 

Sam was momentarily lost in everything that Dean was offering and all he could do was rub his lips slowly across his lover's mouth, inhaling his warm breath. He felt it fill him with purpose. Sam knew how hard this must be for Dean to finally stand on that edge, to finally give that last part of himself that he had been holding onto for self preservation. To finally trust someone enough to ask them for help. Sam knew deep down that Dean had never done this before.

 

And he would never do it again.

 

The thought made Sam aware of the passing seconds. Dean had not pulled away, not yet, but he could feel the tension growing stronger with each beat of his heart and he knew he had to do something. He wanted it to be perfect, the stuff of fairy tales, but he didn't have the luxury of cafefully thinking through every word like he was accustomed. He went with the first thing that came to his mind.

 

"I do." Ok, that wasn't exactly poetry but Sam found that it was oddly fitting. He pulled away and placed his hand over Dean's heart and looked into his eyes. "I promise you Dean, that there is nothing that you could ever do that would make me want to leave you. I'm not going anywhere Dean. I swear" He held Dean's eyes trying desperately to convey his feelings." Tell me you believe me."

 

Sam stood there for what felt like an eternity with his hand over Dean's heart. Dean's gaze was intense and probing and Sam felt like he was under a spotlight, put on view for all the world to see. It was scary as hell. Everything that had happened, everything they had done said and shared; it would all come down to this. This was one of those rare pivotal moments in life when you actually recognise the significance of it as it is happening. He almost wished that he didn't because if things went bad Sam wasn't sure he could get through it.

 

Dean tore his eyes from Sam's pleading stare and looked down at the hand that lay on his chest. His heart was beating so hard that it almost hurt. He was terrified. His heart ached and his mind screamed at him that he was a fool. But the voice wasn't his own. It was the voice of his father. 'Fuck you' Dean's thoughts snapped back. 'I'm done listening to you. You can't hurt me anymore.' As soon as the thought was out Dean felt an unfamiliar peace wash over him. He reached up and rested his hand over Sam's that was still pressed to his chest. He once again looked Sam in the eye.

 

"I believe you." Dean huffed a small laugh and smiled. "I believe you." he said again, more to himself than to Sam. His smile grew wider as he let the truth of his words sink in. 

 

Sam returned the smile, all dimples and teeth and they stood there grinning at each other, Dean still holding Sam's hand over his heart. Sam felt as if he could stay like this forever. Dean finally found the strength to let that last wall fall. It was amazing and wonderful, exciting and heartwarming and scary as hell.

 

Dean had never felt more conflicted. He knew deep down that what he had said was true, but he had spent so long behind those confining walls that freedom was a scary thought. It would be so easy to just run back in and shut the doors but he wouldn't, couldn't. Not now. He had asked for this and Sam gave it to him and he was going to take it no matter how freaked out he was right now.

 

"I love you Sam."

 

"I know."

 

Dean burst out laughing. 

 

The last few days had been a roller coaster ride of emotion and daily buckets of crazy. Dean had felt like he was going insane and it was just too much to handle. It was either this or burst out into tears and Dean felt that he had creid enough. 

 

Ok, not the reaction that Sam had been expecting but it was better than the melodramatic tension that seemed to reign supreme over them as of late. There was no bitterness to Dean's laughter and it was so open and heartfelt that he just stared in wonder as Dean laughed. He hadn't seen Dean laugh like that in a long time.

 

Dean could see the obvious look of curiosity on Sam's face and he finally brought himself under enough control to speak. " Sorry dude," he weezed and gasped one last time and took a deep breath." I confess my heart-felt love and you quote Han Solo."

 

Sam was completely thrown for and loop and was just about to ask what the fuck when the clip from Star Wars popped into his head. That had not been his intention, but Sam had to admit that he had indeed quoted Han Solo. That in itself was funny, but the fact that Dean could dig out a Star Wars reference in the face of emotional turmoil struck Sam as the funniest thing ever. Sam lost it and Dean followed him into another bout of stress relieving laughter.

 

It felt as if a weight had been lifted off both of them. Like a film had been peeled away and they could both see clearly for the first time.

 

"Ok my scruffy looking nerf herder," Dean stated as he clapped Sam on the shoulder. "Let's head over to hospital and check in on Nell." He grabbed his coat off the back of the chair and turned towards the door. It was an obvious tactic to get some distance from the emotional trauma that was still a little close for comfort but Sam didn't mind. It was good to see Dean like this. He was good, they were good and Sam just went with it.

 

"Who's scruffy looking?" Sam mumbled through a smile while he grabbed his own jacket and followed Dean out the door.

 

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	10. Chapter 10

  
Author's notes: Again, sorry this took so long and thank you to everyone for your patience and support  


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“... that's great! Ok, sure. See you soon." Sam ended the call and pressed the lock key on his cell just as Dean arrived carrying a tray of burgers and fries." They had stopped at an Arby's that was close to the hospital after they couldn't reach Nell. Sam beamed up at Dean with a hundred watt smile as Dean took off his jacket and sat down, reaching for a burger even before he had made contact with the seat. He was starving; thinking back on the last 24 hours he couldn't remember eating a single thing. 

 

"That was Nell.” Sam stated with a smile while Dean unwrapped his burger and took a huge bite. “She said that the doctor has Ok’d visitors. Visiting hours start in 35 minutes." Sam reached over for a fry and chewed it lazily.

 

Dean took a moment to chew and swallow the huge wad of food in his mouth, and then took a sip of his drink to wash it down. "That's good."

 

Dean didn't appear to be nearly as happy as Sam had expected. Seeing Johnny had been one of the driving forces behind Dean's behaviour since this whole thing started; now he didn't really seem pleased at all.

 

"You don't sound too sure of that." Sam tried for casual as he unwrapped his burger and took a bite. He usually didn't eat fast food, but he had to admit that it was pretty good.

 

Dean smiled at Sam's concern. "It is Sam really, ...just..." He absently grabbed a fry and stuffed it in his mouth. Sam knew what Dean was going to say but waited patiently for Dean to continue. “I’m just a bit nervous on how he will react you know ... considering...” He shrugged and let the sentence go.

 

"It will be fine Dean."

 

Dean took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. "I know." Sam quirked an eyebrow. "Really I do. It's just hard you know."

 

“I know." Sam replied, almost laughing at the same statement that seemed so funny earlier. He wondered how long it would take before he stopped smirking every time someone said 'I know'. “Nell said that Johnny was doing good and I'm sure if he didn't want us to come she would have said." He took another bite of his burger. Dean was right; this kind of food did wonders for your mood.

 

"Yeah." Dean replied. "So what are we gonna do for the next half hour?" It was a stupid question. The obvious answer was eat their food, drive to the hospital, find a spot and pay for parking. Then walk the ten miles from the visitor’s lot to the hospital. 

 

That wasn't the point though and Sam grinned at Dean's less than smooth diversion technique. "I'm sure we'll think of something." He said with a smile as he took a bite of his burger that he was now trying to convince himself wasn't that great.

 

By the time they got to the front desk on Johnny's floor it was ten minutes past when visiting hours had started. The only spot they could find in the visitors parking that wasn't a 'small car only' spot that would actually accommodate the Impala was, of course, the farthest from the ticket meter as possible without being off the hospital property. Dean was obviously agitated, well obviously to Sam. Anyone else would take a look at Dean and think that he was the epitome of cool in both demeanour and attitude. Sam wondered how much effort Dean actually put into hiding his emotions, not to mention if he even noticed that he was doing it.

 

Just as they were trying to get information about visiting procedure from the less than cheerful nurse Nell came down the hall with a huge smile on her face. "Sam. Dean" she said gently as she gave them both a heartfelt hug. "I'm so glad you made it. Johnny is so excited." She turned to the nurse at the reception station. "It's ok Paula I was expecting them." The nurse’s face instantly softened and she offered both men a smile. Sam smiled back and gave her a slight nod, silently thanking her for being protective of Johnny's privacy. "Come on, he's waiting." Nell then turned and walked quickly down the hall, obviously expecting the boys to follow her.

 

Just a few steps from the door to Johnny’s room Dean took a deep breath and seemed to collect himself. As soon as he stepped through the door Sam noticed the change in Dean. There wasn't the slightest hint of unease; he was putting on his best show to make Johnny as comfortable as possible. "Hey there." he said confidently with a winning smile as he walked toward the bed where Johnny was propped into a sitting position. No shock at the battered appearance of the young man before him showed on his face, although Sam was sure his insides were reeling. The kid didn't look as bad as they were both bracing themselves for but it still wasn't easy to see. He had fading bruises all along one side of his face that ran down his neck and disappeared under his gown. There was also a large bandage that probably covered stitches above his right eye. Other than that, he looked ok, well ok considering.

 

"Hi Johnny." Sam said with a huge smile. He hung back slightly, letting Dean take the lead. Even though he had technically known Johnny longer he knew how important this was to Dean.

 

"Hi guys." Johnny said with a nervous smile. "I'm glad you could come."

 

"Wouldn't miss it." Dean said assuredly. He knew that the poor kid was probably watching the clock and as soon as it hit 7:02 Johnny was probably telling himself that they weren't coming. "If they tried to keep us out any longer I would have drove the Impala right into your room."

 

"Thanks." Johnny said timidly while his hands played with the blankets.

 

Dean sat down in the chair next to the bed and Sam stood behind him. Nell sat quietly at the foot of the bed rubbing her son's legs in silent support.

 

"Hey look Dean ..." he hesitated for a moment as if not sure what to say. "The cops ...they seem to think it was you." He grew more agitated as he spoke. "I tried to tell them that it wasn't, that you would never, but I don't remember any of it, I tried but I just can't, but I know it wasn't you...”

 

"Hey...” Dean patted Johnny's leg. "Calm down. Everything is fine."

 

Johnny's eyes were wide and pleading. "But if I could just remember..."

 

"I don't want you to remember Johnny." Dean squeezed his hand. "I'm good. I'm not in any trouble so don't you worry. I talked with Hendrickson and everything is fine." His smile was so genuine that Sam had a hard time believing that that wasn't totally the case.

 

"Really?" He looked at Sam, silently asking for reassurance.

 

Dean's heart constricted. My God Johnny was so sweet and innocent. He heard Sam reassure him that really, everything was fine and he could have kissed him. He would later too. Dean cleared his throat to get rid of the lump that had started to form.

 

"So anyway we were out and about the other day and when we saw this we thought of you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a book that was slightly larger than your average paperback and handed it to Johnny."

 

Johnny's smile lit up the room. Sam couldn't help but notice the same glowing smile on Nell's face too. “Where’s Waldo the traveller's edition." Johnny read aloud. "Now wherever you are you can find Waldo ...wherever he may be! Wow thanks guys, that's awesome." He was rubbing the book like it was priceless. Sam had no doubt that in his eyes it probably was.

 

"Sam and I were pretty sure that you had mentioned that you liked those." Dean said casually. 

 

Sam smiled, and not just from Johnny's reaction. He distinctly remembered Johnny going on and on in the back seat of the Impala about how much he loved to find Waldo. How sometimes there would be a guy who looked almost like him but there would be slight differences like different shaped glasses or different coloured shoes. The kid had explained in great detail how he thought there was a certain hidden pattern if you really looked. Depending on where Waldo was on a certain page so many pages before he would be in some corresponding or opposite spot a few pages after depending on if the page was even or odd, or something like that. Sam remembered that he had had to stifle a laugh while Johnny was talking because his mind was turning Johnny's theory into some crazy X Files episode where Mulder was desperately trying to piece together the clues to Waldo's actual whereabouts based on the evidence that was hidden in the location of his last sightings. He and Dean had a really good laugh about that afterwards, each throwing in crazier and more farfetched details until the fate of the world was all resting on finding that little striped shirt wearing geek.

 

"Look Mom, it's a Waldo book!" Johnny enthusiastically stated while flipping through the pages. Sam squeezed Dean's shoulder. He wasn't sure which warmed his heart more, Johnny's reaction to the simple book or the Dean's gesture, not only in getting the book but including Sam when it was given, even though he had known nothing about it. God how he loved this man.

 

"Thanks guys, really." Johnny reluctantly closed the book and set it aside. "I should be getting out of here soon and this should keep me busy for a while. Hey! Did you know that there is a secret way to find Waldo?" Sam had to bite his cheek.

 

Dean hid his amusement masterfully. "Why no, you'll have to tell me about that some time." Nell gave them both a grateful look for their patience and discretion.

 

Sam spoke up to cover the awkward moment."Well it's great that you'll be getting out soon. I hear they are making a High School Musical 3. Dean can't wait to see it."

 

"Isn't it great!" Johnny replied and looked directly at Dean, oblivious to the undertone of sarcasm. "Told ya you’d love it. Next thing you know you'll be hooked on Glee." Nell and Sam burst out laughing and Dean soon joined in. Johnny looked a bit confused but grinned none the less. 

 

After a few more minutes of idle conversation Johnny started yawning. He tried to hide it but it was no use. Sam and Dean told him to get some rest and promised they would be back to visit soon. When they left the room Nell followed them out and thanked them sincerely, hugging both men again. 

 

Dean was quiet as they walked back to the car but Sam was well aware of the ease in his step. Seeing Johnny acting like himself and knowing that he didn't remember any of the awful things that must have happened had lightened Dean's mood considerably. They got into the car and Dean started her up. 

 

"That was good." Dean stated with a smile. He put the Impala in reverse and slowly backed out.

 

"Yeah it was." Sam glanced at the clock on the dash and a wicked smile slowly spread across his face. "Hey Dean, It’s ten to eight, if you hurry we could be home in time to catch Glee."

 

"Ass." Dean threw Sam a mock irritated look then shifted into forward and hit the gas a little harder than necessary. Sam was thrown back into his seat and burst out laughing. A few minutes later both men were shaking with laughter while sharing new and outlandish theories about the clandestine conspiracies perpetrated by the Secret Society of Waldo.

 

******

 

 

When they returned to their room Dean tossed his jacket on the chair and kicked off his boots pushing them carelessly under the bed with his foot. It was unusual behaviour for him, usually clinging to the strict military conditioning of neatness and organization. He briefly considered grabbing his boots from under the bed and putting them where they belonged but thought fuck it. It had been a bitch of a day and he let himself fall back on his bed with a deep sigh. Things were still fucked up seven ways to Sunday but he felt good right now and he was going to just go with it. Seeing that Johnny was ok and didn’t harbour him any ill will had done wonders for his outlook on things. He no longer felt completely defeated and things were starting to fall into place in his mind. He was finally able to think clearly and he needed to figure things out. His train of thought was quickly derailed when he felt the bed dip and opened his eyes to see Sam looming over him with wicked intent in his eyes.

 

“Tired?” Sam asked in a deep gravelly voice while he lewdly rubbed himself up against Dean. “Maybe I should just leave you alone and let you get some rest.” He made like he was going to get up even though both men knew that he wasn’t going anywhere.

 

Dean grabbed Sam’s shirt and pulled him back down. “Maybe I should teach you a lesson for being such a tease.” Dean tugged harder on Sam’s shirt and Sam relaxed into his grip, lying down on top of him, effectively pinning Dean to the bed.

 

“Mmmm.” Sam groaned while running his hand up and down Dean’s side. “Maybe you should.” Sam leaned down and captured Dean’s mouth, kissing him forcefully while grinding his pelvis into the hard form below him. Dean opened to him immediately, reaching up and grabbing a fistful of hair, kneading his fingers through the long soft strands. Sam sucked Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth and pulled it gently through his teeth. “I’m sure you could teach me a lesson or two.” Sam’s grin was sinful and the unmistakable challenge in his eyes went straight to Dean’s cock. “I have been having wicked thoughts lately.” Sam practically purred while kissing down his partner’s neck. “I think maybe you should teach me a lesson about how to behave.” He sucked on the soft flesh just behind Dean’s ear. “What do you think?” he whispered seductively.

 

Dean let out a small whimper and wasn’t even aware of the fact that his body shifted slightly allowing his legs to fall apart. “I think...” he choked out while Sam continued lapping at his neck. “That you should t... tell me what you’ve been thinking” he gasped at the feel of Sam’s warm hands slowly sliding under his shirt. “So ...so I know what I should do with you.”

 

Sam sighed and lifted himself off Dean; he started to casually remove his clothes as he spoke. “I’ve been thinking about pinning you down and burying my cock so deep inside you that you that you’ll think it’s a part of you.” He threw his shirt to the floor and stood up undoing his belt buckle, the whole time staring intently at Dean who was so fixated on what Sam was saying that he couldn’t even bring himself to move. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you deep and slow, then so hard you’ll think the entire room is shaking. I’ve been thinking about the look on your face when I bring you so close, but I don’t let you come, not yet.” Sam’s pants and boxers dropped to the floor revealing the unmasked beauty of his sculpted body. Once he was finished with his own clothes he moved on to Dean’s, slowly undressing his compliant form while continuing to confess his wicked thoughts. “I was thinking about how sweet you’ll sound when you beg me to touch your cock, beg me to let you come.”

 

Dean well aware of the fact that Sam was undressing him but couldn’t seem to find the switch in his brain that would allow his body to move. Sam’s words were like a spell which had rendered him completely helpless. He hadn’t seen this side of Sam before but holy fuck did he like what he saw. He was so primal and dominant, completely in control and Dean was turned on beyond words. He had never thought of himself as submissive but Jesus Christ, what Sam was saying was doing things to Dean that he didn’t even have the mental capacity to classify. He wanted nothing more than to lay back and let Sam have his way with him. Fortunately for him he was pretty sure that was the plan.

 

Sam lifted Dean’s hips and slowly dragged his jeans down. He grinned sinfully at the realization that Dean had gone commando. “I’ve been thinking about the sounds that you will make when you watch me suck your cock into my mouth, about the way you are gonna scream my name when you shoot your load down my throat. I’ve been thinking about how you are going to eagerly kiss me afterwards and love the taste of yourself on my tongue.”

 

“Jesus Christ.” It was about all that Dean could manage to say. Both men were now completely naked and Sam once again lowered himself down onto Dean, completely pinning him with his weight. He grabbed Dean’s wrists and pulled them up above his head. The pressing weight of the form above him was driving Dean insane. God he just wanted more. More friction, more dirty talk, more anything, more everything! What Sam was promising seemed to be everything that he had never known that he always wanted. Sam wanted to hear him beg and he was almost to the point where he was going to start if Sam didn’t do something and do it fucking soon. 

 

Sam looked down at Dean flushed and panting beneath him. His eyes were so dark they looked completely black. His smile grew more mischievous and he chuckled low and deep once again thrusting his hips, rubbing their cocks together. He heard Dean whimper and my God, it shouldn’t have been so fucking hot. “Seems like I’m not the only one with wicked thoughts.” Sam cooed as he started to slide down Dean’s sweat sheened body. He kissed and licked down Dean’s chest and stomach as he spoke, all the while moving slowly toward his partner’s midsection. “They say...” lick nibble “that the best way...” kiss lick “ to get rid of a terrible craving..” nibble kiss lick “ is to just let yourself have it “ kiss lick kiss“ until it is out of your system.” Sam licked a long patch down Dean’s treasure trail and then blew on it gently watching as small dimples appeared on the skin making the fine hairs stand on end. “Do you agree?”

 

Dean was mesmerised by the sight of Sam moving painfully slowly down toward his now weeping cock. “Yeah” he half squeaked out. He cleared his throat. “Yes, fuck! Yes, definitely yes.” 

 

Sam groaned triumphantly. “I thought you’d say that.” He shifted down the last couple inches and kept his eyes locked on Dean’s when he finally lowered his mouth over Dean’s hot aching length. The expression on Dean’s face and sounds that he was making were better than Sam had ever imagined that they could be. He felt Dean’s hands fisting aimlessly through his hair and he closed his eyes trying to concentrate on the new and exciting sensations he was experiencing. He had fantasized about doing this to Dean since that first night when Dean had done exactly this while he was pressed up against the wall. Sam was still a bit apprehensive, nervous that he would not be very good and he wanted this to be perfect. He focussed on the incredible mewling sounds that filled the room and he relaxed a bit more. Dean was obviously enjoying himself so he must be doing something right.

 

Sam took a deep breath, forcing his throat to relax to take in more of Dean’s hard cock and holy hell! Now he knew why Dean seemed to enjoy this so much. The feel of his hard length in his mouth was indescribable. To feel so subjugated while being in absolute control was mind blowing in its intensity. To feel every quake and shiver of pleasure that wracked Dean’s body down to his rapid pulse when he lathed his tongue over that particular spot was just Oh My God! To be surrounded by the taste and feel and smell of him, oh my God that smell!

 

“So good Sam” Dean managed to gasp,” So fucking good” Dean was going out of his mind! He had had more than his fair share of blowjobs in his life but nothing could even come close to this. The way Sam would roll his tongue over his dick testing and learning, then take a little more of him into his mouth gaining confidence with every move, repeating the motions that made him shudder and moan. Dean was trying his best not to thrust his hips wildly but holy fuck! The sight of Sam kneeling before him, eyes closed and mouth full, so eager to please was the most amazing thing that he had ever seen and he knew that he would be jacking off to that image for the rest of his life. “So close Sammy ... so fucking close.”

 

Sam felt the burst of pre cum in his mouth and rolled his tongue down to get a taste. It was earthy and salty and had a slight metallic flavour like sucking on a penny. The rich taste combined with the raw musky scent that was pure Dean drove Sam to new heights of arousal. He drew back and inhaled deeply once again only to lower his mouth back down even farther so that the head was almost touching the back of his throat. He knew Dean was almost there and he prepared himself. He placed his hands on his partner’s hips, gently pressing down to control his now urgent thrusting. 

 

“OH fuck Sam! Yes! Fuck! ...fuck!”

 

Deans hands were fisting in his hair, gripping almost painfully tight and his jaw was beginning to ache but in a good way, oh so fucking good! Dean was now shaking uncontrollably, panting and uttering non coherent half finished sentences and Sam knew that he was about to lose it. He groaned and swirled his tongue around the crown and then hollowed his cheeks creating just the right amount of suction.

 

That did it.

 

Dean momentarily stilled and then a strangled sounding gasp escaped his throat and he was coming. He came so hard he thought he was going to have a seizure and pass out. He wanted so badly to see Sam’s face when he came, but he couldn’t control himself. His body shook and pulsed with a will of its own and all he could do was gasp and keen and ride out the wave of pleasure. 

 

The instant Sam felt Dean’s seed filling his mouth he knew that he was addicted to it. The taste itself wasn’t the most wonderful thing in the world, it was different than the pre cum, more pungent and slightly bitter but that wasn’t what drove Sam crazy. It was everything all at once, the taste, the smell, the feel of the hot spray in the back of his throat and the sounds that Dean was making. My God the sounds! The desperate and utterly needy moans and gasps broken only by random phrases and words that consisted mostly of his name mixed with a wild variety of colourful expletives.

 

When Dean was finally able to open his eyes and look down at Sam he saw his now softening cock fall from Sam’s lips as he reached up and wiped away the remnants of his release that had had trickled down his chin and Holy fuck! Sam’s earlier statement flashed across his mind and Sam was so fucking right. He sat up so quickly that it made him kind of dizzy as he reached out and grabbed Sam’s face, cupping it in both hands, crashing their lips together. Dean’s tongue immediately slipped into Sam’s mouth and he kissed him totally desperate and messy, loving the taste of himself in his lover’s mouth, loving the memory of how it got there.

 

When Dean grabbed him Sam was thrown off guard for a brief moment, not expecting the sudden move, but then Dean’s tongue was in his mouth lapping and sucking on his tongue and holy shit! Sam had no idea how he kept himself from coming right then and there. He felt his partners warm calloused hand close around his aching cock. Sam knew that it would only take a few stokes before he lost it and with his last remaining ounce of control he reached down and stopped Dean’s hand.

 

Dean broke the kiss and stared at Sam, looking momentarily dejected before he saw the wicked smile that lit up his entire face. “I’m not done with you yet.” His voice was raspy and hoarse and his throat felt raw and slightly sore but fuck did it ever feel good. He pushed on Dean’s chest forcing him back down. “I still haven’t heard you beg.”

 

“Jesus Christ Sam.” Dean was once again lying on the bed with Sam over top of him. The smell of sweat and come was heavy in the air and Dean was lost in the devilish look on Sam’s face that promised all kinds of sweet torture. 

 

Sam reached over and grabbed the lube, eyes never leaving Dean’s as he squeezed out a generous amount onto his fingers. Dean wasn’t sure that he would be able to come again after his earth shattering orgasm just moments ago but he was more than willing to let Sam try and coax it out of him. He shifted his hips and let his legs fall apart giving Sam more access.

 

Sam grabbed Dean’s right leg and threw it over his shoulder. “First I’m gonna open you up with my fingers” He started rubbing gently between Dean’s cheeks as he spoke. “I’m gonna stroke you inside, slow and deep, paying extra attention to that special little spot until you beg for my cock.” Sam then thrust two lubed digits past the tight ring of muscle making Dean shout.

 

“Fuck me” Dean gasped out, more of a curse that a request.

 

“That’s the idea Dean.”

 

Sam did exactly what he promised. Time was no longer relevant for Dean as Sam stretched and stroked and rubbed, all the while uttering the most filthy and sinfully intoxicating things that Dean had ever heard. Hours could have passed, or maybe just minutes; Dean had no idea. All he knew was that his dick was once again achingly hard and he was writhing and moaning uncontrollably. He wanted Sam to be inside him and he wanted it right fucking now!

 

And he certainly wasn’t above begging for it.

 

“Oh God Sam please ...fuck just.... unnghhh” 

 

Dean looked beautiful. So fucking beautiful all stretched out and fucked open. Hearing him start to beg was so hot but it wasn’t quite enough. Sam began to rub his fingers vigorously over that certain spot with single minded intent. He needed to hear Dean keen and plead and beg for him like he was the only thing that was keeping him alive. 

 

It didn’t take long.

 

“Please Sammy ...oh God. Fuck!” Dean was now forcefully thrusting his hips onto Sam’s fingers. “Need you ... fuck ...can’t ... want you inside me ... please ... Oh god.” He reached up and placed his hands on the wall to give him more leverage to try and get more friction. ““I’ll beg ... Jesus Christ Sam I beg you! Just fuck me! ...Please Sammy just fuck me now!”

 

“Fuck Dean ...So perfect.” Sam yanked out his fingers and watched with rapture as his cock slipped into Dean’s shaking body. It was so hot and so tight and he knew he wasn’t going to last. “So fucking perfect.” He slammed into Dean with punishing force feeling the familiar tingle start to creep up his spine. He wanted Dean to come so he reached down and stroked him hard and fast, matching the furious pace of his hips. Sweat was dripping down his forehead stinging his eyes but he kept them open and locked on Dean. “You love my cock don’t you Dean? Show me. Show me how much you love it.” Sam was well aware that it sounded like he was the one who was begging now, but his last words came out sounding like a definite command. “Come for me Dean.”

 

And he did.

 

As soon as Sam felt the hot splash on his hand and the pulsing around his cock he was done. He grabbed Dean’s hips and came so hard that his vision blurred. He swore that he felt his heart stop beating momentarily as pleasure like he had never know ripped its way through his entire body. He knew that he was probably going to leave bruises on Dean’s hips and the animal side of himself surged with possessiveness at the thought of his mate being physically marked. His body convulsed one last time and then all his energy suddenly fled and he collapsed onto Dean in a messy pile of limbs and sweat and come.

 

“Jesus Christ.” Dean huffed into Sam’s neck as he stroked his hand lazily across his back. 

 

“Yeah” Sam responded between gasps. He still hadn’t moved and if he didn’t do so soon he didn’t think that he ever would.

 

Dean patted Sam on the back and gently pushed him off. He reached down and grabbed the first item of clothing that he came across. He had no idea what or whose it was and he didn’t particularly care. He wiped himself off. “We sleep now.” He stated wearily as he used the last of his energy to clean off Sam who groaned softly in response, already half asleep. Dean tossed the make shift rag aside and smiled as he took a moment to just look at Sam who to all appearances was now sound asleep. He gently brushed his hair off his forehead and placed a gentle kiss there before he grabbed the blankets and lay down on Sam’s chest. He soon joined his love in peaceful slumber.

 

 

****


	11. Chapter 11

****

 

 

Dean awoke at almost exactly the same time he did every day. It was a few minutes before five but he felt well rested. He was still lying on Sam who was sprawled across the bed and fast asleep. Seeing as it was Saturday he would normally poke and tease Sam awake before he went for his run and Sam would either join him or beg for another hour of sleep. The odds were about fifty fifty. This morning however Dean decided that he would let him sleep. He carefully got out of bed, pulled the covers back over his lover’s sleeping form and grabbed his jogging pants out of the dresser and put them on before he crawled onto the floor and started doing his push ups. He normally would have dropped to the floor from a standing position but he didn’t want to disturb Sam. Who knew that being in love would turn him into such a softie?

 

When he reached one hundred he got up and quietly grabbed the rest of his clothes and his running shoes, taking extra care to keep his breathing quiet. He paused for a moment to take one last look at Sam through the shadows of the room and mentally poked fun at himself for being such a sap before he softly padded out of the room and quietly shut the door.

 

Dean relieved himself and donned the rest of his clothes in one of the changing stalls in the washroom and then headed out for his morning run. The sky was clear and the morning air was crisp and cold and Dean was thankful that he had the sense of mind to grab his favourite thick hoodie. 

 

Dean felt his muscles start to loosen and he began to pick up his pace. He loved to run, it was when he did his best thinking and he definitely needed to do some serious thinking. He would have loved to think about the events of last night but he had more pressing matters to deal with. Besides, thinking about that would probably make running somewhat difficult.

 

Chip Parker.

 

The man was a monster and a menace and Dean hated him like no one else he had ever known. Many others had said and done awful things to Dean sure, but always to him. The idea that someone would stoop low enough to hurt and innocent kid who wasn’t even capable of defending himself just to hurt him was unforgivable. Just thinking about it was making Dean angry and he had to speed up his pace and concentrate on the sound of his footsteps on the pavement to clear his mind. With any luck Chip would soon be out of the picture, but it had to be done just right. Dean couldn’t allow his anger to effect his strategy. He ran for several more minutes, going over every step and then going over it again until he was sure that he hadn’t missed any detail.

 

As he rounded the corner he saw a figure standing in the middle of the path. He momentarily thought it was Chip, but the outline was all wrong. He figured it was just someone out for and early walk, but as he got closer the figure didn’t move. The man on the path took several steps forward so his face could be seen under one of the lamps that were widely dispersed along the path.

 

Dean groaned and slowed his pace until he came to a stop several feet in front of Detective Hendrickson.

 

“Dean Winchester.” He was smiling as he spoke, but the expression made Dean think of a shark circling its prey. “I was out for a morning walk and I was just thinking how I wanted to talk to you to clear up a few things and here you are. What an amazing coincidence.”

 

“Yeah I’m sure.” Dean panted out, still slightly out of breath.

 

“Well since we’re both here why don’t we sit and talk. Save me the trouble of bringing you in to the station later.”

 

Hendrickson had to be the most smug and arrogant person that Dean had ever met, but he really didn’t want to go back to the police station so he guessed that in a small way Hendrickson was doing him a favour. He was still a prick though.

 

“How did you know I’d be here?” Dean asked with genuine curiosity. If he was being tailed he really, really needed to know.

 

“Despite what you may see on TV Dean people love to talk. At least in an upscale community such as this. It’s not a secret that you run every morning.”

 

Dean was incredibly relieved by the detective’s answer and looked around for a brief moment to hide his relief. He was well schooled in hiding his emotions but he wasn’t taking any chances. “Where’s your partner, I’d think you would want a witness considering it would be illegal to record this conversation without my consent.”

 

Hendrickson chuckled. “This is strictly off the record. Like I said, I just need to clear up a few details that have been nagging at me and I doubted that you would tell me anything for the record. Am I wrong?”

 

“There’s nothing to tell.” Dean replied slyly. Both men knew he was full of shit.

 

“I didn’t think so.” Hendrickson turned and walked several feet to a bench that sat just outside the light on the side of the path. He sat casually, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Dean didn’t have to be told that he was expected to follow.

 

Let the dance begin Dean thought and reluctantly sat down.

 

“Is Johnathan Walters Gay?” Hendrickson asked bluntly.

 

“What the hell! Do you think that everyone I know turns out to be gay, like I’m infectious or something?!” Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but Hendrickson just stared at him seriously, expecting him to answer. Dean ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “No, not as far as I know. He has a thing for Megan Fox and practically sprouts a boner every time one of us mentions her. I have fairly good gaydar and I’m pretty sure he’s straight.”

 

“See that’s where I have a problem.” Hendrickson said. Dean noticed that this was more of a conversation than an interrogation. The detective’s demeanour was more relaxed and the inflections of his voice less commanding. It seemed that he was genuinely trying to figure out what happened and Dean had to begrudgingly give him a bit of respect. “You see Mr. Walters was, let’s say...” he paused for a moment to search for the right wording. “...accosted in a certain way that would imply hatred toward homosexuals.”

 

“My God, I don’t ever want to hear you say that word again. As far as I’m concerned pc is a computer. Gay will do just fine.” To Dean’s surprise Hendrickson laughed. Maybe he actually was a human being.

 

“Fair enough.” Hendrickson replied.

 

Once he was passed the ‘homosexual’ thing Dean thought about what Hendrickson had just said. “That doesn’t make much sense. I mean judging from what we got out of Johnny’s mom and how you brought up my ‘incident’...” he couldn’t help making little quotation marks in the air with his fingers as he said the word “...at West Point one would assume that Johnny had been ‘accosted’ in a sexual manner. Wouldn’t that mean that his attacker was also gay, or at least bi?” Dean wasn’t stupid. He knew more than he ever wanted to know about the statistics and reasoning behind sexual assault; but playing dumb never hurt.

 

“Most sexual assault cases have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power. I’m surprised you don’t know that.” Hendrickson raised his eyebrow at Dean.

 

Okay, so Hendrickson was a hell of a lot more perceptive than he gave him credit for. It meant he had to be even more careful.

 

“Anyway” the older man continued. “the item used in ‘accosting’ Mr Walters was not a part of anyone’s body.” He looked at Dean intently. “But you don’t know that.” 

 

The warning was clear. The detective wasn’t suggesting that Dean already knew this because he was there, rather he was warning him that this was privileged information and he certainly wasn’t going to admit to divulging it. If it was made known that Dean was aware of this fact it would only serve to point to his guilt. Dean couldn’t fault the guy for covering his own ass. 

 

“So” Hendrickson continued. “this would lead one to believe that the perpetrator disliked ho-” he stopped mid word and corrected himself. “...gays. Since Mr Walters is apparently not gay, it would seem that this ‘incident’ wasn’t about Mr Walters at all.”

 

The detective’s reasoning was pretty sound considering the information that he had. Even though he got the motive all wrong it didn’t change the fact that his conclusion was pretty much bang on. Dean didn’t like that fact one bit.

 

“So, who do we know who is both gay and connected to Johnathan Walters Dean?”

 

Dean’s heart rate sped up but he remained outwardly calm. “What are you getting at? You think I did this to him? I thought we already covered that.”

 

“Do me a favour Dean and don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Who else is aware of your sexual orientation?”

 

“Sam.” Dean stated tauntingly.

 

“Funny. Who else?” 

 

“Don’t you think that if anyone else knew it be all over town? Like you said, people love to talk.” Dean did not like where this conversation was heading.

 

“Fair enough.” Hendrickson said again. “Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong.” Dean felt a brief pang of hope before he continued. “Maybe this has nothing to do with gay bashing at all. Just maybe that is just one big coincidence.”

 

“They do happen.” Dean had no idea what else to say.

 

Hendrickson took a deep breath and sat back on the bench, placing one arm on the backrest. It looked casual, but Dean had no doubt that it was anything but. The detective was very skilled at playing down the most important part of a conversation. 

 

“Well then let’s look at this from another angle shall we? We know that someone wanted to hurt Mr. Walters. Our investigation revealed that Mr. Walters was endlessly teased and taunted by his peers. But who would want to actually hurt him? It hardly seems like he was a threat to anybody, so why bother? What did they hope to gain?” Hendrickson paused for a moment, looking deep in thought, then turned and faced Dean. “Unless this had nothing at all to do with hurting Mr. Walters.”

 

Shit.

 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

“That makes no sense at all.” Dean protested knowing full well that it made perfect sense. 

 

“I think it does.” Hendrickson stated firmly. “Do you have any enemies Dean?”

 

“What! How the hell does this keep coming back to me! Johnny was the one who got hurt, not me!” Dean didn’t have to feign irritation; he was all kinds of irritated and pissed off. Just not for the reasons that he was trying to sell Hendrickson.

 

“You sure about that?” The older man was looking directly at Dean, daring him to disagree. “Cause if something like this happened to a friend of mine I’d be pretty upset about it. So who doesn’t like you Dean?”

 

“That’s just stupid.” He really wished that it was. “I don’t like you but I’m not going around attacking your friends either.”

 

“Let’s cut the shit shall we Dean? I intend to get to the bottom of this and I’m sure that there is a whole lot that you aren’t telling me. The thing that bothers me the most is that you say Johnny is your friend yet you don’t seem to want to cooperate in finding his attacker. I believe that he is your friend and that just makes things a hell of a lot more complicated. I don’t believe that you had anything to do with the attack but I am damned sure that you know who does. Do we understand each other Dean?”

 

“Yeah, we understand each other.” It was as close to an admission that Dean was willing to give. He could understand the detective’s point of view, after all their goal was the same. Get the guy who hurt Johnny. Their methods differed drastically however and Dean wished that he could tell the man everything but he couldn’t. Not out of need for personal vengeance, but to make sure there was some justice. Johnny didn’t remember anything and the evidence against Chip would all be circumstantial. Chip’s lawyers would rake Johnny over hot coals on the stand and Dean couldn’t take the thought of how hard that would be for Johnny and Nell. Johnny was the victim here and he wouldn’t allow him to be hurt any further.

 

“Good.” Hendrickson said as he stood. “I’ll be on my way and you can get back to your run.” He said it like they were old friends sharing a casual goodbye. “If anything comes to mind or if you have any concerns feel free to contact me any time. You know where to find me.” He smiled politely and turned to walk away.

 

“There is one thing that is bothering me.” Dean called out after him. He hated to have to ask but he didn’t think he’d get another opportunity. Hendrickson stopped and turned to face him. “I just can’t figure out why the hell Johnny was out so late.”

 

“Oh, he was heading back from the campus library.”

 

Dean was confused. “But ... but that closes at eleven.”

 

Hendrickson was grinning like the Cheshire cat. “Yes, yes it does.”

 

No way. No fucking way! Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You insisted that I tell you what happened up until 3am!” Dean shouted with exasperation.

 

The detective’s grin grew wider if that was even possible. “Yes, yes I did. Have a good day Dean.” 

 

Dean stood there listening to Hendrickson whistle out a tune as he walked away. He was truly stunned. For a brief moment Dean had entertained the idea that maybe Hendrickson was an ok guy. 

 

My God was he ever fucking wrong.

 

****

 

Dean ran for much longer than usual to relieve the tension and anger that arose from his impromptu meeting with Hendrickson. When he arrived back at their room Sam was up and dressed, waiting tensely for Dean to return.

 

“Hey Sammy.” Dean stated casually as he closed the door behind him.

 

Sam turned to Dean with obvious relief on his face. “Jesus Dean, where the hell have you been? I was worried sick!” 

 

For the first time Dean realised that it was fully light outside and glanced at the clock. It was 9:15. Shit, he hadn’t realised that he had been gone so long and now his muscles began to protest their abuse. “Sorry Sam I went for a run and just... lost track of time.” Even though he was in his running clothes and appropriately dishevelled and sweaty Dean knew that his excuse sounded lame, even though it was true.

 

“You’re telling me you ran for like four hours? What the hell Dean?” Sam had that pinched little bitch face that Dean found adorable most of the time but right now it wasn’t so cute.

 

Dean realised that Sam had every reason to be irritated and suspicious. It hurt to think it, but he hadn’t exactly given Sam much reason to believe him as of late. “Look Sam I know I haven’t been completely... forthcoming recently and I’m sorry I really am. This morning I ran into Hendrickson while running...” Sam’s expression instantly changed from pissed to worried. “He just wanted to clear up some details Sam; at least that’s what he said. He’s just...” Dean’s face morphed into an expression of sheer disgust. “... Such a dick!” He sat down on the edge of the bed looking up at Sam. “You know what Johnny was doing when he was attacked? Coming home from the library. The library that closes at fucking eleven o’clock! Bastard made me sit there and tell him what I was doing up until three and he knew the whole time-” Dean was interrupted by Sam’s sudden burst of laughter.

 

“I’m sorry Dean” Sam managed between bouts of laughter. “I’m just picturing the look on your face when...” he couldn’t control himself; the image was just too funny.

 

Dean wanted to be pissed, he really did but Sam’s laughter was too contagious and he had to admit that if it were anyone else it would be quite funny. He didn’t want to argue any more so he shook his head with a smile. “Bitch”

 

Sam eventually managed to mutter ‘jerk’ in between gasps and he was still laughing when Dean closed the door to go shower.

 

****

 

It was later than the time they usually ate and Ed’s was pretty busy. When they walked in Deloris beamed at them from across the room. “It’ll be just a minute boys!” She yelled out. She replaced the coffee pot and disappeared into the back, appearing moments later with a small trolley. Deloris then busied herself removing the piles of plates and a large plastic bin full of glasses and mugs that had mysteriously accumulated in the back corner booth. “Have a seat and I’ll bring you some coffee.” She shouted while wheeling the cart back to the kitchen. She completely ignored the looks of disdain from a few of the diner’s patrons.

 

Sam couldn’t keep the huge grin off his face as he walked toward their booth. He too was receiving some fairly nasty glares but he really couldn’t give a shit. A minute after they were seated Deloris arrived with two cups of coffee and began wiping down their table.

 

“Any word on the little one?” She asked with genuine concern while efficiently wiping down the table.

 

Dean gave Deloris the shorthand version of their visit the previous day.

 

“Be there in a minute!” Deloris yelled back at an irritated patron while Dean spoke. Sam watched the two of them and was struck again by how amazing Dean was. Without even realising it he managed to gain loyalty and respect from the most unlikely of people by simply being himself. Sam always treated waiting staff well but he knew that he would never be able to win Deloris over like Dean had.

 

“Poor kid! I am so glad he doesn’t remember anything. You boys be sure to bring him around when he is up to it. I will have Hal whip up a double sized strawberry shake just for the occasion.” Her soft smile conveyed the sincerity of her offer.

 

“Excuse me!”

 

Deloris rolled her eyes. “I guess I should go see what that little snot wants. I’ll bring your breakfast in a few.” It amused Sam that they had never actually ordered but would get exactly what they wanted just the same. 

 

“Look Dean.... about this morning...” He let himself trail off, not quite sure about how to continue or even what he wanted to say.

 

“Dude I’m sorry ok, Hendrickson just pissed me and I lost track of time.”

 

“It’s fine Dean... and that’s not my point.” Sam stirred his coffee again just for something to do while he figured out what he needed to say.

 

Dean tensed. Sam wasn’t being nearly as forward as he had been that night while they had sat on the Impala but the tone was the same. There was something that Sam wanted to know and Dean knew that he wouldn’t give up on it once his mind was set. “I know Sam, and I get it.” Sam started to protest but Dean cut him off. “I know what you’re thinking-”

 

“Do you?”

 

Dean sighed. “Yeah Sam, you think that I’m being an ass. You think that I’m playing a game with Chip and I’m not aware of the danger. You think that I should have told Hendrickson my suspicions about him, you think I still should. You probably think that I’m not thinking things trough, not seeing the obvious because I’m hell bent on revenge.” Dean looked Sam straight in the eye. “And I’m sure there is a part of you that thinks I am ashamed to admit to our relationship.” Dean took a sip of coffee eyes never leaving Sam’s. “How am I doing so far?” He didn’t really want to hear Sam’s reply and he didn’t need to; the lack of an instant denial was answer enough.

 

Sam fiddled with the spoon that was still in his hand and stirred his coffee again. “Dean I...”

 

“It’s ok you know. I understand where you’re coming from Sam, I really do. The difference is that you believe in people, you have faith in the system. You still believe that the good guy always wins.”

 

“But can’t you just see that-”

 

“I love that about you Sam and I hope that never changes. I just can’t see things that way. I’ve learned the hard way how easily people are swayed, I’ve seen firsthand the power of influence and money and believe me Chip has both. Just because people don’t like you doesn’t mean they won’t side with you, in fact the more people hate and fear you the more likely they are to do just that. I’m not stupid Sam. And I don’t have some overinflated hero complex either. I know this is hard on you, believe me I get that. But do you want Nell to have to sit and watch Johnny get ripped apart on the stand? You know it will happen, hell you are studying law, what evidence is there really? I don’t even know it Chip was even there and neither do you. If it goes to court he will get off. I can’t let that happen. I just need you to trust me Sam. Just for a little longer, then I swear I will tell you everything. I know you have no reason to Sam but that is the best I can do. One person has already been hurt because of me, and if something happened to you I ....” Dean had to stop himself. He couldn’t let his mind wander down that path; it was just too painful and dangerous as hell.

 

Sam watched Dean intently and what he saw scared him. Dean schooled his features quickly but not before he saw the fathomless depths of pain and rage that lurked just behind the surface. Sam had no doubt that if anything were to happen to him it would end badly, especially for Chip Parker. It shouldn’t have made him feel remotely pleased in any way and logically it didn’t, but the need and love for him that radiated off Dean spoke to that space inside that is devoid of logic; That space that torments the mind and soul because it cannot see or think or be persuaded by reason; it can only feel. Sam was very aware of his contradicting feelings toward Dean’s sentiment. He was also acutely aware of the fact that it made no difference. In that moment Sam knew that he would do anything, anything for the man who sat across from him and he understood Dean’s reasoning on a level that ironically had nothing to do with reason at all.

 

“I don’t like it Dean.” Dean said nothing but stared at him intently in a silent plea. Sam took a deep breath and ran his hand through his unruly locks that instantly fell back onto his forehead. “But I get it. Not all of it but... be careful Dean. Because I can’t lose you either.”

 

They were so intently focussed on each other that they both jumped when the first plate hit the table. Deloris’s eyes darted from one man to the next curiously but she just smiled and set down the second plate. “How’s your coffee doing?”

 

“Good” Sam replied with a smile.

 

“Ok.” The older woman stated. “Well you just holler if there is anything you need you here?” She gave them each her no nonsense mother hen glare and turned to help another patron. 

 

They ate in silence. It wasn’t really awkward but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either. The thought of how things could get bad played heavily on Sam’s mind, but he knew that no matter what happened he would stand behind Dean through it all.

 

 

****


	12. Chapter 12

  
Author's notes: I once again thank everyone for their patience. I have already started the next chapter and you will be pleased to know that I have found my muse and have a clear picture in my mind of how the rest of the story will go. I hope to have this completed very soon.  


* * *

****

 

 

Sam slid into the passenger seat and shut the door. He hadn’t lost his ill ease about the conversation at breakfast but he felt a little lighter after analyzing the situation while he ate. He did trust Dean, good thing really because he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Sam knew that Dean was far from stupid; however he had a fair idea that whatever Dean was up to it probably wasn’t legal. He didn’t dwell too much on the fact that despite his career choice he didn’t really care as long as Dean didn’t get caught, which went back to the him not being stupid, so Sam wasn’t particularly concerned. What concerned him more than anything were the lengths that Chip was willing to go to. Sam knew that Chip wasn’t the type for carefully laid plans; he had neither the intellect nor patience to come up with any idea that was beyond the plot of a Dick and Jane book. He did however have a very real penchant for violence and a very large bank account to make peace. It was a volatile and dangerous combination and Sam had resigned himself to his belief in Dean’s judgement.

 

Dean of course didn’t seem the least bit worried about anything as he slid into the driver’s seat and started the car. He looked over at Sam with a million watt smile. “So after we go see Johnny the day is ours. We got a full tank of gas and the luxury of youth to do with as we please.”

 

Sam had to smile. He had no idea how Dean was able to do that, but his casual statement and the way his eyes shined made him feel like he didn’t have a care in the world. He wondered if Dean actually felt that way. As well as he knew him it was still sometimes impossible to read him. Dean had spent his entire life hiding what he felt from others and he was damned good at it.

 

“So whada ya wanna do Sammy, the world is our oyster.”

 

Sam laughed. “No idea, let’s just-” he was interrupted by Dean’s cel. Sam knew from the generic annoying ringing that it was not his normal phone.

 

Dean grabbed the phone from his jacket, smile falling from his face. He glanced over at Sam warily before answering. “Yeah” Sam’s stomach lurched but he said nothing.

 

“That’s great. You are the master..... Today?” He briefly glanced at Sam again, expression well schooled while he listened to whoever was on the other end. “No that’s good; I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.... No you’re right, the sooner the better.” Dean then checked his watch. “No problem. Where?” He looked over at Sam with an apologetic look like he was talking to his mother or someone who was going on and on about nothing and he was just too polite to end the conversation. Sam wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream or beat Dean senseless so he opted for option c and just sat there watching him.

 

“Dude, you might as well be speaking Urdu, that’s your gig not mine.” There was another pause and Sam’s heartbeat was picking up speed with every passing second. “Yeah I get that part; I’m not a total retard.” Dean spoke with amusement. Sam didn’t think there was anything that could possibly be amusing in this situation, his nerves were standing up doing the cha cha and he felt like he wanted to puke. He had to remind himself that he did in fact trust Dean’s judgement and that Dean was definitely not as unconcerned and non-chalant as he looked. His next statement echoed that fact perfectly.

 

“You sure it can’t be traced?” Traced? What the fuck! Sam’s nerves now moved on from the cha cha to the funky chicken and the music was getting faster and faster. It took all his willpower to remain quiet and let Dean finish the conversation.

 

Dean made a face and pulled the cel away from his ear slightly like the person on the other end was getting loud. “Dude chill! Yeah I know it’s just...” His eyes briefly darted over to Sam “it’s just that there’s more at stake now.... yeah..... It’s good, really good...... you will..... No I do....” Dean huffed in annoyance. “You know I do....fine,” He rolled his eyes like a put out child “...You are the master oh geek fu guru and I humbly subjugate myself to your superior intellect, that good enough? You too.” Dean ended the conversation without saying goodbye. He looked over at Sam “We gotta make a stop.”

 

Sam was briefly stunned by the sheer unrealism of the situation. Dean was playing cloak and dagger super spy in the parking lot of a greasy spoon in a backwater corner of Main with his concerned lover sitting right beside him and all he could say is we need to make a stop? Yeah we do, Sam thought, we need to stop this fucking boat and get off in reality. Jesus Christ this was way too surreal. He didn’t say that though. He reached out and Grabbed Dean’s arm just as he was about to put the car in gear. “Dean.” He paused a moment to collect himself but didn’t let go of Dean’s arm. “Dean, tell me you are not getting a gun.”

 

“A gun! What the fuck Sam?” Sam ignored Dean’s tone knowing that that conversation wouldn’t lead anywhere productive. 

 

“Can it be traced? What the fuck do you expect me to think!”

 

Dean’s expression softened and he reached over with his left hand and placed it on Sam’s hand that was still holding onto his jacket. “I swear to you Sam, I am not getting a gun.” He held Sam’s gaze a moment while gently rubbing his hand. He then patted Sam’s hand and reached up and put the Impala in gear. “Let’s go see Johnny.”

 

Sam had heard a few people say things like ‘I love them so much I almost want to kill them sometimes.’ He could never grasp the logic behind that statement before. He definitely had no problem with it now.

 

****

 

Paula was once again at the front desk and this time she was friendly and helpful. “It’s about time you guys showed up.” She leaned forward like she was about to share a secret. “I think he is going out of his mind waiting for you.” 

 

“Thanks for the heads up.” Dean told her with a wink. Paula flushed and smiled coyly.

 

“My mother warned me about men like you.” She teased.

 

“Paula somehow I doubt even your mother could prepare you for a guy like me.” Sam stood by watching the exchange, once again fascinated by the ease at which Dean could behave with people he barely knew.

 

 

“Go on now you cad.” Paula said with a laugh while she reached for the phone.

 

Sam chuckled on the short walk down the hall to Johnny’s room. “What?” Dean asked.

 

“Nothing you cad.” Sam replied with amusement.

 

“Shuddup.”

 

When they entered the room Johnny lit up like a light bulb. “Hey guys! I’ve been expecting you.” Nell gave Johnny a ‘yeah right’ exasperated look at the obviously untrue statement. “Come on mom, you’re embarrassing me in front of my friends.”

 

“We said we’d be here didn’t we?” Dean stated like once it was said it was the gospel truth. Sam knew that it may as well be. One thing that he learned about Dean very quickly was that he was a man of his word. It was one of the traits that had stolen his heart from the get go.

 

“So you figure out how to find Waldo?” Sam asked which started the topic of conversation for the next forty seven minutes. Sam, Dean and Nell would occasionally share amused glances while Johnny went on and on with his impressive if not a little over the top theory on how he discover the bizarre and little known secret to finding Waldo. No one cared that they had heard it all before or that it was a bit ridiculous, they just enjoyed seeing Johnny smile and laugh.

 

“That is impressive.” Sam stated with conviction when Johnny seemed to be done.

 

Dean glanced at his watch and then at Sam. He stood up and patted Johnny on the shoulder. “You get better kid, Deloris misses you. Asks about you all the time. Told you I think she likes you.”

 

“You gotta go already?”

 

‘Yeah, sorry there’s somewhere we gotta be but ah... before we go there is something that we want to talk to you about” Dean’s eyes darted around the room and he began to shuffle awkwardly. Sam was curious as hell but said nothing.

 

The smile on Johnny’s face disappeared. “What is it? Is it serious?”

 

“That depends.” Dean answered. “See the thing is.... uh....” He paused and brushed his hand through his hair which Sam recognised as a diversion tactic that Dean used when he needed a moment to think. “You see me and Sam...” he pointed back and forth between them “...we’re kind of...” 

 

Sam was pretty sure he knew what Dean was trying to say and he was desperately trying not to laugh. He watched as Dean looked up, face rumpled in thought as he waved his hands in the air in front of him like he was trying to catch the right words right out of the air as they flew by. Without trying Dean was doing a really good impression of Captain Jack Sparrow and it was funny as hell. 

 

“...We’re... uh me and Sam... Obviously... we are....” Sam almost jumped in to save him but he wanted to hear Dean say it. “..well we’re together.” Dean finally managed to blurt out.

 

Nell’s eyes went wide in shock but Johnny didn’t see it. “Yeah I can see that Dean but what is it? Are you in trouble or something?” 

 

A squeaky gasp escaped Dean’s throat and Sam finally jumped in. “Like together together Johnny, as in a couple.”

 

“Oh.” Johnny managed through his shock. “..Well ...” his face slowly changed from disbelief to understanding happiness as he processed Sam’s words.“...well that’s awesome!” 

 

“Really?” Dean asked.

 

“Well yeah! That means if we ever happen to meet up with a cute girl I actually stand a chance.” The kid was beaming from ear to ear.

 

All the adults in the room burst out laughing. Dean looked over at Nell tentatively. “We good?” he asked her through a shaky smile.

 

Nell walked over and gave Dean him a hug. “We’re good.” She said as she stared up at him. She then let go and walked over to Sam and took his hands. “We’re all good” she said to the taller man as she gave his hands a squeeze. She then took a deep breath and stepped back. “You two go now, I don’t want to make you late.”

 

“Yeah bye guys. Come back real soon.” Johnny told them.

 

“Sure thing.” Sam said. Dean could only manage to give them both a nod and then quickly stepped out of the room. Sam turned to follow Dean but paused at the door. He turned to Nell. “Thanks.”

 

“Just go, I think your man needs you.” Sam only smiled and nodded and then went to find Dean who he was sure was half way out of the building by now.

 

Sam finally caught up with Dean in the Starbucks in the lobby. Dean was the only person he knew who seemed to get a calming effect from coffee. Sam took the venti non fat pumpkin spice latte that Dean had ordered for him and they walked silently to the car. He felt as giddy as a schoolgirl and wanted to jump for joy but he remained outwardly calm. 

 

When they got in the car Dean turned to him and momentarily looked like he was going to say something but then simply let out a long breath and reached over and grabbed Sam’s hand. Sam said nothing, he didn’t have to. Dean gave his hand a squeeze and then started the car. He turned on the radio after he backed out and began to sing along with Bob Segar. Sam didn’t think he could possibly love him any more than he did right then.

 

 

****

 

Nothing was said as they headed into town. The radio was now playing B.L.C. and Dean was still singing along. Sam noticed that he seemed to know the words to every classic rock song ever made except for anything by Neil Young or Jefferson Starship. Dean would always pop in a tape or simply turn the radio off if a song from either artist came on. Sam agreed with his disdain for Neil Young’s whiny cacophonies, but he did like a few songs by Jefferson Starship. He never shared this fact however. He knew it would lead into a serious debate about the merits of classic rock and what was necessary to be classified as such that he would never be prepared for and had no chance of winning. He didn’t like their songs that much.

 

Sam noticed the Impala start to slow and he looked around with curiosity as Dean parked it on the street in front of a used bookstore. It was one of those streets that would have been a main drag about thirty years ago and was filled with every kind small establishment that you could think of from a Ma and Pa owned bakery to a new aged book store that showcased everything from organic paper made completely from animal dung to soul healing crystals and ointments.

 

Dean shut the car off and turned to Sam. “Come on Sammy, let’s go shoot some pool.” He got out and walked around to put some change in the meter.

 

Ok, not exactly what Sam was expecting but then again he was starting to realise that trying to guess what Dean was going to do was damned near impossible. Sam got out and followed Dean, still a bit confused as to where they were going. Dean stopped and held the door open for Sam who paused for a second to read “That’s my cue!” written in large blue letters on the tinted window. He could have passed by this place a hundred times and he never would have guessed it was a pool hall. The stupid name made it sound like an acting or broadcast school.

 

“Come on Sammy live a little dangerously.” Dean jibed “I promise not to kick your ass too terribly.” Sam snorted out a laugh and stepped inside. 

 

The place was a living stereotype; dimly lit with low hanging lights that enabled you to see the surface of the tables and not much else. The low buzzing of half dead neon signs advertizing domestic beer could just be heard above the old jukebox in the back that was playing Pink Floyd. There were only three other patrons in the place. On guy with a table to himself who was calling out his shots to no one and then sinking them without fail and two guys in trucker caps and Mack jackets who were leaning below the no smoking sign while puffing away who appeared to be having a serious debate about Bon Scott vs. Angus Young. Christ. Sam didn’t even realise that places like this actually existed anywhere let alone upper class Main.

 

“Pick a table” Dean said to Sam as he reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty. “Pay for however long you want and grab me a coffee, I gotta hit the head.” 

 

Sam headed toward the register where a bored looking clerk slash waiter regarded him with amusement. “Two coffee’s please.” Sam asked distractedly. He watched as Dean walked toward the washrooms, however at the last moment he entered an unmarked door just beside the men’s room.

 

“Ain’t a coffee shop.” The guy behind the counter said flatly. “You gonna play or what?”

 

“Yeah sure uh...” he looked around quickly and saw a sign that showed prices by the hour. “An hour I guess.” He told the somewhat creepy guy behind the counter.

 

“What kinda balls you looking for?”

 

“Excuse me?” Sam asked, not quite sure what the guy was getting at.’’

 

“Classic or Snooker balls?” the guy stated through a shit eating grin. 

 

Sam knew that unlike Dean it was obvious that he was out of his element in a place like this and the guy behind the counter was getting his kicks by fucking with him. He was tempted to ask for snooker balls to see if he actually even had any. This didn’t exactly look like the place where one would come for a pint with the chaps and an exhilarating game of snooker. Sam held his tongue. “Classic is fine thanks.” 

 

Sam handed over the cash and the guy snorted and reached down, coming up with a tray that was filled with colourful balls. He dumped the tray loudly down and then turned around to fill up two Styrofoam cups which he also slammed down on the counter. Sam waited a moment for his change but creepy guy only rested both arms on the counter and stared at him. Fuck the change. Sam was too concerned about what Dean was doing to care. Besides, he had a feeling that this place didn’t stay in business from the proceeds from games of pool. Sam chose the table that was farthest away from everybody, set everything down and turned to the wall and pretended to be choosing a pool cue. All the while he could feel creepy guy staring holes through his back.

 

Sam was so intent on appearing intent on picking his cue that he didn’t notice Dean come up behind him and almost flinched when his arm reached out in front of him to grab his own cue. Sam tried to appear as relaxed as possible for the next hour, making small talk and demonstrating his distinct lack of talent for the game while trying to discreetly watch the unmarked door at the back to see if anyone came out. If anyone ever did come out Sam never noticed them. He did however notice that just after Dean came out of the “bathroom” creepy guy took a call on his cel. He had looked briefly over at their table and then ended the call never bothering to look their way again. 

 

Dean won the ninth game in a row five minutes before their hour was up. He smirked at Sam as he sunk the last ball. “I think you’ve had enough of this, come on lets go.” It was what Sam was waiting to hear for what felt like an eternity and he readily agreed.

 

The meter maid was only three cars up when the two men hopped into the car. Dean couldn’t resist a smug smile and a mock solute at the less than pleased looking citation officer. Sam had to laugh. He never knew that it was possible to be so adorable while being such a cocky prick. 

 

Dean was grinning from ear to ear as he pulled out onto the street. “What’s got you in such a good mood?” Sam asked although he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

 

“Because the day is young and you’re so beautiful.” Dean said whimsically and then sighed deeply as he batted his long lashes at his passenger.

 

“You’re an idiot.” Sam threw back with a laugh.

 

“I think you just might be right there Sammy.” Dean answered through a grin and then reached down and turned on the radio and began to sing along without missing a beat. “...Went the distance now I’m back on my feet, just a man and his will to survive!” Dean smacked Sam on the arm. “Come on Sam everyone knows this song. “Rising up to the challenge of our rival......”Dean continued. Sam joined in feeding off Dean’s energy until they were both singing at the top of their lungs. Sam used it as an outlet for his nervous tension and continued to sing along with Dean when Survivor faded into Hotel California. Dean was happy and everything seemed just like it was supposed to be and for the first time in a long time Sam felt like maybe things were actually going to be ok.

 

****

 

Sam’s singing participation ended with the Eagles when the song changed over to something that Sam vaguely recognised but didn’t know the words to. Surprisingly his mood stayed positive. It just felt so right, sitting in the passenger seat with one foot on the dash and listening to Dean singing and beating on the steering wheel while Sam looked out the window and watched the world go by. 

 

Dean turned the volume down and cleared his throat. “Hey Sammy you have any important exams on Monday?”

 

“No why?” 

 

“No reason. I was just thinking that we could maybe forget about school you know, maybe go out to lake or something before the weather gets too bad, spend a couple of days just you and me." When he didn't hear Sam reject the idea he continued. "I just might happen to have a large warm sleeping bag in the trunk that would just be big enough for the two of us.”

 

“You just happen to have that in your trunk do you?”

 

“Oh I know right? It’s an amazing coincidence that just happens to fit in with my completely random idea. I think that fate is trying to tell us something Sammy. What do ya say?” 

 

Sam could tell that Dean was going for casual but he would be quite upset if Sam said no. He actually didn’t have any exams and even if he did he would have blown them off in an instant before he could disappoint him. “Who are we to argue with fate?”

 

“OK then! As it happens I know the perfect place and what do you know? We happen to be heading in the right direction.” 

 

The sheer joy on Dean’s face made Sam’s heart leap in his chest. My God he had come so far since they had first met. He doubted that Dean even realized the significance of his offer but Sam couldn’t miss it. Dean finally had the strength and courage to put himself out there and risk being disappointed or rejected. There was no way Sam could refuse an offer like that even if there was three feet of snow on the ground but Dean had spent too long expecting nothing but dejection and disapproval. It was a simple thing really and not a big deal in the grand scheme of life but Sam was so proud of him that his heart ached. He leaned back with a smile on his face and watched Dean smile and move with the music in the reflection of his window and he couldn’t have been happier.

 

****

 

They stopped at a general store and picked up some traditional gourmet camping cuisine and a bundle of dry firewood. The old man behind the counter said they must be crazy to go out at this time of year ‘what with the cold and all them wild animals just dyin to gobble you up.’ They had both laughed and agreed and Dean barely held back when Sam threw a bottle of pepper spray on the counter at the last minute.

 

It was almost fully dark when Dean finally brought the Impala to a stop and jumped out to relieve himself by the nearest tree. The headlights were left on and Sam got out and looked at his surroundings. He stood in a small clearing that was surrounded by trees on two sides that stopped at the edge of a lake. If it weren’t for the road that they had driven in on Sam may have been convinced that they were in truly in the great wild yonder. He stared out at the lake and listened to the engine tick as it cooled off. It was so peaceful and serene. He scanned the clearing and noticed a circle of rocks that made up a crude fire pit. The ground was remarkably clean of stones and debris and the crudely aligned rocks didn’t seem to have any ash deposits indicating that this was an area that was commonly used. Sam wondered if the recent rains had washed them clean or if Dean had been the one to set this all up. Either way it was clear that Dean went to a fair amount of trouble to ‘happen to know a good place’ and there was no way that Sam was going to call him on it.

 

They set up camp quickly, after all there wasn’t really all that much to do. Sam had gone and collected more firewood while Dean started a fire from the dry bundle that they had purchased. Once the fire was going Dean turned off the headlights and grabbed the food and sleeping bag from the car as well as a tarp which he laid on the ground under the sleeping bag. When the simple camp was set up he went to help Sam collect firewood until they had a generous pile that would last the night. The last thing they did was grab a large log and place it at the end of their sleeping bag and cover it with a blanket so they had something to rest against. The entire affair took about twenty minutes.

 

Dean rested against the log with a smile on his face watching Sam carefully rotate his branch impaled hot dog to attain the right amount of crispness. This was perfect, just what he had wanted when he had thought of the idea. He had found the perfect spot and left everything in the trunk in preparation for that phone call. Thank God the weather had held out. If it hadn’t they would be in that cozy inn about twenty miles past the general store where they had stopped but this was so much better; just him and his Sammy and nothing better to do than keep each other warm. Sam looked back and smiled at him and his stomach lurched. My God how he loved him. He was well aware of how much Sam had done for him. Why he hadn’t given up like everyone else was a mystery that Dean didn’t think too much about; it only mattered the he was here with him now. This little excursion was a way that Dean had come up with to show Sam just how much he loved him just in case things went wrong. He was pretty confident about his plan, but one thing he had learned, especially recently, was that things don’t always go as expected. If anything did go wrong this would be their last perfect night together. He was more than willing to face the consequences of his actions if it came to that but he hated the idea that he would be hurting Sam by leaving him alone. Dean was trying very hard not to think about that now.

 

Sam was now eating his hot dog right off the stick and my God that did things to Dean. It brought back memories of that mind blowing blow job and Dean could hardly wait for Sam to finish eating before he put the other half of his plan into action. Just the idea of it made him hard as a rock; it was something that he had wanted for so long and for Sam to be the one to make it happen was just... yeah, there just weren’t words for that. Dean watched as Sam put another hot dog on his stick and proceeded to roast it to perfection. For someone who apparently didn’t like food that wasn’t good for you he sure ate a lot of it when he got the chance. Dean took a sip of his beer and settled back, content to watch Sam and wait for the perfect moment.

 

Several hours later both men were slightly buzzed and engaged in pleasantly mundane conversation while leaning back and staring up at the sky. It was bitterly cold and they had long ago thrown the sleeping bag over them for warmth. Sam drained the last of his beer and threw the empty into the fire. It was the moment that Dean had been waiting for.

 

Flipping the blanket off Dean stood and told Sam that he was gonna get them some more beer from the trunk. However he simply walked over to the Impala and leaned up against it, staring at Sam through the flickering firelight.

 

“Where’s my beer!” Sam shouted after several moments.

 

Dean never moved. “I’m having trouble finding it Sammy; maybe you should come over here and give me a hand.” The invitation in his now deep gravelly voice was unmistakable and Sam sobered slightly. He got out from under the warmth of the blanket without complaint and sauntered over to Dean who was leaning up against the car like sex personified.

 

Sam placed both hands on the Impala on either side of Dean and leaned in until he was only inches from the smaller man’s face. “I don’t think you were even looking” 

 

Having Sam so close yet not touching was driving Dean crazy and he did his best to stay still. “Well what else would I be doing over here?”

 

Sam smiled temptingly “You know what I think Dean?” Dean arched his eyebrows in response. “I think that you want me to fuck you up against your car.” He leaned down and laid a soft kiss on Dean’s neck and then licked his way up to his ear. “That what you want Dean?” he cooed as he jutted his hips forward, rubbing his hardness against his partner. Dean let out a squeaky moan in reply and Sam chuckled knowingly. “I don’t know Dean” he whispered as his hand fell to the bulge in his lover’s jeans, completely betraying his words. “It’s pretty cold so far from the fire” Sam began to kiss the side of Dean’s neck and his head fell back giving Sam more room to play. “I think you might have to convince me.” Sam pulled his head back to look at Dean while he replaced his hand with his gyrating hips.

 

“Oh God”. Dean moaned. His palms were flat up against the cold metal and his hips were moving in time with Sam’s. “Come on Sammy.” He said almost breathlessly. “You tellin me you don’t wanna take me while I’m bent over the hood of the car? Cold steel under me all spread wide and begging for your cock up my ass?”

 

“Christ Dean, you should have been a lawyer cause you make one hell of a case.”

 

“Is that a yes then?” Dean teased as he lunged his hips forward. “It is pretty cold over here, so far from the fire and all.”

 

“Then I guess I’m gonna have to find another way to keep warm.” Sam leaned forward and took Dean’s mouth in a demanding kiss. Dean’s tongue was in his mouth instantly and he was practically shaking. Sam guessed that this was something that Dean had been wanting for a long time. And by God he was just dying to give it to him. He broke the kiss without warning and grabbed Dean by the waist, flinging him around and slamming him against the hood of the car like a cop making an arrest. He draped his body over him. “How bad do you want it Dean?”

 

“Left pocket.” Dean gasped out.

 

Sam reached into the inside pocket and pulled out a small tube. “My, you really are a boy scout Dean, but that didn’t answer my question.” He held Dean down, upper body splayed out on the hood of the car as he rubbed his stiff length over Dean’s protruding ass.

 

“Fuck Sammy... I want you.” Dean practically begged. “I want you to take me hard and fast.” He was desperately trying to move his hips but Sam had him pinned with his larger frame. “I want your cock so far up my ass I feel it for days” Dean was getting desperate. This was his ultimate fantasy that he had never acted upon with anyone because he never wanted the reality of it to taint the perfection of his dream. But right here right now, feeling the cold of the metal underneath him and the heat of Sam’s desire seeping past the denim that covered his ass it was already better than anything that his mind had ever come up with and he was dying to make it a reality. “Come on Sammy, take me hard. I want you to use me, mark me and come in my ass while screaming my name! Do it!”

 

“Jesus Christ Dean.” How the hell could he refuse an offer like that? Sam pushed off Dean quickly, and undid his belt, pushing his pants down only far enough to free his throbbing length. Dean stayed flat against the hood pliant and panting and holy hell! Sam was now as desperate as Dean looked and he fumbled for a moment with Dean’s belt buckle and buttons before he yanked his jeans roughly down. Sam was shaking and he almost dropped the small tube in his urgency to squeeze the clear liquid onto his hand. When he had enough he dropped the tube and thrust two fingers into Dean instantly finding that wonderful spot that would make His lover scream. He wasn’t disappointed.

 

“Fuck!” He screamed in pleasure. It was so good but not what he wanted. “No fingers!” He demanded “just your cock. I wanna feel you split me open. Fuck Sammy come on! Now!” 

 

A cold wind blew, ruffling Sam’s hair and jacket ghosting over his cock like a lover’s cold embrace. He pulled his hand away and quickly slicked up his sensitive shaft while staring at Dean’s beautiful ass bathed in moonlight, offered up like a sacrifice to appease the Gods. Holy fucking hell!

 

Sam then grabbed Dean’s hips roughly and pulled him back so there was enough room for him to reach around and touch his lovers already leaking cock. 

 

“Now!” Dean shouted and the desperate cry echoed around them like thunder in the quiet night.

 

Sam tightened his grip on Dean’s hips and slammed forward. The instant heat almost burned on his cold length, it was so hot and so tight and his loud moan was lost beneath Dean’s sudden shout of pleasure mixed with pain. Sam didn’t stop. He slammed forward like a piston in an engine that was running in the red. Dean wanted this hard and fast and dirty and that was exactly what he was going to give him.

 

Dean’s throat and lungs burned from his loud shouts and the cold air but Oh my God he had never felt better. The Impala rocked beneath him and he could feel the heat from Sam's hands on his hips, could feel where the bruises would be later and holy fuck it was better than anything he ever imagined. Spikes of pleasure and pain tore through his body as Sam slammed into him again and again. He knew he would be sore for days, maybe weeks and the thought spurned him on with more urgency, he wished he would feel it forever so the memory would never fade. Sam’s movements were becoming erratic and his breath came out in short non rhythmic gasps and Dean knew that he was close. Fuck yes! He wanted to feel his burning release shoot through him like a wave of pure energy.

 

Sam’s muscles were protesting their abuse and it only made the sensation all the more enjoyable. Sweat dripped off his brow as he pounded into Dean without mercy, revelling in his cries of pleasure. He wanted to say so many things; so many dirty and filthy things filled his mind mixed with vows of love and devotion but he couldn’t make his throat work except to suck in desperately needed lung full’s of air. This was Dean’s fantasy but Christ almighty he wasn’t sure who was enjoying this more. Dean looked sinfully erotic; face flushed from the cold, steam rising off his head with his eyes closed and face shining in moon light that reflected off the hood of the car. His puffs of breath reminded Sam of a wild animal that Sam wanted to break and claim with all the savagery of nature and by God that was what he was going to do.

 

“Mine.” Sam managed to grunt out as he reached around and stroked his partner’s hard cold cock. 

 

“God yes!” Dean gasped aloud. Hearing Sam claim him was about the hottest thing Dean had ever heard. He was Sam’s. He belonged to him utterly and completely, body and soul and he knew he would never again give himself to another. No matter what came to pass Sammy would be the only one to ever have him like this as long as he lived.

 

“Show me” Sam demanded through heavy gasps, all the while frantically driving his hips in synch with his pumping hand. “Show me who you belong to Dean.” His head swam with a wave of dizziness, using the air that his muscles needed to speak. He couldn’t say anything else if he tried but there was no more that needed to be said.

 

“Sammy!” Dean shouted as he pushed himself off the hood of the car, back arching like a bow drawn back to be fired. He pushed himself back onto Sam with punishing force and then collapsed back onto the hood of the car; cock pulsing and body twitching with ecstasy, moaning and undulating, riding out the waves of his orgasm.

 

Sam felt Dean’s dick pulse in his hand in perfect time with the pulsing around his cock and his knees went week. He fell onto Dean Screaming his name, hips spasming frantically as he filled his lover’s hot plump ass with his seed.

 

Neither man was able to speak nor move and the sounds of their mingled gasps and moans was the only thing to be heard as they slowly came back down from their high.

 

“Holy shit.” Dean managed when his breathing was at a manageable level.

 

“You’re a poet Dean.” Sam retorted lethargically while still pinning the smaller man to the car.

 

“Get off me Sasquatch.”

 

“I dare you to come up with something that rhymes with Sasquatch.” Sam stated through a laugh, still not moving.

 

“Well aren’t you the king of post coital bliss.” Dean threw back without heat. It was kind of hard to come off intimidating while he was pinned to the hood of his own car by a man who still had his dick up his ass.

 

“Oh I’m sorry my Deany weenie shnoopykins.” Sam teased while ruffling Dean’s hair.

 

“Point taken.” Dean laughed out. “Now get off, I can’t breathe.”

 

With a great deal of effort Sam peeled himself off Dean who had reached into his pocket and pulled out a package of moist towelettes and handed a few to Sam. They cleaned themselves off as best they could and dressed quickly.

 

“You so planned that.” Sam said while buckling up his belt.

 

“BBBrrr” Dean hummed through an exaggerated shiver. “It’s fucking cold! Why did you want to be so far away from the fire?

 

“Ass”

 

“Bitch”

 

“Jerk”

 

Both men laughed and made their way back to sparse camp site. Dean crawled under the blankets as Sam threw another large log on the fire. He then squeezed his way into the sleeping bag and wrapped his arms around the most beautiful man he had ever known and closed his eyes.

 

Dean took Sam’s hand and held it tight. “I love you Sammy.” He whispered.

 

Sam kissed the back of Dean’s head. “I love you too.”

 

They both drifted off to sleep lost in their own thoughts and listening to the crackle and snap of the fire.

 

Sam was startled awake sometime later. “Dean” he whispered. “You awake?”

 

“Yeah” Dean replied with no hint of grogginess in his voice. “What the hell was that?” They both listened intently to the ominously quiet night. Then the sky lit up in the distance and Dean groaned. “The weatherman is a tit.” He hissed out as a clap of thunder echoed around them. He sat up and rolled his neck knowing that the rain was not far off. He then glanced over at Sam and burst out laughing.

 

“What?” Sam demanded defensively as he tried to hide the bottle of pepper spray under the covers.

 

“Don’t worry Sammy; I’ll protect you from all them wild things just dying to gobble you up.” He stated while emulating the old man at the general store.

 

Sam’s retort was lost in another loud clap of thunder and then rain began to fall in sheets.

 

The two men raced to grab their things and jump into the safety of the Impala but not before they were soaked to the skin. Dean had started the car first thing before helping to take down camp and now both men sat shivering and wet in the front seat, hands up to the heating vents. Another flash of light filled the sky and when both men saw each other in the light they started to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Dean put the car in gear and they headed slowly down the now muddy road soaking and dishevelled and still laughing.

 

****


	13. Chapter 13

  
Author's notes: Finally it is done! I have to thank everyone who stuck with me through this one, it was definitely a long time coming. I swear that I will never again post a story until it is complete. I greatly appreciate all the wonderful and encouraging comments that everyone has made, they really helped me give myself a kick in the ass and get this done. I truly hope that this final installment doesn't dissapoint. I'd really love to hear what you think, I am a total comment whore! Enjoy!  


* * *

It was about quarter after seven by the time they crossed the line into the township of Hatford. Their clothes had long since dried off and Dean was humming along with the radio while Sam alternated between watching Dean and looking out the window. House of the Rising Sun was just fading out when Dean reached down and turned the radio off. 

 

“How ya feelin?” Dean asked, going for casual.

 

“Fine, why?” Sam answered 

 

“Cause I was just thinking-”

 

“This plan doesn’t involve us getting soaked again does it?” Sam cut in with a chuckle.

 

“It could if you wanted it to.” Dean joked. Sam only grinned and shook his head. “So anyway I was thinking that visiting hours start at eight and we could just grab a coffee in the lobby and go see Johnny.”

 

“I don’t know about you, but us mere mortals need more than three hours sleep.”

 

“No Sam really, just hear me out. We’re already out, and if we go see him early then the poor kid won’t tie himself in knots all day wondering if we’re coming.” Sam gave him a look that reflected his thoughts on the idea. “No really, you see this way we get everything out of the way and then we got nothin better to do than stay in bed all day.” Dean wiggled his eyebrows in mock seduction.

 

“You cad!” Sam retorted with feigned shock and both men laughed. “Actually, when you put it like that it doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.”

 

“Hey, you knew there had to be a reason you keep me around and the fact that I am brilliant is just a bonus.”

 

“That and you know, you have a car.” As much as he tried he just couldn’t keep a straight face. “To the hospital Jeeves!” Sam ordered pretentiously and then leaned back and laughed when Dean only gave him a scowl and turned the radio back on.

 

As they entered the hospital lobby Sam made for the Starbucks while Dean stopped to grab a copy of the Hatford Bugle out of the paper box. Sam thought it was a bit odd but he had given up on trying to figure Dean out. They placed their orders and Dean grabbed a table while Sam stopped at the coffee station to add sugar to his Cafe Mocha. When Sam finally took a seat Dean had his face buried in the paper.

 

“No way you get to sit there and read the paper. This was your idea and if I gotta wait around here you are going to entertain me.” Sam stated sternly as he gave Dean a light kick.

 

“You want entertainment Sammy? Check this out.” Dean told him with a shit eating grin on his face. 

 

Sam huffed and grabbed the paper not quite knowing what to expect. If he was more awake he may have been a quicker on the up take. “How well do you know your neighbours?” He read aloud and proceeded to read the article below the headline. “Local authorities in cooperation with the federal......hhhmmmlllammto ansam...mmm” his reading faded into a garbles of non comprehensible blabber that one makes when they are sort of reading aloud to themselves. “Hmglahilpormmo...OH MY GOD! Dean what did you...-” He stopped himself when everyone in the place turned to look at him and he noticed the warning look on Dean’s face. “...get me this time? This is sooo good!” he finished and took a long sip of his coffee. 

 

The other patron’s of the coffee shop looked at him like he was retarded and then just shook their heads and went back to what they were doing. Sam couldn’t take his eyes off Dean. He gave him a what the fuck look but Dean only shook his head and pointed at the paper like he wanted him to continue reading. If Sam didn’t do something he was going to go out of his mind, so he continued the read the paper with much more interest than when he had started.

 

It was unbelievable. The article detailed a raid on in an upscale residence of Hatford that resulted in the arrest of one Chip Edward Parker. The FBI had been monitoring Parker for some time for suspicious activities related to an internet child pornography ring. Mr Parker’s computer was taken by the FBI to be analysed by their computer specialists. In the process of searching Mr. Parker’s residence the authorities also found an unspecified amount of drugs, photos of a suspicious nature and an unregistered firearm. The FBI was not at liberty to disclose any further details at this time.

 

Holy shit!

 

Sam was dumbfounded. What the fuck was going on? He knew that Dean was up to something, but this couldn’t be it, could it? It’s not like Dean was working with the FBI. What the fuck! Sam read the article thoroughly again but still had no more clue as to what the hell was going on as he did before. Logic dictated that this was some huge coincidence but the sinister smirk Dean still had on his face told another story.

 

“It’s past eight Sam, let’s go. Bring the paper with you; I think Nell might want to read it.” Dean got up and started to head across the lobby like nothing was going on at all. Sam had no idea how long he sat there before an impatient Dean came up behind him and gave him a poke. “C’mon, let’s go.”

 

Sam followed Dean in a haze. His head was reeling and he certainly no longer felt tired. He wanted to walk up to Dean and beat him down until he got some answers but this was neither the time nor the place. That was made crystal clear when they rounded the corner to Johnny’s room and saw Nell standing in the hallway talking to Detective Hendrickson. Sam’s stomach jumped so far into his throat that he thought he was actually going to puke it out right onto the hospital floor. Turning around would look more than suspicious though and Sam had to start reciting the alphabet in Latin in his head to calm himself down.

 

Dean didn’t look the slightest bit phased.

 

When Nell saw them approach she smiled and told them she would just be a few minutes.

 

“Actually I think we are done.” Hendrickson stated as he saw the two men. He turned back to Nell. “I’ll be sure to let you know if there is anything else that comes to light.”

 

“Thank you Detective, I know you are doing your best.” Nell answered honestly and then shook his hand.

 

The Darker man then turned to the pair who were now standing in the hallway, his eyes landing on the shorter of the two. “Dean Winchester.” 

 

‘Detective” Dean answered with a nod. “Any news on Johnny’s case?”

 

Hendrickson let out a huff that was half an exasperated laugh. “The victim doesn’t remember anything and anyone who may have any useful information doesn’t seem to want to share.”

 

“So that would be a no then.”

 

“Unless a video shows up on you tube it doesn’t look like this case is gonna crack any time soon. Plus we’re a bit short on manpower; it seems that more pressing matters have recently come up.” Hendrickson stated

 

“You mean the Chip Parker thing?” Dean asked. The Detective raised his eyebrows in question. “Yeah read it in the paper this morning, nasty affair. They saddle you with the case?” Sam was barely holding it together and couldn’t believe that Dean could be so smug. 

 

Hendrickson laughed and shook his head. “What kind of pertinent information could a simple Hatford county Detective possibly offer the FBI?” He paused in thought for a moment. “I am curious on what they will find on that computer though, aren’t you Dean?”

 

It was a loaded question and Sam could only stand and watch the exchange wondering what the hell he was missing.

 

“Don’t really give a shit to tell you the truth.” Dean replied with his patented ‘I’m an ass’ smile. “Ain’t my problem.”

 

“Mine either.” Hendrickson said with a grin. The two men shared a knowing look.

 

“Well Johnny and Nell are waiting.” Dean threw out to break the silence as he waved his hind in the general direction of the hospital room door.

 

“Don’t let me stop you; you are a free man after all.” The Detective turned and walked away but just before they got to Johnny’s room Hendrickson turned. “I like you Dean.” He said like he was stating an obvious fact. “And I sincerely hope that our paths never cross again.”

 

Dean held his hand up to his heart. “That hurts.” He told the older man with feigned sincerity. Hendrickson only shook his head and walked away.

 

Sam’s eyes darted back and forth between the two men. It was obvious that something had just happened right in front of him and he had no clue as to what it was. He was still standing there wondering when he noticed that the hallway was now empty.

 

****

 

The visit with Johnny went well. They learned that he was going to be released on Friday. He still had no memory of the horrific event and the Doctors had told him that there was only a small chance that he ever would. Johnny and Nell would be leaving for Iowa on Saturday. The school administrators were sympathetic and agreed to keep Johnny’s scholarship and he would be returning in January for the new semester. Dean had told Johnny that he couldn’t leave without seeing Deloris and the four of them had plans to go to the diner for breakfast before their flight. 

 

The entire visit Nell kept looking at the paper that now sat on the chair and staring at Sam and Dean with curiosity. She may have had her own suspicions, but she never asked about it. Sam and Dean finally said their goodbye’s and promised to visit as often as their schedule would allow. By the time they got in the car Sam was nearly going out of his mind.

 

“Ok spill.” Sam said before Dean was even fully seated.

 

“Spill what?” Dean asked innocently.

 

“Dean.” Sam growled, not even trying to hide his irritation.

 

Dean let out a heavy breath. “It was worth a try wasn’t it?”

 

“How about trying to explain what the fuck is going on. Coincidences happen Dean, but this is just too much to ignore.”

 

Dean let out another defeated sigh. “I have a friend named Ash. Fucking nutcase but the guy is brilliant. When I saw that things might get ugly I gave him a call.” Sam waited a moment for him to continue. He didn’t.

 

“And...” Sam demanded impatiently.

 

“And his field of expertise happens to be computers.” Dean said vaguely.

 

“You didn’t.” Sam said disbelievingly.

 

“No I didn’t.” I simply implied what could be done if the situation should call for it.” He spoke in that somewhat condescending where you know that the other person knows that you’re full of shit.

 

Sam had to close his eyes and take a deep breath to control himself. “If you don’t start giving me some straight answers I swear I am going to hit you.”

 

“You’re better off not knowing Sammy.” Dean told him in a last ditch effort to dissuade his line of questioning.”

 

“Maybe so but you owe me Dean. You swore to me that you would come clean.”

 

Dean nodded slowly. “Fair enough.” He started the car and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. Just when Sam was beginning to think Dean wasn’t going to say anything else he began to speak. “I saved Ash’s ass way back from a few douchebags not unlike our buddy Chip. For whatever reason we stayed in touch. We didn’t see each other often but we became good friends. He always said he owed me for what I did for him back then. I’m not one for keeping score but I needed his help so I gave him a call and he was more than happy to oblige.” Dean threw Sam a sideward glance and returned his focus to the road.

 

“By bringing in the FBI?” Sam asked incredulously.

 

“Not directly no.” His eyes stayed on the road as he spoke. “You gotta understand that Ash is a fucking computer genius. Bill gates would be jealous of this guy. He could have been some real hotshot at some million dollar software company but he has a rather paranoid dislike for authority. He’s one of the best if not the best hacker in the world. There isn’t a wannabe hacker anywhere who hasn’t heard of Dr. Badass.”

 

“That’s the Doctor you were talking to?” Sam asked with disbelief remembering the conversation he had eavesdropped on what seemed like an eternity ago.

 

“What?” Dean asked, confused by the odd question.

 

“Never mind go on.” 

 

“So anyway he liked the idea of dishing out some pain to a loser like Chip. All he needed was his computer IP and the game was on. Of course Chip would be the type to buy a new computer every year for school. Ash hacked in and re-dated some file transfers to make it look like the information was uploaded just after the purchase, you know, just like anyone would transfer all their information from the old computer to the new one. He would monitor his usage and add new file transfers only when Chip was on line. Don’t ask me how, but he really knows his stuff. After Johnny I knew that 

the Chip situation was only going to escalate, so I asked Ash to step up the game. He would choose times when Chip was on line and use his IP to log onto known kiddy porn sites that were flagged by the FBI, it wasn’t long before the Feds were monitoring his activities. Ash hacked in and raised some priority level red flags in the Fed’s database. The rest is the front page news.” Dean dared a quick glance at his passenger to try and gauge his reaction.

 

“And you’re sure all this is gonna stand up to inspection by the Feds?”

 

“Sure it will.” Dean said confidently. “It was all done through his computer, no idea how but if that’s what Ash says then that’s the way it is. If they bother to dig deep enough they may find an inconsistency or two, but it would be circumstantial at best to be used in Chip’s defence. The best case they can make is possible doubt.”

 

“That’s all it takes for someone to be acquitted.” Sam stated, knowing all too well the influence that power and money could have on a jury.

 

“He probably will be, but it won’t matter by then. I know better than most that all it takes is the accusation and it will follow you around for the rest of your life. Do you really think that there are going to be very many high society bigwigs willing to back a guy who was possibly not into child pornography?”

 

Sam burst out laughing. Maybe there should have been some part of him that felt bad for Chip but he just couldn’t seem to find it. After all Dean was right, he most likely would be acquitted if it ever went to court but his name and social status that he loved to swing around to get his way were the exact things that were going to be against him now. There wasn’t a person in the world who would ever again give Chip Parker so much as the time of day.

 

“I still can’t believe that something like that is even possible.” Sam stated with awe as they pulled into the school parking lot.

 

“With the right know how and the right amount of money anything is possible Sammy.” 

 

The smile instantly fell from Sam’s face. “I thought you said this Ash guy was doing you a favour.” Sam stated coldly.

 

Dean sighed and turned the ignition off. “He was. This wasn’t exactly a simple thing and I needed it done fast. That means other people to do the grunt work, find the right sites, download the appropriate files and with that kind of subject matter no one works cheap. Ash never charged me for his part.” Sam just stared at him. And Dean removed the keys from the ignition and shifted so he was looking directly at Sam; his right arm slung over the back of the seat. “Look Sammy if you’re worried about this getting back to me don’t. You don’t know him but I do. He was the only one growing up that knew I was gay and he never said a word. He may be a bit crazy and look like a stand in for Joe Dirt but he’s loyal and as I mentioned paranoid. The money will be laundered down the line about four times before it ever touches anybody’s palm. He never deals with anyone directly. Even the guys who worked with him to get this done couldn’t point the finger if they wanted to. Trust me Sammy it’s good.”

 

“Just how much money are we talking about Dean?”

 

“I don’t care about the money Sam. I have money. Mom came from a very wealthy family and when she died she left it all to me.” Dean huffed in disgust. “I think that’s the reason my father hated me so much, even before he found out I was gay.”

 

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you Dean” Sam knew that Dean’s relationship with his father was strenuous at best but he didn’t think that any father could truly hate his son.

 

That was a statement that Dean was nowhere near ready to deal with at the moment, or any time soon so he went on like he never heard it. “So yeah, I got money. All Johnny’s hospital bills are paid. Nell doesn’t know yet and I’m sure she’s gonna freak when she finds out. Fortunately she will be in a different state by then. She may be little but I wouldn’t wanna take her on” Dean stated with a smile as he looked at Sam hoping that he would still see love reflected in his eyes.

 

Sam nodded in agreement with a smile while briefly glancing out the window. He took a deep breath and turned back to Dean.”So how did he get the IP?”

 

“What do you mean?” Dean responded like a six year old trying to convince his mother that he had not been the one who attempted to flush the rubber duck down the toilet.

 

Sam rolled his eyes. “You said all he needed was Chip’s IP.” Sam answered like Dean was in fact six years old. “So how did he get it?” 

 

“I’m a boy scout Sammy, remember? I’m always prepared.” Dean gave Sam a wink.

 

“You know Dean, I’m not really sure which disturbs me more; that you just pretty much admitted to breaking and entering or the fact that you looked so damn adorable while saying it.” Sam had to laugh because he wasn’t just saying that to lighten the mood; it also happened to be true.

 

“I’m a man of many talents.” Dean beamed.

 

“Apparently.” He chuckled again and then took a deep breath. “God, Chip is so fucked.”

 

“Yup.” Dean agreed looking like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.

 

“So what if Chip tells the Feds that it was all you?” Sam asked with concern. “I mean he’s gonna put the pieces together eventually if he hasn’t already. Even he can’t be that stupid.”

 

Dean just shrugged. “Let him, he’ll just look like a desperate man grasping at straws. It’s common knowledge that he doesn’t think too highly of me. The Feds can search me all they want; I don’t even own a fucking computer.”

 

“What about the money? Can’t they trace that?” Sam was trying to think of every possible way that Dean could get caught for this. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust him but he had to put his mind at ease.

 

“I keep a descent chunk of cash in a safe deposit box. If they want to check it out all they’ll find now is my grandfathers watch, my favourite picture of me and my mother and a half dozen bearer bonds. One of which I happened to cash at the bank and donate to the World Wildlife Foundation the very same day I took out all the cash, giving me a valid reason to go into it in the first place. Don’t worry Sammy, I thought this all through.”

 

“Wow.” Sam stated, seriously impressed. “So Dean look... don’t take this the wrong way, I get it, I really do. But... isn’t that a whole lot of trouble to go through just to take down one pompous dick?”

 

Dean’s expression sobered. “You can’t take on a guy like Chip head on Sammy. He has too much money and too much influence and he will use both every chance he gets. To even entertain the idea that you can win you have to take those away. If you’re gonna hunt the big game you better make damned sure they fall with the first shot.” 

 

Sam’s gaze was locked on Dean’s intent green eyes. He looked every bit the soldier that he had been trained to be. “Remind me never to piss you off.”

 

“Yeah right Sammy, you piss me off all the time.” Dean told him playfully. “But you’re a great lay so I let you get away with it.” Sam let out a huff and Dean grinned. “So we gonna sit in the car all day or do you wanna go home?” I was something that Dean never thought he would hear himself say. Home. He never had a home except for a few vague memories of before his mother died. Their tiny shared dorm room hardly qualified as such but as long as he had Sam with him he would be perfectly content to live there forever, shared bathroom not withstanding.

 

Sam grabbed Dean’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Let’s go home Dean.”

 

Dean felt relief wash over him in waves. He knew that what he had done had some pretty serious implications and he had been worried that Sam wouldn’t be able to look at him the same after he found out. Dean knew that he would have done it anyway just to protect him, even if it meant that he ended up losing him over it. He would choose Sam’s safety over his own happiness any day, but with that one simple gesture Sam had told him that they were good, that he understood, that he still loved him. Dean hadn’t realized how worried he had actually been until he felt the pressure of it lift.

 

Sam got out of the car and fell in step beside Dean as they walked across the school grounds. He could feel his lack of sleep and the stress of recent events catching up with him and staying in bed all day definitely sounded like the best idea he had ever heard. It was an incredible relief to know that Chip Parker was no longer a looming threat. It was poetic justice at its finest. Chip would never be held accountable for what he had done to Johnny or countless other’s no doubt but he would never again be in the position to hurt anyone else. Dean’s plan may have been somewhat extreme but Sam agreed with the logic of it; it did seem that it was the only way that justice would be served. The illegal methods to this particular brand of justice didn’t bother Sam one bit. As far as he was concerned Chip was getting off easy. He had no doubt committed numerous unspeakable acts of cruelty long before his attack on Johnny and a lifetime of scorn seemed a small price to pay.

 

Groups of students were gathered everywhere on the grounds, no doubt discussing the grand revelation about the school’s most notorious resident. Dean’s pace toward their dorm slowed when he saw Trey Mathis heading their direction with clear intent. When Trey was several feet away Dean stopped, automatically standing at an angle that put him between Sam and Trey.

 

“I got no issue with you Trey.” Dean stated sternly at the obviously angry man before him.

 

“Bullshit!” Trey hissed. “What the fuck did you do Winchester!?” Trey’s eyes were wide and his jaw was clenched tight, his nostrils flared wildly and his face was a deep shade of red.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean asked with such sincerity that Sam might have laughed if not for the possibly volatile situation that he now found himself in. 

 

“You know damned well!” Trey shouted; spittle flying from his mouth. He noticed quite a few heads turn his way and he lowered his voice, but it was still laced with venom and righteous anger. “The Fucking feds came to see me and now everyone is lookin at me like I might be some kinda baby fucker!”

 

Sam nerves were going into overdrive but he stayed still and outwardly calm, trusting Dean to either defuse or deal with the situation.

 

“I’m tired Trey and I really don’t have time to deal with your personal issues.” Dean stated with obvious irritation. “Talk to a school councillor, that’s what they get paid for.” Dean started forward as if to walk around him but it was clear even to Sam that Trey wasn’t going to let things go.

 

As soon as Dean was close enough Trey lunged but Dean easily shifted his weight and swept his leg around causing Trey to land flat on his ass with a heavy thud. The commotion brought the attention of everyone close by who were already keeping half an eye out for action from the moment they heard Trey yelling. Students flowed around them like water, encircling the three men and looking on like gawkers at a horrific car accident. Sam couldn’t help thinking that Dean was right; people really are entertained by the misfortune of others.

 

“Stay down Trey.” Dean ordered in a deep commanding voice. “Just stay down and this ends here.” 

 

Trey was beyond reason. He jumped up and grabbed a knife from his back pocket and ran at Dean like a wild man screaming as he raced forward. The crowd gasped and Dean stepped forward, knocking the knife out of Trey’s hand with his left and then punching him in the face with his right. Trey fell again.

 

“Fuck you Winchester you fucking queer!” Trey reached up and wiped the blood off his nose like a kid wiping snot on their sleeve. “That’s right!” Trey creamed to anyone who might be listening. “He’s a fucking queer! These two are fucking butt buddies!”

 

Shouts from the crowd could be heard even before he finished with his accusations.

 

“Shut up!”

 

“Who cares!”

 

“Fuck off!”

 

“It’s true!” Trey screamed to the crowd, looking everywhere among the milling faces for someone who would back him up. The crowd was less than sympathetic and more and more students joined in, throwing insults and curses at the pathetic man who lay bleeding on the grass. Everyone went silent when Dean began to laugh.

 

“What the fuck is so funny you fuckin homo!” Trey literally spat out.

 

“You.” Dean said with a sinister grin. “Screaming at the top of your lungs that you just got your ass kicked by a fucking faggot!”

 

The crowd went into hysterics and Trey’s eyes grew wide at the truth of Dean’s statement. He then realized what Dean had said and stood up. “He admitted it!” he yelled as he went around in circles trying to catch the attention of anyone in the crowd. “See I told you!” Trey looked insane; like a crazy bum screaming to anyone who might listen about the end of the world. He looked at Dean with pleading eyes. “Tell them!” He demanded, so far gone in his tantrum that he didn’t even notice he was now asking for help from the person that he had been trying to hurt.” Dean only stared at him with amusement, shaking his head and Trey stilled with rage. “Fine! Run off and try to explain to your little moped fuck toy why he wasn’t good enough to admit to being with!”

 

The smile never left Dean’s face. “I don’t have to Trey, cause I never denied it.” The mutual gasp of shock was so loud Dean swore it could be heard on the other side of campus. He then turned and reached up, grabbing Sam’s head and pulled him down for kiss.

 

Sam’s heart jumped into his throat and he immediately wrapped his arms around his lover. The joy and pride that he felt at that moment was indescribable. It felt as if he was standing in a bubble and he could barely make out the noise from the crowd. There were a few shouts of disgust and he could just make out flashes from behind his closed eyes, no doubt from hastily grabbed cameras and cel phones but Sam couldn’t have cared less. Most of the crowd was whooping and whistling and shouting crude suggestions as he explored Dean’s mouth. They were bound to have more than their fare share of trials and tribulations in the years to come, but as long as he had the man that he now held in his arms none of that would ever matter.

 

The End


End file.
